BreakFree
by redvelvetjade
Summary: High School it's a time to break free of the shadows that society has cast upon us it's a time to learn explore and discover who we are what passions make us soar and who will have our backs in good times and bad. It's than that we make the decisions that will define us. Some Chapters will contain mature related themes they are marked at top. iCarly/ Sam and Cat crossover
1. Chapter 1

**Freddie's p o v**

{ A/N italic is Freddie remembering things said to him at the audition **bold italic** is lyrics to Timber owned written by Writer(s): Keri Oskar, Greg Errico, Breyan Stanley Isaac, Steve Arrington, Waung Hankerson, Armando Christian Perez, Pebe Sebert, Charles Carter, Lee Oskar, Jamie Michael Robert Sanderson, Roger Parker, Priscilla Renea  
Copyright: Songs Of Lastrada,]

"_You got big dreams Kid_

_Are you prepared to pay the price?_

_You can do it Benson One more...Push it.._

I could feel the burn I could feel the sweat pouring down. My chest hurt badly each push brought a new wave of fire through my whole body.

205 206 207

_Right now is where you start to pay_

208 209

Deep Breath hold it in lower the bar let the breath out. Don't think Benson just push it let the music pump you up.

I listened to the inner voice closing my eyes leaving my worries behind me letting the music get inside of me.

Music played from the speakers as I pushed the bar back up grunting.

_**It's going down tonight**_

_**I'm yelling timber**_

210 211 212

_In blood sweat and tears_

213 214 215

If people back in Seattle Washington could only see me now they would never have a clue it was me.

220 221 222

_Benson rest_

Slowly I released the weight back on the machine flexing my arms sitting up.

I let out a sigh of relief as my trainer Breslin handed me a water bottle.

_Great workout Benson_

I gulped down the cool refreshing water as I tried to catch my breath.

_Great job man but it's quitting time_

I shock out the last cramps getting up heading with him to the locker rooms.

It was only shortly after 1 pm on a Friday so the gym was only lightly filled mainly with elderly members or young people on breaks.

_Wanna grab a slice Benson?_

_Sure sounds great I'm slightly hungry think I worked up an appetite_

_Cool cool man lets shower and head out_

Stripping down I felt the cool air hit my glistening sweaty body sending chills up through me.

Hurrying into the shower I felt the dirty sweaty feeling being washed away as I scrubbed and rinsed.

My fingers grabbed my right bulge on my arm smiling as I felt the muscles relax under the tender touch of my skin.

_Your getting quite the muscles there young man_

I felt my face flush as Res joked.

_Not too bad from the nerdy little boys we use to be huh?_

_Nah man not bad at all_

After drying off we quickly dressed and went out to the brilliant sunshine.

One thing I was loving about moving out here was the constant sunshine.

_Beautiful out here huh Freddie?_

_Absolutely man always loved this weather didn't see much of this shite in Ireland man it's always raining in that place._

_Damn man I can't believe in two days we are going to be juniors in Hollywood Arts!_

Res pumped his fist as we strolled down the boardwalk.

_I know Res but man it feels like the summer just flew by _

Walking body to body was the only way to manure down the busy boardwalk people were rushing to lunch or to meetings tourists were rushing from attraction to attractions taking pictures and gasping at the wonder of it all.

The mix of people was amazing men and woman in business suits on cell phones racing to offices and coffee shops parents with kids in toe snapping pictures in wide eyed wonder at the giant ferris wheel just wait till nighttime kid I thought smiling.

Biker and surfer dudes, teenagers, little kids skating and biking the city of downtown Santa Monica was filled we walked past the shops like Urth Cafe World cafe Starbucks all a feet away from each other.

Walking up the ramp to the Santa Monica pier which was just as busy with people shopping walking dogs, fishing, jogging and plenty of street performers.

We stopped to listen to a few some were really amazing.

Moving along we continued down towards our favorite pizza shop on the boardwalk.

Just as we approached the shop a burst of applause caught our attention.

_What's going on?_

_I don't know Res _

We searched till we saw out of the corner of our eyes a group standing surrounding something or someone. Music played I looked at Res he shrugged mouthing.

Let's Go!

I followed him racing to the scene pushing our way to the front the crowd was swaying I gasped as I came forward.

_It's her Res!_

He elbowed me as if to say I know bro I know I turned to him as he winked grinning.

In front of us stood the most amazing girl I had ever laid eyes on.

She had the most amazing dazzling smile the sweetest laugh.

She was dancing up a storm with two friends they moved with such grace and they really brought out the lyrics to the song.

I was memorized by watching her dizzy from being so close but not being able to touch. I had to get to know her. I didn't know her last name only her first name.

_It's her Res it's really her_

He stared at me rolling his eyes like oh my god he's fan-boying.

I couldn't help it I mean when you see true beauty it's breathtaking mind numbing...

It makes you forget everything else who you are what you stand for all you can do is stand there and stare while the beauty dances in front of your eyes.

_To dance is to reach for a word that doesn't exist,  
To sing the heartsong of a thousand generations,  
To feel the meaning of a moment in time. _

Her words came back to me it's what she said to me when I first saw her dancing on the yard at school two years ago when we went for the auditions.

She was so full of passion for her craft she was so determined she was going to get in it's what she lived for, she knew she had the talent she just wanted the chance to perfect it and by the looks and the sounds of it she must have been given that chance.

As I recalled those words I also recalled what I said to her after.

_How do you know you won't end up heart broken?_

She looked at me strangely and giggled before saying.

_Life is full of heartbreaks it's up to us to chose how we respond I will never let anything stop me from believing and I know if I believe I can achieve._

_Will never get anywhere by quiting from fear my daddy always said._

_Quitters never win and winners never quit_

Maybe I didn't have a dad to teach me that lessons growing up maybe my mom was a little cray and over protected but I wasn't too sheltered to understand that sometimes you have to learn from listening and watching others.

I wouldn't quit I would get to know her everything about her was beautiful to me even the sound of her name.

**So who is this girl Freddie is so crazy about? Wanna know? Hit that nice little button below and maybe I will be inspired to update faster.**

**Nothing is more sweeter than the sound of you got mail and seeing a review showing up.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Freddie's p o v**

_A dream like this  
Not something you wish for  
A dream like this  
Not something you ask for  
When it's a gift worth taking a chance for  
Then this is something you dance for_

Hey yeah, yeah, 

She sprung up from a double back spring into a perfect one hand spring her legs up perfectly in the air she never lost her hat off her head.

She came up pointed left with her two friends hands clasped together wiggling their hips smiling heads arched back.

_There's a moment when you look to the side  
Who will fall, who will survive  
That's the moment when you find it inside  
On the line, this is your time _

The two girls who were the same age clapped crossing right before plieing left their right arms bent in as their bodies pulled around going air born into a barrel turn they landed perfectly clapping.

_And it's all I want  
And it's all I do_

A dream like this  
Not something you wish for  
A dream like this  
Not something you ask for 

The two girls and their third friend a boy years younger than them were moving so fast I had no idea what moves they were doing but man they were amazing the crowd was clapping and singing with them cheering them on.

Their bodies looked as if they were born to dance.

Her milky white skin looked transparent in the sun sweat poured down her tiny body but she put 100% into this routine.

_How is that scary girl not sweating?_

Res asked amazed at her friend I couldn't recall her name but he was right she didn't have a trace of sweat anywhere on her body and she was dancing hard core.

My girl she was looking banging in her short pink booty shorts clinging to her perfect round butt matching her halter top which was pink with tiny sunflowers on them her breasts looked like a perfect summer dream.

The other girl had black corset on made of leather and black lace in the front tight red and black shorts with metal chains hanging from them her left butt check had a flaming shattered bloody skull and the right one had scissors dripping blood but it wasn't some cheesy cartoon like skulls this looked like she had stabbed someone's head and taken a picture of it after it burned the outer layers and was left with just the bones.

_When it's a gift worth taking a chance for  
Then this is something you dance for _

Plus she had on knee high boots that looked expensive and heavy black and red leather plaid ones.

_Can you believe it are you feeling alive?  
Hit your mark, ready to rise  
Your body's aching but your heart doesn't mind  
Feet on the ground, eyes on the prize  
_

_My resolution for this year bro she will be mine_

_Yea man I already know _

_Uh huh eyes on the prize she sang it best_

_How is she not sweating?_

_Dude I'm telling ya she's not human_

It was kind of freaky I mean in reality she weighed more she was taller her hair was thicker her clothes heavier how was she not sweating?

_For the love  
For the fame  
To bring down the rain  
By the way that you feel  
When they're calling your name  
For the days  
Nothing more  
It's just you on the floor  
_

They ended with thunderous applause Res pulled me forward as they bowed smiling waving thanking the crowd who threw down money into the boy's hat and the open keyboard case, which was being guarded by a boy our age with dreads.

Now Benson make your move I told myself over and over palms sweating breathing once again heavy.

Yet I stood frozen her smile it was just so radiant like the sun when it's rays blind you, her smile burned into my hearts memory.

_Cops Run!_

The older boy shouted and chaos broke out everyone scattered I panicked as her friends grabbed her and they ran.

They took off and my heart was left pounding for more time.

I cursed as I slammed my palm into my head for my own stupidity Res pounded my back.

_It's cool dude you'll see her soon enough_

_Your probably weak from hunger_

It's not cool dude and two days from now was not soon enough!

I had to see her now I had to meet her talk to her see her brilliant smile radiating before my eyes as she twirls her hair and giggles at my lame jokes.

Cat her name echoed in my mind as my heart screamed for her to wait for me but she was gone her bright red hair only now a vision like the fading sun leaving coldness where there was once warmth but I would find out her last name and I would make her mine that I promised myself.

**Something To Dance For written and producer by Jeannie Lurie, Aris Archontis, Chen Neeman **


	3. Chapter 3

**Freddie's p o v**

The smells of greasy cheesy saucy crust woke me up I felt the color creep up my face as I heard my stomach rumble loudly sitting back inside the funky pizza parole located in the heart of the pier over looking the giant ferris wheel I tried to take in.

_This year is going to be awesome!_

Res was so excited I had to come alive his excitement was contagious.

_How can it not be?_

_Exactly Freddie we got accepted into one of the most prestigious preforming arts school _

_Our education isn't just gonna get us the best training for our careers man were also going to get to see some of the finest babes in this county and we get to do what we love!_

_Winners!_

He pumped his arms making a face leaning back.

_Oh and don't forget meeting some of the hottest people in the business_

After we ate we headed back home to our apartments on 1548 4th street passing the busy blooming dales dept store.

The yard was filled with moms with their toddlers playing in the playground sand boxes jungle gyms older kids laying kickball basketball double dutch or dancing to rap or hip hop music. Dogs barked as people rushed up and down the streets.

_Hello Freddie, Breslin don't you two get so busy to stop and say hello to me_

We laughed hurrying back down the streps to say hi to Mrs. Keller she's 89 and she babysits all the children who's parents have to work during the day and at night she's in great fit for her age she's stern but funny and very sweet.

Her full name is Helen Keller and for some reason little kids like to call her Heller Keller behind her back but she is so sweet that it feels wrong.

Kids will be kids though I guess.

_Neva Mrs. K you'll always be our main lady_

Res wrapped his arm around her shoulder as she laughed slapping his butt with her cane shaking her head.

Winking at her he grinned finishing up with.

_Just don't tell our Momma's ya know they be jealous fro sure woman hate competing against someone beautiful._

_Aw you be just so cunning and filled with that brown stuff go on now ya little Romeo's_

_Your Mommas raised proper fine young man _

_Thanks Mrs. Keller I am sure our mommas will love hearing that _

_Well ya be sure to tell them cause mommas never get the props they deserve_

_It's hard to raise kids in this world especially in a neighborhood as dangerous as this_

_Too many youngin's be trying to prove they be men bangin and dealin _

_I'm glad you two listened to what your mommas be sayin _

_Never forget to thank her for providing for ya feedin ya protecting ya _

_Do her right go to the top schools and do what you suppose to study hard and take it seriously_

_Remember this when you two go getting big though_

_Fame is fleeting family that's forever_

_They be what's real and true and they be here for ya when your down and when ya up_

_Right?_

_Right as rain Mrs. K _

_Good boy Breslin_

_Now run along_

_Bye Mrs. K_

_Mrs. K Mr. K!_

Two little girls came running up as we headed up the steps they were yelling for her attention heads full of corn rows bouncing excitedly as they called to her yanking on her arms. She laughed but gave them a lecture of respecting their elders when they were talking.

Res and I ran up the steps to the third level my apartment is halfway down over looking the busy playground and shopping district.

_Mom!_

I called out as we busted inside.

_She's not here darling still at the conference_

My Aunt Aine answered as we came into the kitchen area where she was making dinner while on her cell phone looking cute in her apron my aunt is my mom's youngest sister.

_Okay thanks Aunt Aine Res is here were just head to my room for awhile_

_Is it okay if he stays for dinner?_

_Of course he's family!_

We went down the hall to my room which is the biggest of all the rooms plenty of room now for my AV stuff my laptop my p.c stereo equipment which took up the whole left side of the room.

Opening my curtains the sun poured through the room allowing me a perfect view of the city and beach.

_Dude when did you get this beauty?_

I saw Res run his hand over my new Natural Sound Integrated Amplifier.

_Mom got it for me as a present for getting accepted into H.A_

_I just got it this weekend I was gonna to tell ya but I wanted to see the look on your face_

_Dude Freddie this is beast!_

_I know right pretty sweet _

_Oh yea dude this will be perfect for all the projects we will be getting _

He walked around my setup a mixture of AV geeks dream it ranged from an over head projector to microphone mixers amplifiers speakers wireless mics a projection screen lcd video project a huge midas pro 3 and pro 2 which has 48 in put channels 8 returns 27 mix basses 6 stereo fxenegines awesome sound a successful vca and population groups the xl8 compressor don't even get me started.

_So jealous bro the only thing my mom got me _

_Was a bus ticket with a note don't get lost loser_

I laughed slapping his back

_You told her you wanted more freedom dude _

_Yea man but fro reals a hey son I am proud of you would have been cool_

_We can't have it all man_

_I know I know but a little acknowledgment would have been appreciated_

_She fawns all over the twins when they do stupid things me ah it's no biggie_

I shrugged as I went over to my soundboard and played back a track I had been working on he jumped up out of his self pity party and grabbed the mic.

_**If I had one dream**_

_**It's for you to see**_

_**I'm not the little kick me geek you use to beat down**_

_**I am not your stepping stone**_

_**This is not some gimmick to get rich quick and say screw all ya who didn't believe in me ** _

_**This is me dammit this little rag is on his way to mop you up**_

_**Your gonna learn soon enough **_

_**Your not cooler than me**_

_**It's just shade hiding my sun so start saying**_

_**Was up son? Cuz I am on my way **_

_**Me and my boy Freddie B we on our way up we gonna **_

_**Blow up this microphone**_

_**Yea ya better get wit me now befor' I pass you up**_

_**Cuz soon enough I won't have time**_

_**To remember your last name**_

_**When I'm racking designer shades ridin in my maserati **_

_**Fans calling my name**_

_**Time to fail is up now my star is rising **_

_**See I am not that little kid who can't breathe now I breathe words to life I rock this microphone**_

_**This is my destiny and I am going to be the legacy you will be talking shit about twenty years after I am dead and gone**_

_**I use to curse god for making me different now I am older and I see he had a plan **_

_**He created me differently so I could be a champion I'm winning the toughest fight **_

_**The fight of life**_

_**Now I fight to live the life that I believe he's telling me I can have**_

_**I am not shit I am king I am not different I am unique and I am the best I am cause**_

_**He made me in his vision so follow my eyes listen to my rhymes**_

I laughed rocking to the beat as I mixed his voice with the track he was striking poses and trying on sunglasses clothes I was hardly able to pay attention cause he had me laughing so hard.

Flopping on my bed after finally calming down he laughed rushing into the bathroom muttering about bursting with his tiny bladder. I only shock my head he didn't he close the door just whipped it out and wazzed.

My eyes glazed him over he wasn't the least bit shy but hell it wasn't like I didn't have what he had just in a bigger size I mean not that I was judging or anything dudes don't do that chiz.

_I think my mom is still feeling guilty so she's trying_

_To buy my forgiveness_

_Freddie dude that's the thing about mom's they are forever _

_Talking that guilt chiz it's a whole nother world when woman are concerned_

_I swear mine could teach a class write a book and still have tons to spare_

_Heck she could create a whole soap opera with all the guilt she has_

He zipped up and flopped down on one of my Grey bean bagsstrumming my guitar.

_The thing is Freddie it's like any lesson in life_

_They have to learn to muddle through it let it go and move on_

_Cause if they don't it will destroy them and us_

_Will be fine on our own I learned a long time before she did_

_Yea sometimes life sucks lemons_

_But sometimes the hardest lemons make for the sweetest diamonds_

_Dinner Boys!_

_Awesome were starving Mrs. B!_

Shaking my head I pushed him out the door towards the dining room.

Maybe he was right though maybe my mom would learn on her own that I was doing okay she was loosing up she was more mellow than back in Seattle.

Maybe this would be the year Freddie Benson would stand on his own.

Yes this would be the year no ifs or buts about it. I was 16 now I was a man!

We were on our way to being adults and nothing was going to stop us now!


	4. Chapter 4

**Trades**

**Freddie's p o v**

_Wash your hands boys!_

Res laughed slapping my back as we went to the kitchen me groaning inside yup my mother Marissa Benson was scurrying inside the kitchen along with my Aunt Aine.

_Make sure you scrub every nook and cranny every cubicle_

_I just got back from this conference where we learned about_

_This really nasty new bug that's going that lies under the cubicles_

_Okay mom we get it_

_No boys I don't think you do see this bug_

_Works by attaching onto the dirt under your skin_

_Digging a hole into your fingertips_

_oh..._

Res groaned eying me as my stomach turned.

_Than when it's good and nestled it gets into your pores_

_Settling into your bloodstream you get intense cramping_

_Mom!_

_Mom I promise we washed our hands_

_Are you sure Freddie? Boys are always dirty_

_How do I know you weren't digging in the dirt_

_Cause were not six anymore Mom_

_Oh alright I suppose your right pumpkin_

She pinched my checks hugging me oh god kill me now Res was trying not to laugh.

Later that night after Res left I lay in bed looking out the window seeing the beautiful skyline outlined in an awesome fading brilliant orange and purple light.

This would make an awesome painting if I had any artistic ability which I had none of but Res he was accepted into the art and music program at H.A after all.

I wondered how that worked what came into factor when god or whoever was responsible for handing out talents.

Did he give them such beauty and uniqueness to make up for something else that he took away?

Was Res being such a talented artist and rapper to make up for the absence of both his health and his father?

Was Sam's ability to draw and engage people into comedy a trade for a crappy family was rapping suppose to be the reason she forgot that she was being raised by the court system?

Why did I suddenly think about Sam?

I hadn't thought of Sam in years my heart squeezed a little why would I think of her now?

Was it because I felt bad for my mom feeling so guilty?

Either way the thought of my blond demon made my heart race my palms sweat and blood run cold.


	5. Chapter 5

**Freddie's p o v**

So your probably wondering who I am?

Well let me tell you I am Claude – Val- Jean just kidding Michael Jackson yea right. I wish dude had it all the ladies the smooth criminal.. talent money take away the child molesting charges dude was on fire.

No I'm just plain old me and me is sixteen years old Freddie Fredward Benson don't call me Fredward though I cringe when my mom uses it.

I was born in Seattle Washington on February fourth 1994 growing up my childhood was pretty typical.

I was raised by my mom Marissa in our two bedroom apartment in Buskhill Palace.

I never knew my dad my mom never mentioned him. I've learned not to ask questions growing up it never even really bothered me. I was a happy kid close to my mom who worked long hours at two jobs to support me. She made sure I always had what I needed and wanted she gave me a happy childhood.

She never complained even though with two jobs sometimes three we still never seemed to have enough money to pay bills have food in the house. Still I had clothes on my back she stayed up late many nights making me homemade outfits.

They weren't always the coolest threads but they were warm and kept me clothed I remember many nights when she thought I was asleep and she'd be up late at night pouring over bills crying cause she had no idea how she was going to pay the bills.

I use to wonder why she never dated or got married now I understand she gave up her life to focus on raising me in the process she might of gotten a tad bit too attached to me.

People know she is overly attached to me what people don't know is why she is so attached to me.

The story is complicated it started on a cold windy night the city was having a blizzard and was in a snow emergency no one was suppose to be out the city was a sleet of ice and snow it was below three degrees but my mom was a nurse and was required to be at both her jobs.

Her car was broken and the buses had stopped service so she had to walk ten blocks from her day shift job at Fullertown hospital to downtown Seattle to her second job at Trayvon Mercy Shelter.

As she was walking she was trying to pay close attention to her surroundings it was pitch black and cold.

She didn't even see the car skid by till the bullets started flying. She was shot in the stomach and slipped on ice falling.

She screamed out but the few people around scattered and ran she lay in pain scared until one boy he was fifteen he was walking to his job like my mom he was also shot.

Both were weak from blood loss frozen from the cold.

The young man could barely lift my mom but he never stopped trying to help her screaming in pain in early labor he kept telling her to be strong that he would save her he wasn't going to let her die cause she had a baby who deserved to have a chance at life.

He could of saved himself but he never thought twice he carried her the rest of the way to the nearest hospital.

My mom was rushed into surgery to have an emergency c-section and to stop the bleeding.

I was born on at 1:10 am prematurely with fluid in my lungs hyprothemic. I wasn't breathing they had to do resuscitate me. The bullet entered me through my left leg the doctors had to rush to get it out and save my leg.

I lost a lot of blood I was on life support I was hooked to a warming incubator given blood transfusions they didn't think I would live they told my mom to call her family and friends and to prepare to say goodbye.

My mom however is a warrior she stood strong she prayed she called her family to stay by our sides. I started having seizures and muscles spasms I developed an infection called tetanus which caused spasms so strong they tore my muscles and caused a spinal fracture.

I was given antibiotics and T16 to neutralize the toxins, I was given medication to help control the spasms and treatment to support vital body functions.

I spent five months in NICU with my mom by my side holding my hand learning how to prevent infections clean my wounds.

Even when I was released from the hospital I had to go to therapy for five years wear a back-brace I had difficulty breathing swallowing.

It took years for my spine to heal correctly and for my breathing to become normal the doctors warned my mom all the time to keep everything clean so I didn't develop any infections or illnesses.

She kept me locked up so I wouldn't get dirty she didn't let me outside unless she was with me.

When I was little I had no idea this wasn't normal everyday I had to go to therapy I screamed in pain cause it hurt I use to cry and fight them I didn't understand why they were trying to hurt me.

There were times when I use to lay in bed crying from the back pain unable to breathe pissed because I couldn't go outside and play like the other little boys.

Sometimes I wished I was dead what was the point in living if it was to always be in pain?

Those days my mom would remind me of an angel who had to go live in heaven who would give everything to be able to walk on earth again.

His name is Noah Jeter he was 15 when he was forced to leave this earth because god wanted another angel. When he left earth he left behind a very sad mommy Solace Jeter a funny heartbroken older brother Terrance a sister Amy who lost her mind from grief and had to be hospitalized.

While he was here Noah loved to hang with his friends dancing in the streets rapping playing sports he did well in football and basketball he use to raise money by helping neighbors shovel and carry groceries cleaning to help his mom out to pay her bills. He use to take some of the younger kids from the boys and girls club to the closet skiing resort and teach them how to ski. For most of these kids it was the only vacation they got all year.

He tried to be a big brother to them showing them ways to stay away from drugs and gangs. Noah dreamed of someday attending college on scholarship on either sports or dance or music.

He loved to spend time with his brother cooking he was in college to be a chef and Noah helped him by experimenting all the time.

These are things no one ever got to know about Angel Noah like how he held down two jobs one on week nights at the movie theater and one on weekends at a restaurant hosting.

My mom reminded me all the world ever got to know about him was that he was just another statistic. Another young man gunned down on the streets in Seattle during the racial gang war in 1994.

His story touched me even as a kid how could someone so unselfishly risk their life to save two people he never met one who wasn't even born yet?

His story never even made the news his name was forgotten except those who loved him.

Whenever my mom would remind me of Angel Noah I would stop whining and do what I knew needed to be done.

By the time I was six I was able to ditch the brace but I still couldn't do sports cause my spine was too fragile.

My mom had a hard time letting me go on my first day of school hugging me in the middle of the sidewalk at Ridgeway elementary school kissing me while the other kids laughed pointing.

When I finally managed to break free she yelled out.

_Don't forget your names on the inside of your undies in case you have to change them._

_I have a second pair packed for you_

_I love you Frewdward!_

Yea that sealed my place in school forever in popularity no one would talk to me they only laughed at me pointed at me making wee-wee in the pants jokes.

It was even worse at recesses cause I couldn't do sports and had to carry antibiotic soap with me.

Even the girls made jokes the worst one was a blond demon seed who's name I never even bothered to learn till years later.

First day of kindergarten she pushed me into the ground face first calling me a fred-nerd.

Every day after that she made fun of everything about me and she beat me up.

All the kids were afraid of her she was tough she was a bully and she loved the power.

She told me I was a freak and a nerd no girl with any brains or real taste would ever like me.

The years went by and that's how everyday went than I was eight and the most amazing thing happened a new girl moved into the apartment complex.

Her name I learned was Carly Rae Shay she was eight like me with perfect skin gorgeous brown big eyes.

Wavy dark chestnut hair almost black like touching her shoulders she had the sweetest laugh and the prettiest smile.

I got tongue tied around her all the time every time I tried to win her over bringing her flowers writing lame poems. I spied on her all the time waiting for her to get home and surprising her with cookies flowers balloons.

She never returned my affections but she never made me feel stupid.

At school I hung by myself I couldn't even get the nerve to talk to her she was one of the popular girls staring in all the school plays on the dance team and in the choir.

We already established my popularity still I lived for the times where I would wait for her at home at least I could have half a shot of talking than one day she came home with a new friend...the blond demon seed.

She instantly dropped kicked me my mom came out screaming bloody murder making Carly cry in fear running away the blond demon yelling.

_Like mother like son freaks!_

Having no friends and no social life left me very lonely mom worked like crazy and she kept the apartment on lock down I couldn't leave without her knowing not that I had anywhere to go to.

So I stayed inside studying hard doing homework and researching.

I spent hours on my computer I became fascinated with AV equipment not everyone can rap sing or dance but behind every great artist is a producer sound engineer or tech master.

I threw myself into every technical thing I could but it all meant nothing without a way to showcase it.

My chance came when I was 13.

I had spent years watching Carly in the shadows her and the demon had become inseparable which meant my time with Carly became less and less the only time I could spend with Carly was when the demon was missing.

I never understood why she missed so much school but I was always grateful.

Why was 13 so good? What was the chance I am talking about?

Well we were in grade six and once again demon seed had again done something bad, her crime this time? Photo ducked picture's of our teacher Miss. Briggs head and putting it on Rino's butt's and taping them all over the school.

Carly had taken the rap for her because if demon was caught doing something bad again she would be expelled and Carly is always a good person who protects her friends always trying to get demon seed to stop doing evil things.

She constantly begged her to stop doing things that got her arrested but demon seed just enjoyed being bad.

They both got detention and had to hold the auditions for the school talent show.

Carly was so pissed to be in trouble her and demon seed got into a fight in the middle of the hall which I had to say I throughly enjoyed watching demon beg for forgiveness.

I secretly hoped Carly would end her friendship and go back to spending time with me.

Carly left the hallway yelling.

_Why am I your best friend Sam?_

Sam! That was demon seed's name uh I like demon seed better.

As she stormed off Sam pushed some boy into his locker yelling back.

_Cause I'm a lovable person!_

I ambushed Carly at her door thankfully no demon seed wow Carly must be mad they always came home together since they were eight. I begged her to let me help her with the audition tape she declined telling me to get over my crush.

So I showed up at school on Saturday uninvited with all my AV equipment forcing her to let me help.

The kids auditioning were horrible but Carly and Sam were hysterical to watch as they mimicked the kids I ended up recording them as they made fun of Miss. Briggs boobs the talentless kids.

I uploaded the video of them making fun of them by mistake Carly freaked out.

Viewers however loved them and begged for more.

Despite the trouble they got into the most amazing thing happened.

We decided to create a web-show of our own Sam and Carly stared in it and I produced it and did all the technical stuff.


	6. Chapter 6

**iPilot iQuit**

**Freddie's p o v**

The show was an instant hit we called it iCarly cause Carly's attic was used and she was the star of the show plus it was on the Internet so we combined Internet and Carly two names.

From that week on we did live shows every week on Fridays it was a ton of work to think of skits write scripts rehearse which Carly and I did 99% of the work. Sam was too lazy to help didn't care and was too busy getting in trouble.

Still she showed up when it was time to tape knew her lines was able to improv on cue and she was hysterical. Her and Carly had such amazing chemistry.

iCarly became world famous we traveled and won awards we got asked to be on talk shows we became the voice of a generation of kids who had no voice different kids unique kids.

I ran the website over the next three years we had a ton of fun met some cool kids like Wendy, Gibby we got to make a difference and we became super close I learned things about Sam that changed my views on her.

I learned that Sam's dad was in the state penitentiary for murder drug trafficking robbery and kidnapping. I learned her mom was a drug addict and a drunk who never worked didn't pay the bills didn't provide for Sam. The electric was turned off more than it was on there was never food in the house.

I learned she was abusive to Sam and Sam learned how to fight to protect herself I found out she was switched from foster home to foster home but she was always returned home to the same environment.

I figured out that Sam acting out beating people up stealing was away for her to survive.

Carly and I kissed after I saved her life and got hit by a taco truck my mom went ballistic and swore Carly was evil from that day on.

Along the way we almost dated we tortured Lewbert our doorman we got kidnapped we were sabotaged we made enemies but we gained so much more.

Carly and Sam became my best friends..Sam and I we even kissed in eight grade.

Suddenly I was popular and girls liked me boys wanted to hang with me we even explored our other talents through iCarly Sam showed off her rapping abilities and what an amazing artist she was. Carly sang and played guitar.

Life was great we were planning a big special iCarly episode for the summer before high school.

Than my life came crashing down in April of eighth grade when my mom got the opportunity of a lifetime she got a promotion and a raise she was offered the head of nursing at the Pediatric Trauma Unit.

The catch? It was in another hospital Los Angeles Children's to be precise.

They would even pay for her to go to school if she wanted to rise ahead in the medical field.

She sat down with me begging me to consider this as a positive thing she had family out there I would get to know my cousins I always wanted family around.

I would get sunshine all year round.

Plus La hosted a killer Digi convention every year which I always wanted to go to.

This job would mean my mom wouldn't have to kill herself working three jobs plus she would share rent with my aunt.

I didn't want to leave I loved my life in Seattle Sam and I had started to date and I was really starting to fall in love with her.

Still my mom had always done so much for me how could I say No? I mean beside the legal chiz like um she's my mom and provides for me.

When I was little mom and I made a pact us against the world.

Telling Carly and Sam was the hardest thing I ever had to do but I begged them to understand and support me.

Flashing back now I could still hear the pain in Carly's voice as she cried.

"_Your leaving? How could you Freddie?_

_Cause he's gutless and spineless Carly just like I said all along_

_I am not Sam!_

_She's my mom!_

_So what be a man stand up to Mommy tell her you don't want to move_

_Unless you do want to move_

_No I don't want to move Sam but it's my mom she's done so much for me_

_I can't say no_

_So were not worth fighting for that's what your saying?_

_No not at all your being over dramatic_

_No your being a jerk _

_Stop calling me a jerk!_

_Jerk stupid idiot_

_Shutup Sam_

_Grow a pair Frednub_

_This is all your crazy ass mother talking_

_She just trying to control you and your letting her_

_I am not!_

_Yes you are! If you cared about us or iCarly you'd stay and fight for us!_

_How Sam?_

_I don't know Freddie but you could of tried harder I thought you were our friend?_

_I am your friend your best friend _

_Best friends stay and fight Freddie Sam would never leave me_

_You didn't fight hard enough_

_I can't believe your saying this Carly I expected this out of demon face_

_I thought you were better than that Carly_

_You always think of yourself Freddie_

_Me? Sam your the delinquent who is always getting arrested you have no room to talk! _

_Don't make this out to be Sam's fault Freddie your the one who can't stand on your own two feet_

_Don't throw her mistakes in her face at least Sam has the balls to admit when she's wrong_

_True that Momma always tells the truth_

_Mistakes Carly she hurts people for fun!_

_She makes people feel like chiz she vandalizes people's property she breaks things_

_She beats kids up she steals yet I'm the bad guy?_

_Sam has issues she doesn't make excuses and it doesn't make her a bad person_

_All I'm doing is supporting my mother how does that make me a bad person_

_She provides me with food shelter she loves me she needs me to stand by her_

_That makes me a bad person?_

_Yes_

I don't think anything ever hurt so bad as when Carly looked me dead in the eyes and said that one single word to me.

_Aw you gonna cry now nub?_

_Your an emotional basket case just like your whack job of a mother_

_At least my mom isn't a drunken slut that had me in the back of a bus_

Sam's fist blinded me as they made contact with my left eye.

_You know what your problem has always been nub?_

My face was burning my head pounding my neck aching from the force of her punch, Carly was standing on the steps with tears running down her face. Spencer Carly's older brother who had always been like an older bro to me was holding Sam back. Damn was she ever mad.

_Sam Chill out_

Spencer's voice was stern very un Spence like.

_You have no back bone you just do what ever mommy says_

_Your problem Fredwerid is that you're always been jealous of our friendship_

_Carly and I are inseparable and you hate that_

_Jealous are you kidding me? Carly only puts up with you cause she feels sorry for your_

_Pathetic self your like a sad beaten up puppy everyone wants to pet ya but no one wants_

_A diseased thing like you around so Carly a sucker for lost causes took you in_

_What she doesn't understand is that your too damaged to be saved_

_I'll show you damaged if you don't get the hell out of here Benson!_

I looked at Carly for help her eyes were pouring out tears.

_It's your choice Freddie mommy or Sam and I _

I couldn't speak how could she? She took my silence as an answer.

_Goodbye Freddie I don't want to talk or see you ever again_

I stood shocked as she ran up the steps.

_Hope your proud of yourself Fredloser you made the girl of your dreams cry_

_What kind of idiot does that?_

_I'll tell you a self-fish one a spineless gutless_

_One someone who can only live inside their head cause when ever they make friends_

_Their too stupid too keep them have fun with momm..._

Sam gagged and pushed Spencer off her face going from beat red to pure white as she covered her mouth and ran to the bathroom clutching her stomach. Good for her she deserves to have some pain.

I looked at Spencer for help but he only shock his head looking between the bathroom where Sam was puking and the steps where Carly was in her room crying.

Slowly I gathered myself together on the verge of crying and headed to the door.

How could this be my final time I'd get to see my two best friends? Well I thought they were my true friends but now I wonder would true friends react like they did?


	7. Chapter 7

**Freddie's p o v**

Two days later my mom and I packed up and moved to Santa Monica California.

At first it was a huge adjustment the constant activity the city sounds in Seattle I never really heard the sounds cause we were so high up now I heard everything.

When I first moved here I was forced to share a room with my older cousin Austin who is three years older than me a total slob who played drums and guitar and video games all night.

He drank like crazy even though he was underage. He was a total jerk always beating me up and he smelled like dirty socks.

I never had any privacy he destroyed my Av Equipment. He made fun of my mom he sneaked his girlfriends in our room late at night and they would be up doing all kinds of nasty things.

I put up with it cause it meant so much to my mom she was trying to adjust to a new job a new city.

My aunt tried so hard to help me and Austin get along but it was impossible I was so thankful I had two other cousins that weren't spawn children.

Australia or Aussie as she preferred and Mitchell. Aussie is a year older than me and she's a musician she's book smart like me and isn't into sports at all.

Aussie convinced me to join dance class with her, I fell in love with jazz and I discovered I had some raw talent.

It was her that convinced me I should try out for Hollywood Arts she was already a sophomore and was in love with the school.

So I gave it a shot in the summer I went to audition for tech I had very little time to prepare but I threw together a slide show of my work from iCarly.

I was nervous as hell as I waited for my interview watching kids coming in and out of every room.

Downstairs was a table to register they gave me a number the room was swamped with thousands of kids all auditioning for drama, vocal, dance, art, tech. So many voices rung out in songs screams cheers cries laughter so many different languages.

Somehow I lost Aussie, I was wandering around totally lost and in awe the school was massive and so colorful murals decorated all the walls could I truly end up here as a freshman?

_Hey watch where your going!_

I jumped as I almost tripped over the finest girl I had ever known since Carly.

She was on the ground in a split looking up in wide eyed hazel stare.

Her hands flew up almost palming me in my private parts.

_Watch it there big boy I barely survived the audition I don't want to be mowed down by an elephants_

_Not that I don't love elephants cause I do their so cute and fluffy_

_How can something so big be so cute!_

She sprang up with incredible ease.

Damn this girl was fine her long pale ivory legs so smooth even glistening with sweat in those tiny pink black short shorts that clung to every part of her tiny frame in perfect erecting glory.

_Hi I'm Cat like the animal meow_

She held out her hand I was frozen again god she was just so beautiful she had the highest pitch voice even higher than Mickey mouse but it was adorable.

_What's your name silly?_

_uh...I..uh.._

_Cat what did I tell you about talking too much?_

Her friend came up wearing a black and purple plaid skirt with knee high boots a tight halter top connected by suspenders it looked like some short of jump suit.

Damn her friend was curvy she had long light brown hair streaked with purple highlights her skin was a creamy rich peach.

Kids seemed to jump out of her way faster than she could push them out of her way. Cat seemed to fear her cause she jumped but her smile told me she didn't fear her but respected her.

_Hey boy with no name this is my bestie Jadey _

_Cat what did I tell ya about calling me that in public?_

Jade's eyes glared Cat down but she didn't seem to care she twirled her hair and popped her gum.

_Never ever call me that in public or what might happen?_

_Mystical my magical unicorn might lose her stuffing_

_Exactly and what did you just do?_

_I accidentally called you Ja..that in public_

_I'm so sorry please don't hurt my baby she's my only friend_

_Wrong answer Cat_

_What's that suppose to mean?_

Cat's eyes went wide please don't cry I hate when girls cry.

_I'm your friend_

_Oh yea duh_

Cat nudged her hip against Jade's smiling sexy.

_Your my bff don't forget it Cat but don't call me that in public ever again!_

Cat threw her arms around Jade's shoulders Jade huffed.

_Get off of me!_

Cat just giggled kissing her check.

_How did your audition go?_

_Uh I can't tell the stupid teacher kept staring at my ..well you know and the other one almost wet himself_

_I'm sure you did amazing baby_

_Thanks Cat wanna come with me?_

_Yay trips I love trips!_

She clapped.

_Where are we taking a trip to?_

_The bathroom I have to whazz so bad _

_Yea now that you mention it I have to as well_

_Hey no name boy want us to show you around the school?_

I nodded unable to speak.

_Hey Cat!_

We looked up to see a strange boy carrying a puppet coming towards us.

_I think I did it!_

_I think I got in!_

_Oh my god that's so cool Robbie congrats _

She clapped running over to him to hug him squealing he stumbled back a little but caught her grinning. Dropping the puppet to catch her.

_So you got a name son?_

Jade spoke up rolling her eyes at the other two. Her eyes lite up as another boy with black hair came up grinning.

_Jade baby I did it!_

_Did what baby?_

_I got in!_

_How do you know were just auditioning now! _

The boy with black hair slicked it back as he grinned holding his free hand up to her face which seemed to get red as her mind went over the possibilities yea she was a jealous one I could tell that already.

_The teacher winked at me and said congratulations _

_I can't wait to have you as a student_

_This year big boy than she hugged me _

_What are you kidding me!_

_She hit on you?_

_Yea but.._

_I'll kill her! _

_Jade calm down_

_Calm down I'm_

_She's old your hot baby your the only one I want to be with_

_Oh.._

Jade's voice got deeper as she arched her eyebrow the boy who's name I can't remember but I know it was strange something like heckett reckit..grinned scooping her up in his arms pulling her to his waist kissing her passionately.

Yeah they weren't virgins that much was for sure it was clear they knew each other's bodies way to well the way his hand fell on the small of her back pulling her close or how hers ran his stomach and torso,

_Ew PDA gross get a room_

They deepened their kiss Cat's eyes looked away as she blushed shifting her feet.

Was she a virgin yet? Her body language told me she was she looked uncomfortable.

_I thought you had to whazz Jade?_

Jade suddenly groaned running away Cat followed.

_Wait for me!_


	8. Chapter 8

**Shown around**

**Freddie's p o v**

"_So this is the asplaht cafe where students eat healthy school lunches_

_They will clean your digestive systems out every night without fail_

_Thanks for the bio lesson Robbie my man _

_No problem Andre_

_Yo' who's the new kid?_

_Hey kid ya gots a name?_

Speak Freddie speak I took a deep breath in let it out the words are there.

Cat and Jade were in the ladies room leaving me with Robbie the puppet boy Andre who had come up when we sat down in the cafe filled with kids. He was carrying his keyboard.

Than the dude who was making out with Jade was sitting by Andre sipping his coffee.

_So what are you auditioning for?_

_Aw um Tech stuff_

_Oh so your a geek that explains the tongue twisting _

_Rex that's not nice!_

_Dude did your puppet just insult me?_

_I'm not a puppet geek and yes I did_

_Yay empty bladders!_

Cat cheered as they came back.

_Let's show no name boy around some more_

She took my hand wait she touched me!

Her touch left me speechless as she dragged me from room to room.

_This is the black box theater _

_Down this hall here is the drama dept classrooms_

_Mr. Sikowitz is the teacher you want to have he is hella cool_

_Yea he's the reason we all met_

Andre jumped in to the conversation as Cat leaned over Jade's shoulder to whisper something giggling was she whispering about me? I blushed was it good? Was it bad? I checked myself out was something sticking out that wasn't suppose to?

_We met three years ago at a camp run by Hollywood arts it's open every summer_

_From June till Mid July for students grade 6-8 who want to audition for H.A before 9th grade_

_Yea I shared a cabin with Cat and some really annoying older girl who can't sing worth chizballs_

Jade screamed at some older girl who screamed back glaring at Jade.

_No one likes you Trina_

_Jade.._

Coffee boy warned her she glared at him.

_Anyway so yea we had Sikowitz as our teacher that year and since Jade was hitting on Beck_

_Sikowitz broke them apart and paired me with her which pissed Beck off and he started a fight with me_

_So Sikowitz challenged us to a improv Cat and Jade were already friends _

_Beck and I aced the assignment and became really cool friends turned out we were also cabin mates_

_So was I!_

Robbie chimed in grinning Rex glared.

_Over the years we pushed each other to do our best_

_So here we are now auditioning oh snap we got to run oh _

_I forgot you never said your name_

_Oh well good luck no name hope to see you next year_


	9. Chapter 9

**Freddie's p o v**

**A/N This chapter contains some mature adult discretion] **

I didn't get in that year my presentation wasn't prepared enough it was sloppy I was heartbroken I wanted to attend that school so bad.

I wanted Cat so bad it hurt.

Cat with her big beautiful smile her funny high laugh her smooth skin oh god the thought of her was doing things to my body that one area more so than any other.

The pressure was building up thank god my door was locked I slide my hand inside my shorts thinking of those eyes those luscious pouty lips.

I felt my own teeth biting my own lips as I wrapped my hand around myself the pressure of my fingertips against my skin was both tingling sense of pleasure and pain.

My bed whined as my body shuddered god her cute laugh.

I imagined her at her first school dance her womanly curves pressed tightly against my manhood as we grinned together.

I felt myself harden throbbing with wetness as thoughts of Cat filled my mind.

Those lips I want them on me Cat laying naked under the sun Cat in that pink outfit as she twirled and span.

The intense feeling over took my body wracking me with guilt and pleasure,

Closing my eyes I breathed out slowly coming down from the high.

Thankfully no one guessed what I was doing as I slipped into the bathroom to relieve myself and wash up.

Returning to my bed I put on my pear pod laying down.


	10. Chapter 10

**Freddie's p o v**

So I started my freshman year at Santa Monica Catholic High School my mom thought it would be easier for me at a private school.

She wanted me to focus on my grades not girls she said I was too depressed over Sam and Carly I needed to remember what mattered most. Grades and getting an education.

She also thought it would be cool to sew my name into my clothes what was I eight again? In her sleep derived haze though she accidentally sewed the name into the wrong side of the uniform.

So my first day of school I went unknowingly wearing my new uniform with my name across the back.

I am Fredward Benson If Lost Contact My Mommy At

Of course she also insisted on walking me up to the office on my first day yelling.

_I love you Fredward_

_Don't forget to eat your veggies_

My first class I was shoved into my desk someone threw a spit ball at me.

I was chased out of the classroom by five kids who caught me since I had no idea where I was going they threw me against the lockers hitting me punching me.

I never said a word the last thing I wanted was for my mom to get involved.

Everyday I was thrown into walls lockers garbage made fun of giving death looks.

No one sat with me or talked to me my lunch money was stolen my electronics smashed.

Books knocked out of my hands my homework stolen or copied.

I was forced to take the rap for the main bully when he was caught cheating. I took the suspension the detention the points on my record.

Than he beat me up anyway I told my mom I got injured in gym she cursed the school for being too rough on kids.

I was tripped at lunch I had food thrown at me I was beaten held down while they scolded me with hot water.

I was too little to fight them off too weak.

I missed Sam she would never let this happen to me back in Seattle.

I avoided taking gym because the locker room was a prime bully spot, they yanked my chairs out in class everyone laughed as I lay sprawled on the floor.

The teachers did nothing even when they saw them pushing me around in the halls stealing my bags or shoes.

They cornered me int the halls four of them shoved me into the girls bathroom.

Locking the door I banged on the door forever screaming but no one came.

I can still hear their words that day as they laughed about this boy Tanner who shot himself the night before.

I can still see Tanner's face when he was shoved into the bathroom the day before his eyes so full of pain as they kicked him broke his arm laughed at him.

They ripped my clothes off shoving my face into the crotch of their leader.

_Suck it like the little bitch you are Fredweeina_

I tried to fight them as they overpowered me hitting me spitting at me biting me punching me kicking me shoving me naked into the girls bathroom.

_Kill yourself just like that loser join your boyfriend bitch_

I barely knew Tanner but I felt his pain in his blue eyes as I fell against the bathroom wall the same one he must of leaned against the day before all I could think of was maybe Tanner was right.

I just wanted to escape the pain I felt my body shaking with sobs as I pulled out a bottle if sleeping pills I had stolen them from mom that morning.

_Are you really going to let them win?_

The voice came from above. I looked up to see Tanner's best friend Breslin conner sitting there on the window sill high above me a rope from his neck they had tied his hands back and his legs together. They had tried to hang him but he had out smarted them and I bet they didn't know yet.

_I'm sick of being the victim you don't understand_

_I don't understand? Hello I have a rope around my neck I'm tied up I have to whazz_

_Kid I've been through this since Elementary school _

_You just came this year_

_Than you should know why I want to do this_

_No I don't neither do I get why Tanner did what he did_

_He let them win he wasted his life he could have been a great musician he took that chance away_

_Not me man I am going to win get the best revenge I am going to to get through this_

_I'll help you if you want me to_

I took his hand it was the best decision I ever made from that day on we stuck together working out every day after school on the local gym.

We went to a support group for victims against bullying we started working on our audition for H.A.


	11. Chapter 11

**Freddie's p o v**

Res hadn't had the courage to audition till he met me I never stopped believing I would get in.

He helped me physically I helped him mentally together we created a Anti-Bullying music video Psa movie he grabbed a bunch of friends from his church and from the hospital.

Res is 5'6 he's tall and lanky weighing only 90's back than.

He has curly brown hair and green eyes looking like a lost puppy.

Res was born in Ireland to his mom Sharon she was only 17 when she had his two sisters Erin and Adele than at 18 she had Res.

Her boyfriend was from the usa in the army a 22 year old he swore he would give her a good life.

Res was always sick and the bills mounted up no one could understand why he didn't gain weight he was always coughing filled with phlegm which never seemed to go away.

He was in the hospital 5 or 6 times a year with lung infections short of breath.

Rarely ate or went to the bathroom.

When he was three his parents finally moved to the USA three months later his baby sister Stacey April was born.

That summer he collapsed on the playground in cardiac arrest they rushed him to the hospital.

Doctors there monitored him they noticed he had very salty skin they gave him a sweet test.

His life changed dramatically he was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis.

The doctors told him he wouldn't live past 18 he was picked on constantly because of his illness.

CF robs a patient of so much but worse is the expense and emotional toll on his family his dad did two tours to help pay but his dad died in Afghanistan in 2006.

His mom was forced to start working three jobs leaving him in charge of his little sister.

Res learned to embrace life and live life to the fullest that's how he got through the bullying he knew how precious life was.

He taught me an old lesson value what I have while I have it cause you never know when life will change.

He reminds me of Angel Noah I learned I needed to fight for what I wanted.

I want Cat and I will fight for her.


	12. Chapter 12

Monday Morning

**Sam's p o v**

_Ah_

Oh now what? I groaned rolling over in my bed what the heck was Cat screaming about?

Oh god what time was it? Rolling over I fumbled over my head for my stupid alarm clock on the wooden shelf above my head. As usual my side of the room was a total mess.

_Ah_

Cat came running in screaming tearing apart the room.

_Uh Cat what's wrong?_

Pulling the covers over my head I tried to block out her screaming but within seconds Cat was on top of me pulling my British covers off of me.

_Sam wake up!_

_I need you_

Sitting up I rubbed my head and eyes Cat was still in her P.J's her hair a total mess.

_Cat don't you have school in like 60 minutes?_

_Yes_

_So why aren't you ready?_

_I can't find my pink jeans_

_So wear something else_

_NO!_

_I always wear my pink jeans on the first day of school it's traditional_

_Wake up you have to help me find them!_

_NO Cat go aw...ah..._

I had no idea how strong Cat was until I was being pulled out of my bed and dragged across the floor by a heap from a 92 lbs girl.

_I need those pants_

_Oh my god Cat it's not that big of a deal_

_Yes it is!_

_Why is it such a big deal?_

I got up rubbing my head as she tore apart the room looking.

_Cause freshman year I got the lead in the Senior/Jr choir first day no one ever did that before or since _

_Ryder Daniels told me I looked hot! He was a grade ahead of me do you know what that means for a freshman to be hit on by an older level?_

_It's everything!_

_Sophomore year I got the lead in the senior play I got voted president of the drama club_

_Jade told me I looked hot and that the jeans made my butt look firm and tight_

I groaned shaking my head actresses always so damn dramatic.

_Fine I'll help you look go shower I'll find your stupid jeans_

_All I want is sleep_

_Well maybe you shouldn't go to bed so late_


	13. Chapter 13

**Sam's p o v**

_Cat _

I came out of the laundry room carrying her stupid pink jeans covered in purple and black flowers.

Uh how could she wear these?

_Cat_

_She's in the shower_

_Oh _

_My_

_God_

I jumped seeing Nona in the kitchen making coffee.

_Good morning Sam_

_Uh good morning what are you doing here?_

_Well it's lovely to see you as well_

I laughed blushing shaking my head.

_Sorry that was a bit rude '_

_That was tame for you Sam_

_Uh thanks so yea back to the original question_

_Oh yes what am I doing here in my own home?_

I sat down laughing as Nona poured me some coffee she handed me a cup.

_As I am sure you already experienced my granddaughter _

_Can be quite dramatic _

_On the first day of school_

_Yea ya don't say just a tad bit _

Nona laughed as she joined me at the counter.

_She always been this way?_

_She's always been dramatic yes and always superstitious but it didn't get this bad until _

_Freshman year Hollywood Arts_

_What made her this..._

_Psycho?_

_Yes good word_

_I think it's just a mixture of teenage hormones nerves the pressure of going to such a prestigious school_

_Plus a few other factors _

_Other factors Oh Nona do tell_

_Sorry dear that is for Cat to tell_

_Oh but I want to know_

_Than I am afraid you will have to talk to Cat_

_Speaking of cat where_

_My jeans!_

_Where are my jeans?_

_Right here darlin'_

Nona held up the jeans as Cat came flying out of the shower in just her towel.

_Oh my god you found my jeans thank you Nona!_

She snatched the jeans from her grandmother's hands and hugged Nona tightly.

_Thank you so much Nona I love you you are the best!_

_Yay _

She ran off to the bed room as I muttered

_Yea Nona is the best_

_Jealous Sam?_

I laughed as Nona asked me that question sipping my coffee.

_How did you know Nona?_

_Darling I practically raised Cat I know every ounce there is to know of that girl_

_I know she has to have those jeans for the first day of school so I came here yesterday_

_To wash them while you girls were out but I got called away before I could dry them_

_So I came here as fast as I could today_

_Next time could you come a little earlier?_

_Yes well I didn't take into consideration that she's living further from school than the past two years_

_So she's up earlier than I expected_

_Oh well crisis averted thanks Nona_

_Not a problem Sam why are you so tired?_

_I was up since 2 am talking to Carly on Skype_

_Darling that's not good for you_

_I know but I have to talk to her_

Nona shock her head

_Hurry up Cat you have 20 minutes to get to school_

_AH!_

It takes about 22 minutes to get there on a good traffic days but on a Monday Morning it would be a nightmare.

Finally Nona ushered her out the door now I could go back to sleep.

_In coming call from Carly Shay_

That was strange I just talked to her oh well I wouldn't argue with more Carly time.

_Aloha Chica_

_Hey Sam_

She giggled

_Sorry I forgot to tell you something_

_What's that cupcake?_

I flopped down on my bed as Carly's smiling face appeared on the computer screen why wasn't she in school? It had to be at least two pm in Italy.

_Something the matter kid-o?_

_No sorry didn't mean to scare you _

_S'kay cookie but fro real are you alright?_

_Yea_

Carly sighed that was never a good thing.

_What's the sigh for baby?_

_Oh I'm just a little lonely _

_Why what's up?_

_My dad is just working so much I don't know I thought I would see him more I guess_

_I don't I thought it would be different somehow_

_I mean I hadn't seen him in years since I was eight _

_I'll be leaving for college next year I just figured he would want to you know _

_Spend some time with his only daughter_

_Isn't he?_

_Not really_

Carly's lips quivered as she bit it her eyes filled with tears my whole body tightened please don't cry baby please cupcake don't cry.

_Oh baby I'm sure he will be you just have to remember he's been alone for these past _

_Ten years he's not use to having his daughter home he has to adjust to a whole new schedule_

_Yea I never thought about that Sam wow thanks_

_Anytime cupcake I mean he would be crazy not to want you in his life_

_I bet he's making plans to spend some father daughter time with you as we speak_

_You really think so Sam?_

_Hell Yea Shay_

_That makes me feel better_

_Good glad to hear it_

_Glad one of us feels better_

_Why what's wrong Sam?_

Carly's eyes filled with worry those big beautiful hazel eyes in the middle of her smooth perfect cute face.

_I'm okay didn't mean to make you worry it's just been a rough morning_

_What happened baby?_

I told her as we both rolled with laughter I was laughing so hard at her impression of Cat that I had tears rolling down my eyes.

_I forgot school starts so early back home_

_Oh it didn't start there yet?_

_Not for another two weeks_

_You say it like you regret moving up there _

_No I wouldn't say that _

_I just wish it didn't happen so fast I wish I had more time to say goodbye_

_To you baby to Spencer to Gibby, Wendy but I am glad to spend time with my dad_

_If he ever comes home to spend time together_

She sighed shaking her head god I missed her I just wanted to wrap my arms around her and hold her close.

I wanted to kiss her and take away her pain.

_Don't you ever miss Seattle Sam?_

_Nah why would I Carl's there's nothing there for me anymore not with you gone_

We talked for awhile before she had to get dinner started but promised to chat again tonight. My stomach growled as I closed my laptop but I was too tired to move.

My thoughts flashed back to Seattle what did I have there for me?

Nothing my sister Melanie had split a long time ago never looking back she got her scholarship to her fancy smashy boarding school.

I hadn't seen her since I was eight same as my father expect for a few visits here and there. We had lost our connection when we left.

Ridgeway Elementary School held contests every year for students who showed good attendance a desire to learn and who made good grades.

Mel always strove ahead of our classmates school was always a struggle for me.

Growing up we had no money our mom Pam was raised by two teenager parents who grew Meth in their backyard.

She ran the streets from an early age hanging out with gang members Mel and I were born on a city bus which she was riding to keep warm.

With no medical help she delivered us with only two fellow passengers to help her.

Mel was born first with no complications but when I came out the cord was wrapped around my throat I wasn't breathing one of the passengers cut the cord and did CPR on me while my mom drank one of her stashed bottles.

You think someone would of taken us away from her or reported her to Social services but no one did anything.

She had no real home she hoped around to who ever had the coke or the weed we were left alone so many times.

She was always high or drunk always kicking us out yelling at us beating us. I would take Mel'shand and lead her away we would usually end up at the park under the bridge or a bench huddled together trying to keep warm.

I had my first drink when I was six months old she had no baby formula no food in the house I was crying non stop so she poured it in my mouth. It did the job and knocked me out.

There were always guys in and out of the house she sold drugs bought drugs hung with gang members.

The only thing I know about my dad is that he was one of ten gang members my mom slept with to prove her loyalty to the white supremacy group.

I saw guys drop and go to prison and to the grave from the time I was a baby they taught me how to fight.

I knew who my dad was his name was clandestine he was a skinhead with anger management issues he was always drunk always in fights he hated the police with such a burning passion.

School had no patience for me I was never able to pay attention or sit still and people just annoyed me so I was always fighting and arguing with people.

I had a temper just as bad as my dad when another kid annoyed me I would just beat them up so bad they never spoke to me again.

Fighting was the reason I got locked up in Juvie the first time I was eight Mel was home for a visit and all mom could do was brag about how amazing she was and how she was the perfect daughter she never failed a spelling test like I did the day before she never talked back to the teacher like I did and got a detention.

I was so mad that when I went to school and some nerdy boy made a smart remark to me I punched his face in so hard his nose wouldn't stop bleeding. They had to rush him to the hospital.

I broke his nose and caused bleeding in his brain.

I was arrested and charged with assault and battery when they arrested me they found weed on me. So I was also charged with illegal narcotics.

When they released me my mom kicked me out so I slept on the streets again when I got to school I was so hungry and so tired and there was a girl eating a tuna sandwich and it was over I attacked it and tried to steal it and she fought back.

She won to could have been because I was so tired and weak from hunger and being locked up for two days that I had no energy but she surprised me by sharing the sandwich with me.

Her name was Carly and to me she was an angel she stood up to me she didn't let me bully her but she didn't bully me back she became protective and loving to me.

She took me under her wings opened her heart to me and her home.

I crashed at Carly's so much her family was always so sweet making cookies and delicious meals helping us with homework making sure we were washed up had clean clothes her dad was always there to tickle us and throw the ball around with he loved his sports and we would go to the park where Carly would chase bunnies and I would throw the ball with him or have a basketball game.

Spencer was always making us laugh her mom always made sure Carly had extra lunch packed so I wouldn't go without food, since my mom never had any money to pay the electric bill water bill never mind any to buy food.

I spent nights going on missions with her gang member friends who taught me ow to hot wire a car pick a lock keep guard break into a house undetected they taught me how to smuggle drugs.

I barely slept at night never studied but I made money my grades were horrible but Mel somehow she stayed focused on school through out the insanity.

I envied her in a way.

Than Carly's mom died from Breast Cancer when she was eight her dad left for another tour two months before.

She moved in across town with Spencer something inside of her died that day.

I mean she loves Spencer but she missed her parents desperately.

Carly and I became each other's strength she was always there for me when I was kicked out arrested hungry, cold, scared, confused. I made her laugh and took her mind of her problems I don't know where I got my gift of comedy from but it saved her and made her smile

When icarly started something inside of her changed something came alive it replaced an emptiness inside of her.

Over the next three years everything got better we were all so focused on iCarly nothing else mattered we poured our hearts and souls into it for me it gave me a chance to focus on something positive and it gave me a feeling of accomplishment that finally I had done something awesome and positive.

When Freddie and I started to date I felt for the first time that I was worthy of love he appreciated me for me and understood why I was the way I was.

Freddie was my first kiss my first love he was my first everything if you get my drift I was never the girl to get all mushy and loving dovey but Freddie just made me feel so special. Even when we were pressured into having sex by our peers he never made it dirty or bragged about it.

Than he left us Carly cried non stop and she wouldn't see me Spencer and I were so worried but he thought he had to honor her wishes and didn't let me inside. So I went home to a house filled with people I didn't know who were stoned high and drunk the house wrecked from the endless party.

No food no drinks that weren't alcoholic it sucked there was no heat no light just the candles so I left I slept on the streets it was so cold and I had nothing except the hoodie and my shorts.

I was sick and tired but I couldn't sleep.

I never felt so alone.


	14. Chapter 14

**Future Hope**

**Sam's p o v**

Something inside of me snapped that day I went to the first liquor store and broke in robbing the joint I drank all night and when I was so wasted I didn't even know what time it was I broke into the school.

I trashed the Av studio destroyed the AV equipment I spray painted graffiti all over. I never meant to hurt anyone but that stupid Mrs. Briggs caught me I couldn't get expelled Carly would be so mad she would never recover.

I was high I was drunk and I was scared I grabbed my gun without thinking and shot her.

She died I was charged with murder and sentenced to Six years in Juvie Carly was so devastated she cried and she kept asking me Why?

Why didn't I talk to her?

Why did I have a gun?

Why didn't I tell her about my mom?

Why did I shot someone?

That's the question I could never answer.

I spent so much time in Seg I was so angry I kept fighting other kids staff members.

I had a lot of cage rage so I was strapped to a chair.

They put me on meds I had so much therapy at some point I had to make a change keep the anger and lose myself or listen to them and have a future.

Two years into my stay they started filming a reality show called Locked up Seattle King Juvie. I was featured in it.

I started to learn the behind the scenes of working and how awesome it was.

One of the producers Heather Wyatt took a special liking to me she always told me I was stronger than I gave myself credit for.

She helped me make the change and even fought for me to get a second chance because of her and Carly I was sprung early Heather helped us produce our own show called iCam our friends Wendy and Gibby helped us.

Through it all we helped discover talented kids who were at risk who needed that edge to be saved.

iCam was different than iCarly but it gave us that spark we asked one of my friends from Juvie and Locked up Danny to help us out he was gay and transgender and he had been locked up for attacking someone who had thrown rocks at him he was so smart in Av stuff and so funny we partied with him many nights.

Danny was the one who convinced Carly and I that we had feelings for each other we had both been harboring them for so long but when we were finally able to admit that we loved each other she saved me she gave me focus.

I wanted to be a better person for her when her dad came home this summer and asked her to go to Italy for a year my heart broke but I wanted her to be happy so I encouraged her to go.

Spencer gave me a bike and I took off I just drove till I ended up here.

I met Cat we started a babysitting service Carly doesn't mention Freddie but I know she has forgiven him.

I can never forgive him..

Why?

Because when he left me he didn't just leave me...he left..

_Mommy I'm hungry where's my food!_

I sighed little Shay Desai Puckett was up and demanding food just like his momma he had one heck of an appetite.

He came running out his brown hair ruffled to his neck and his eyes sleepy his stomach growling as he threw himself in my arms laughing.

_I'm hungry mommy didn't you hear me I want food now!_

_I want pancakes I want eggs I want cereal and lots of milk!_

_Boy you can sure eat_

Well like mother like son.


	15. Chapter 15

**Freddie's p o v**

"_Freddie my darlin you look so grown up with your new hair cut and these new awesome clothes_

_Thanks Auntie A_

_Nervous?_

_Slightly I mean I know I have Aussie but I just really want to do well_

_It's only natural darling new school it's a big deal school and all the kids are insanely talented_

_Eat up kids eat up there's plenty where this came from_

My Aunt had gone to town cooking a feast of scrambled eggs pancakes potato's grits oatmeal toast my stomach growled as I took it all in.

_Wow thanks Auntie_

_Your welcome darlin_

She patted my back

_Aussie lets go!_

No answer

_Come on let's go!_

She yelled for my youngest cousin who I heard moan as she sighed while I dug into my food yum she went to answer the door.

_Well good morning sunshine_

_Hello Ms. Benson_

Res breezed into the condo grinning bright his eyes went wide.

_Yes we get the feast!_

_Dig in Res more than enough_

He didn't need a second invitation he threw his bag down and grabbed a plate practically drooling.

_Glad someone is enjoying this since my own two won't even wake their lazy butts up to come down and enjoy this fabulous feast!_

_Mom chill were coming!_

Mitchell dragged himself out of bed still in his spider man P.J's

_Well you look lovely _

_Bite me nerd_

_Mitchell don't talk to your cousin that way_

My Aunt slapped the back of his head he yelped. Grabbing his head he glared at me Res swallowed the last of his morning pills before digging into his buttery sugary mess.

It's tradition here that every school year since Aussie started that we have a huge feast my aunt believes we need energy and since will be dieting all year she wants us to enjoy a big meal.

I think my aunt and my mom have too much time to talk their both a little nuts.

As soon as we pulled up at school Aussie ran screaming to her best friends Molly, Trina, and some other squealing girls.

Res and I looked at each other shrugging it was all so intense we could hear the music blocks down.

In the courtyard kids were dancing clapping cheering. Res and I slowly made our way down kids were singing everyone was so happy unlike our old schools which had cliques here everyone seemed to get along with everyone.

As we strolled we saw all kids were looking at us smiling calling out to us.

_Hey what's your name?_

_Welcome to Hollywood Arts_

_Come join us!_

We joined one group which was break dancing one girl smiled at us.

_Hi I'm Neesha_

_Hey I'm Res this is Freddie_

At the sound of an unusual bell Neesha smiled motioning for us to follow but the mess of students got us tripped up.

_Res_

_Nessh_

I twirled trying to find them

Bam I was knocked flat on my butt looking up I caught the most piercing blue eyes I had ever seen.

Followed by the most ear piercing scream that ever made human ears bleed. 


	16. Chapter 16

**Freddie's p o v**

She nearly killed me! She's frigging crazy I spent ten minutes running from her as she sliced at me with her scissors.

Just when I thought I was safe that I had lost her she jumped out of the hallway grabbing me tackling me tot he ground. Everyone scattered when they saw me going down great everyone was seeing her bullying me and no one was helping me.

My heart was pounding when she pressed the metal to my throat I felt my whole body freeze.

I couldn't scream the scariest feeling in this world was being trapped unable to move while everyone stood laughing and pointing.

I wanted to scream Get off of me!

I couldn't.

_Jade get off of him now!_

Some teacher came racing to my rescue as she jumped off of me growling the nice man grabbed her arm ordering her to his office at lunch.

Dragging her off as she glared at me. My heart wouldn't stop pounding.

_Oh my god are you alright?_

The voice of an angel called out to me as I sat up dizzy I stared into the eyes of one of the most beautiful sights I had ever seen and she wasn't Cat.

_I'm so sorry Jade is crazy are you okay?_

_What's your name son?_

Swallowing I took a deep breath.

_Freddie Benson_

_Cool let me help you up_

She took my hand hers were so slender I was afraid I would break them but she was stronger than she let on.

Pulling me up in one swift movement I almost became dizzy from how fast I was on my feet kids had moved on and the halls were crowded again with everyone trying to get to their classes. Just as another kid came running up to me his eyes were wide his curly red hair was all over as he slapped me on my back.

_Whoa dude are you okay that was wild!_

_Sinjiin what are you doing? Recording it really? The poor kid is just starting don't shove a mic in his face._

_Tori the field of acting and technology is very competitive I have to jump at a story when I see one_

_What story? It's just Jade having one of her meltdowns_

_She's crazy dude nothing to report on_

_Hey I have a nose for stories I can smell one a mile away and I know this is about to be a big one!_

_Don't call Jade crazy she's an artist she feels things deeply and passionately!_

_So how do you feel?_

Was this kid for real? Shoving a mic in my face how was I suppose to feel being attacked on my first moment in school.

These kids were crazy the girl pushed me forward grabbing my schedule from my hands.

_Get lost Sinjiin_

_Not without a comment_

_Fine ya want a comment?_

_Yes I do!_

_Tell that crazy bitch to stay the hell away from me or I swear I will make her regret ever picking up those scissors._


	17. Chapter 17

**Freddie's p o v**

"_Flying Monkey's! Bombs away!_

Something hard hit me on my head as I walked into my last preforming arts class of the day rubbing my head I looked up just in time to see some crazy old dude looking come sailing in on a zipline throwing some coconuts we dropped to the floor few girls screamed.

Breathing hard I felt like the wind was knocked out of me pain was shooting through my head.

Hot breath startled me looking to my right I saw the beautiful girl from this morning.

_He's crazy_

_That seems to be a theme around here_

She giggled as I grabbed her hand and pulled her under a chair yeah I am real smooth she smiled as the coconut hit the metal of the chair of our hiding place.

_Who ziplines inside?_

She laughed as I helped her up smiling she brushed back her hair.

_Thanks for helping me up _

Brushing herself off as everyone else got up taking their seats.

_I'm Tori Vega by the way _

She smiled as she hugged me damn she smelled amazing I wondered if Cat smelled this amazing.

_Tori any relation to Trina?_

She rolled her eyes and groaned.

_Yea were stuck as sisters_

_I feel for you_

_Everyone feels for me I feel for me_

She giggled her checks flushed with color as crazy dude cleared his throat.

_Good morning crazy kids welcome to this wonderful world of drama_

_Take your seats and prepare yourself to be thrust into this crazy world of drama_

_I hope you had a fantastic summer and are ready to work your tussies off_

_Cause this is not for the weak this year is only for those crazy passionate dedicated willing to die for their craft._

_To the new students_

_Good Luck_

His chuckle made me wonder what the hell was about to happen?

Good Luck really?

_Will start with an alphabet improv ._

He clapped as he looked around and pointed.

_Jade _

_Cat _

_Yay!_

She jumped up clapping squealing.

_New boy what's your name son?_

I gulped

_Freddie Benson_

_Follow their lead these two are pro's Jade take it._

_Annoying Sikowitz you are still as nutty as ever _

He smiled he seemed to know Jade well he only smiled pointing to Cat.

_Be nice Jadey_

She glared huffing as he pointed to me okay I think I got this remember your vow be a man, get what you want deep breath.

_Cat_

She looked at me eyes wide twirling her hair batting her eyelashes god she's freaking perfect, she gave a little yelp.

_Cat kiss me now_

She was stunned but I gave no one time to do anything but gasp grabbing her kissing her hard damn her lips were so soft she tasted amazing like strawberries.

I wrapped my arms around her pulling her close she didn't fight me but she didn't kiss back.

_Don't you!_

Jade screamed as I felt Cat's hands on my chest I didn't let her push me away I grabbed her butt pulling her close she gasped which only opened her mouth wider allowing me deeper access.


	18. Chapter 18

**Freddie's p o v**

Cat shrieked pushing me away as the teacher jumped in.

_Enough Improv excellent _

_I'm going to!_

Jade screamed as the teacher put his hands on her shoulder she was beat red as she shock everyone was looking at her strange including Cat and I why did she care if I kissed Cat?

Cat wouldn't look at me she wiped her mouth and ran to her seat burying her head in Tori's arms.

Was she okay? I didn't mean to offend her or scare her. Chiz maybe she felt assaulted.

_Acting is more than just saying lines and learning techniques it's about becoming the character_

_Last years winners of our screen writing and song writing sophomore class are Jade and Andre._

Everyone applauded as the teacher made her sit down she crossed her arms pissed off glaring at me I sunk into my seat.

_Take a bow Jade_

She glared at him this time

_Jade join Andre up here and take a bow_

Nothing sighing he took a sip of coconut juice.

_Did you hear me Jade?_

_Yes Mr. Sikowitz _

So that was crazy dude's name he motioned for her to do as he said she grunted the class applauded her as I watched Cat's eyes lite up she was so sweet standing up cheering the loudest for her friend.

_Yay Jadey!_

Mr. Sikowitz went on

_This semesters project is for you students to help bring this project to life on both film and stage Andre and Jade are going to do a little song they wrote together which is the feature song of the film._

Jade took a deep breath shaking out her body as Andre prepared himself at the piano.

The melody was smooth and jazzy.

Her voice deep and powerful full of emotion.

_Are you ready?_

_They ask me right away what am I to say?_

_A shy girl with nerves running through and through?_

_Just stepped off the bus left my hometown for this land of magic and mystery_

_Was it a mistake?_

_Big dreams of riches of Fame_

_They say La is the place to make all your dreams reality_

_I can't let myself feel_

_I need to take the plunge_

_Don't look back don't let them see you cry_

_Smile and look em in the eyes_

_Your in La baby where they cut you slice you dice you _

_Will you have what it takes to make your dreams come true?_

_Years have passed still pounding the land of dreams in search of your big break_

_Stripping and teasing anything to get by _

_Looking at the sky wishing on that falling star_

_Getting high to pass the crushing blow of dying dreams_

_So tell me darling is it true?_

_Is La cracked up that they make it out to be?_

_Are you just getting by are you numb can you tell me what you feel?_

_In La the sky is always blue it never rains _

_Do your dreams all come true is it a myth a legend?_

_Do they know how to do it in La or is it a lie wannabe's dreamed up?_

_La La La oh big powerful La_

When she was done she was red and breathing hard but grinning from ear to ear her voice I mean my god she bowed as Andre got up and came to stand next to her.

We all stood applauding whistling as she coughed a few times. Cat ran up to her with a bottle of water.

Taking her seat next to Cat she laid her head down on her shoulder which Cat responded by petting her hair.

Sikowitz split us into groups I felt my heart pound when he called my name in the same group as Cat's than it dropped like a roller coaster.

_Jade_

She looked back at me grinning wickedly I started to sweat.

He called a bunch of other names I didn't really hear all I heard was the pounding of my heart.

Why was she so mad? I dared to glance over at her as my eyes met with Cat's she was blushing and looked away as ours met. I couldn't help it I smiled as I thought about it I had done it I had kissed the girl of my dreams.

I kissed Cat valentine!


	19. Chapter 19

**Freddie's p o v**

_Aw man son how does it feel?_

Res came up and pounded my back grinning like that Cat that swallowed the bird. Swallowing I looked up placing my stuff in my locker.

My eyes scanned the halls no sighting of Jade West..

_Feels frigging amazing son_

He pounded my back again as we headed to the asphalt cafe for lunch.

_So now the question is what do you plan to do next?_

Looking confused at him I pondered what he meant I did my master move.

I kissed the girl of my dreams and it was so damn sweet.

_Aw man your like a little lost puppy dude you probably scared the chiz out of that little kitten so what are you going to do about it?_

_You have to make sure she's officially yours and not officially terrorized _

Swallowing I wondered if he was right it wasn't my attention. I thought it was romantic and sweet didn't every girl want a prince to take charge and sweep her off her feet. Didn't every girl want to be kissed with such passion?

_Whoa look at this place it's huge!_

I did it was packed I mean wall to wall kids were dancing boom boxes were blasting music singing sitting on the brick walls tables some doing reading or assignments, the platform was full of seniors I saw Aussie and Trina my cousin waved Trina was chasing a poor boy from my Tech class. 

I spotted Cat with her friends among them was Tori.

_Do it man go over and talk to her_

Quickly I scanned no Jade my heart stopped jumping but my stomach was still doing somersaults my throat was still tight.

Kissing her was easy but talking to her well that was..well surprisingly hard.

Calm yourself Freddie just breathe walk and smile closing and opening my hands I tried to calm myself but it's hard when someone is as beautiful as Cat.

_Cat _

_No Go away!_

She screamed jumping up I reached for her buts he pulled away eyes wide Tori and Andre hugged her.

_Please I don't mean to scare you I just want to talk to you_

_Go away I don't want your kind of talking_

_Please Cat I.._

Pain shot through me I saw stars floating above me the wind was knocked out of me I heard her scream I had flashes of black hair..the end was a pair of sharp metal blades.


	20. Chapter 20

**Jade's p o v**

Detention were they serious? My first day of school and already I got detention.

_Jade are you hearing me? _

_Is anything what I'm saying sinking in?_

Lane was probing me I glared up at him my foot tapping as he sits across me with his clip board taking notes.

_Answer me Jade I need a reply this is a serious matter what you did is assault and battery_

_With a deadly weapon how did you even get them past the metal decorator?_

I shrug he shakes his head.

_How are things at home?_

_Jade don't do this please don't shut down we made so much progress last year _

_Did something happen during the summer?_

_Jade I'm asking you because I want to help_

_Jade your a beautiful girl with incredible talent but you can't let all these underlining emotions cloud your view it will destroy you._

_There's nothing to talk about Lane I'm perfect_

_No one's perfect Jade no one_

Wrong Cat was perfect.

I stood up grabbing my bags Lane sighed handing me my pass.

_Were not done Jade I expect to see you 6th period every day._

_Uh why!_

_Cause you need it and I'm here to help you it's My job_

Rolling my eyes I grunted attempting to push past him but his hand gripped my shoulder.

_But it's more than my job Jade I care about you I want you to succeed _

Rolling my eyes I looked up to see his were genuine something I wasn't use to.

_I know it's upsetting seeing Freddie kiss Cat_ _I get how much you care about her _

I doubt he could really get it I couldn't even get it I mean my feelings were so jumbled what did it all mean?

_It still doesn't give you permission to attack anybody just because you are upset or mad_

Another roll of my eyes as I finally shoved past him just as he called out to me.

_Jade someday you'll have to break down these walls and be honest_

_Even if it's just with yourself the truth will set you free it gets better Jade_

_There's life behind these four walls but you need to accept it you need to love yourself_

_Before you can expect to love some else and get love in return._

_I know it's hard but it's the most rewarding gift you'll ever reverie _

I looked at him I could only wish.


	21. Chapter 21

**Lane's p o v**

**Never Giving Up**

Uh it's so frustrating Jade is such a beautiful young woman she has such a fire a raw untapped talent she is brimming with potential.

Yet she's dancing with a fire she has so much pain inside the look in her eyes as she turned the knob was haunting it twisted inside my gut hours later.

I took an oath yo always put my kids first I promised myself I wold always be there no matter what time a day or night it was.

I would stop at nothing to protect them.

I've lost so many relationships because of my love and passion for them.

I can't help it though these kids .. my kids their special their talented so many of them have to give u so much to get a chance to chase their dreams.

So many have no one to believe in them support them too many have had bad home lives , too many like Jade carry painful secrets.

I didn't want to push her but I knew what Jade was carrying inside of her. I've sensed it since day one but she has buried herself so deep she's terrified to even think about facing it.

I've counseled so many kids over my twenty plus years who are conflicted questing but even with my professional code every so often there comes a kid who just breaks through your walls and gets inside of your soul.

I can't though as much as I want to Jade needs to see it for herself all I can do is never give up on her and pray she doesn't give up.


	22. Chapter 22

**Jade's p o v**

_Uh who does he think he is?_

I slammed my locker open as I threw my books inside burning up why do people always think they have a frigging right to probe me and question me and try to tell me how I feel?

_Jade what's wrong?_

Beck's voice startled me as he came up behind me his hands slipped around my waist. My anger burned even hotter as I shoved him back.

_Nothings wrong!_

_Stop lying Jade I know something is going on_

_I know you Jade better than you know yourself_

_Jade what happened?_

_How much trouble are you in?_

I groaned feeling his tender touch on my arm which only made me shiver.

_It's none of your business no matter what trouble I am in_

_It's my trouble not yours_

_Were friends Jade _

_Really Beck are we?_

The look in his eyes told me I had wounded him

.

_Jade why would you even say that?_

_Really Beck? Really you have to ask?_

_Yea Jade I do I get it we broke up I was wrong I should of never cheated on you_

_I know you were angry but we talked before I left in June you said you forgave me_

_Were you lying Jade?_

_Jade don't walk away from me talk to me_

_Don't touch me!_

_Than talk to me!_

_I said no just drop it and leave me the hell alone!_

_No Jade I have no clue why your mad at me_

Seriously Beck Seriously? He wouldn't leave me alone following me up the steps calling after me as I shoved past kids screaming and threating.

_JADE STOP!_

Everyone turned to stare at us including our V.P Mr. Dickers groaning as he started to race over I cursed Beck under my breath pushing and running even faster.

Cat looked up at me as I raced into our class seeing Beck chase me she rose I was breathless when I came in beat red feeling flushed.

_Jade please stop running and talk to me_

_I said no can't you get it through your damn head Oliver were not dating you don't own me_

_You can't control me and having to ask just proves you never really knew me_

_If you had loved me at any point Beck you would know why I was upset_

_Ja..._

_Children take your seats the bell has rung!_

_Jadey are you okay baby?_

I grunted sitting with Cat at the two seated table she batted her eyelashes I knew that look she wanted to hug me but she was sensing that was the last thing she should do.

I should of gave her a sign I needed a hug from her so bad but I hated being touched and I had a rep to protect so I kept quite and she took it as a sign. Sighing she gave me one last worried look before sitting down next to me her perfume calmed me and left me wondering which body parts she had sprayed damn how I wanted to explore for myself but that couldn't be.

Maybe a hug would've giving me a chance but I had shot that down just like everything else in my life way to go Jade.

Your winning today!


	23. Chapter 23

**Cat's p o v**

_Cat thank god I ran into you_

_Freddie get away_

_No please Cat let me explain _

_Explain what how you man handled her _

_Jade I'm a girl so it would be woman handled_

_Well Cat your name is Cat so we could say I kitty handled you_

I glared not funny dude. Freddie pushed his hair back as he shifted from foot to foot nervous good he should be.

_Jade!_

We looked up as we saw Jade's brother Payne come running up with their older Step brother Shawn De'Andre who's 17. Jade really doesn't like Shawn at all but her dad is super strict and makes them hang out.

Groaning I saw her roll her eyes as she tried to move over to them kissing the top of my head looking at me to make sure I was okay.

_Cat _

Why wouldn't this kid quit already? I tried moving away but he was quick to grab at me and move in front of me.

_Cat it's just that I really like you ever since I saw you first day of admissions_

Wait we had met before? I racked my brain but two years ago was a long time and I was so nervous back than we met so many people I didn't remember meeting him but I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

_I thought you were the most beautiful girl in the world_

_I vowed to make you mine_

He took my hands I felt his pull strong yet gentle.

_Cat please forgive me_

_I honestly didn't think_

_I went through the last two years moving from one city to another_

_I was rejected bullied beat down told how I would never amount to anything_

_Girls laughed at me called me ugly so I built myself up I promised myself I would never let anyone make me a victim again that I would be stronger._

_I think I let my emotions take control and I lost control I'm sorry I never meant to scare you_

_I just..I want this year to be different I have to make it at this school_

He was speaking from his heart and he was super close to me pressing me against the wall his eyes looking directly in mine.

He was genuine there was hurt in there I knew there was more to his story and suddenly I wanted to get to know him to hear what he had been through.

_I don't want to be a wallflower again _

_I want to be social to have friends a girlfriend _

_More though I want to find that special someone who really gets me and loves me_

_I want to find that special someone_

His fingers traced my lips damn he was saying the sweetest things but I could tell he wasn't just saying them he was meaning them.. my heart melted I could feel my eyes batting.

_I really like you Cat I want to get to know you_

_Will you give me that chance?_

Instead of speaking I moved closer wrapping his arms around me pressing my body close as possible kissing him.


	24. Chapter 24

**Cat's p o v**

_Cat thank god I ran into you_

_Freddie get away_

_No please Cat let me explain _

_Explain what how you man handled her _

_Jade I'm a girl so it would be woman handled_

_Well Cat your name is Cat so we could say I kitty handled you_

I glared not funny dude. Freddie pushed his hair back as he shifted from foot to foot nervous good he should be.

_Jade!_

We looked up as we saw Jade's brother Payne come running up with their older Step brother Shawn De'Andre who's 17. Jade really doesn't like Shawn at all but her dad is super strict and makes them hang out.

Groaning I saw her roll her eyes as she tried to move over to them kissing the top of my head looking at me to make sure I was okay.

_Cat _

Why wouldn't this kid quit already? I tried moving away but he was quick to grab at me and move in front of me.

_Cat it's just that I really like you ever since I saw you first day of admissions_

Wait we had met before? I racked my brain but two years ago was a long time and I was so nervous back than we met so many people I didn't remember meeting him but I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

_I thought you were the most beautiful girl in the world_

_I vowed to make you mine_

He took my hands I felt his pull strong yet gentle.

_Cat please forgive me_

_I honestly didn't think_

_I went through the last two years moving from one city to another_

_I was rejected bullied beat down told how I would never amount to anything_

_Girls laughed at me called me ugly so I built myself up I promised myself I would never let anyone make me a victim again that I would be stronger._

_I think I let my emotions take control and I lost control I'm sorry I never meant to scare you_

_I just..I want this year to be different I have to make it at this school_

He was speaking from his heart and he was super close to me pressing me against the wall his eyes looking directly in mine.

He was genuine there was hurt in there I knew there was more to his story and suddenly I wanted to get to know him to hear what he had been through.

_I don't want to be a wallflower again _

_I want to be social to have friends a girlfriend _

_More though I want to find that special someone who really gets me and loves me_

_I want to find that special someone_

His fingers traced my lips damn he was saying the sweetest things but I could tell he wasn't just saying them he was meaning them.. my heart melted I could feel my eyes batting.

_I really like you Cat I want to get to know you_

_Will you give me that chance?_

Instead of speaking I moved closer wrapping his arms around me pressing my body close as possible kissing him.


	25. Chapter 25

**Jade's p o v**

That image of Cat kissing Freddie burned in my mind burning my face my feet my arms everything burned up nothing helped me not the cold currents washing over me as I swam nothing calmed my racing heart not the five shots of Tequila.

How could she? How could she let that loser touch her like that caress her body kiss those glorious lips.

_Jade we really need to get started on our project_

Uh Vega's whiny voice was most certainly not helping my pounding headache why Sikowitz why would you do this to me?

Sighing despite the fact that I didn't want to I listened to her and got out of her pool I was so jealous we didn't have a pool.

Tori was waiting for me with a towel inside her kitchen where Andre and Robbie already were coughing I sighed joining them grabbing a cup of tea.

_Want to shower and change before we start?_

_Why Andre does this make you uncomfortable?_

Andre could barely look at me as I towel dried myself I saw how his eyes kept looking at my body as I stretched he was blushing and squirming.

_Ew your dripping all over the kitchen_

_Come here Trina and I'll drip all over you_

_Ew get away freak_

Rolling my eyes I grinned as Trina ran away past her mom who came over and gave me another towel.

_Why don't you go upstairs and wash up darling_

I have to admit the shower felt great by the time I was done I was a bit calmer but still my mind was reeling how could she let him do that to her?

Cat was so pure so innocent he was a total dog doing that to someone so sweet.

_Move loser! I have to whazz_

Trina came in pushing me away glaring at her as I pulled my shirt over my body.

_No snappy comment Jadelyn?_

_Don't call me Jadelyn!_

_What's got your scissors all twisted up?_

_Nothing that's any of your business_

_Something has got you worked up you never swim Jade_

_Not true I love to swim_

_Yea right you hate getting all sticky from the chlorine and sweating_

_Uh Why are you here Trina? _

_Cause it's my bathroom and I have to whazz_

_So whazz already and get out_

_Your such a bitch Jade_

_Shut up Trina _

_I'll shut up when you start talking Jade_

_Why do you care?_

Before I could stop her she grabbed my right hand away from my jean pocket and pulled out my scissors.

I leaped trying to grab them as she pushed up my sleeves revealing my scars.

_Cause that's __why your too young to be this depressed Jade_

_You need to talk to someone and no one else seems to be noticing how much your hurting_

_I'm not hurting I'm expressing myself_

_By hurting yourself no one does that _

_I do it's my way and it's worked for years _

_One of these days it's going to kill you_

_Oh god you sound like a frigging psa _

_Well someone has to educate you _

_I don't need education Trina_

_No than maybe you just need to talk_

_Why it won't help_

_How do you know have you ever tried?_

_No there's no one to talk to _

Saying the words out loud did something to me I mean I'm use to being alone no one has ever taking the time to try to get to know what I'm feeling well except Cat but I can't talk to her about this.

_Well I'm not no one I am someone extraordinary_

_Oh please Trina_

_Please take the time to listen?_

_Well I might be ale to if you do something for me_

_Uh I knew there was a condition typical Trina_

_What do you want?_

She sat on the counter swinging her legs looking at me damn when did Trina get so pretty? She was staring at me smiling her long brownish blond hair in her face.

_I want you to promise me that when you feel like your going to cut yourself _

_You'll stop and think and call me first_

_Seriously? Is this for real? _

_Yes Jade it is _

_Why? Why do you care?_

_Cause I know how you feel Jade_

_Yea right Trina you have an amazing life_

_Why do you say that?_

_Easy you have two parents who love and adore you you live in this awesome house on top of Hollywood Hills._

_So my parents have money and I have all the material things so I automatically have a perfect life_

_That's not what I meant Trina_

_Really cause that's how it sounded to me_

_Listen Jade your right_

_I know you'll love that hearing your right _

I twisted my fingers as I swayed trying not to look at her. Why was she doing this? When did Trina start caring what her little sister's friends did?

_The truth is Jade appearances can be deceiving_

_Yea my parents have money but do you know how hard they have to work to get that money?_

_My dad pulls all nighters he works the most dangerous streets in La risking his life against druggies robbers rapists murders all so Tori and I can have everything he thinks we want._

_My mom is constantly at fashion shows getting the latest scoops on all the current trends she is never home to bake us cookies or talk about our day at school hell my parents are so obsessed with money they wouldn't hire a babysitter when we were younger it was always Trina watch your little sister._

_Didn't matter if Trina had plans it was always about what they needed so they could advance mom wants to be the next big fashionista dad wants to be a detective._

_So Tori and I were shoved aside so they could advance their careers so I had Tori I spent all my free time watching her changing her reading to her doing everything for her do you know what it's like to not be allowed to spend time with kids your age because you have to babysit a three year old?_

_By the time tori was old enough to be on her own I was too old to find friends middle school is when everyone forms their cliques and find out where they fit in, well I was babysitting Tori I couldn't find my group cause I had no free time. It wasn't her fault though so I could never hate her in fact I love her she's my little sister she''s sweet she has a heart of gold and she's funny._

_I didn't mind hanging with her even if it meant playing sports or rough housing cause hey she was all I had._

_I was bullied for being different Jade girls thought I was a slut because I dressed like the boys I only dressed that way cause Tori made me play dress up and she thought it was cute that we dress as twins._

_Do you think kids cared? No they labeled me they pushed me into lockers they ridiculed me __I felt ashamed I felt like I could never be anyone important._

_If it wasn't for Tori's movie obsession I would of never even found out what a passion I had for the arts __I use to sit in the theater and dream that I was that girl on the screen saving the world or the girl dancing across the stage singing that one song of glory. _

_L__ook I get it Jade ever since I was a little girl I dreamed of seeing my name in lights of being the one billboard weekly called The next Madonna._

_When I got accepted into Hollywood arts it was my one time to be my own person to have friends who shared my passion. They encouraged me they supported me I found my outlet._

_Well now that Tori is at school I am once again invisible she's always stealing the spotlight __I mean she doesn't mean to she didn't know she was doing it but once again the focus shifted from Trina to Tori._

_No one would understand why I am so self centered because no one ever takes the time to ask they just make mean comments and throw jokes they think are funny they forget I have real feelings that I am a real person._

_So yea Jade I get it people throw chiz at you and expect you to just take it and it's hard if you whine and tell your a tattletale and a snitch we all know what happens to snitches._

_If you take it it slowly eats away at you._

_They punch you and hit you with all their insults and lies and you smile right but every jab every hit makes you bleed a little more inside and the blood has no where to go so it wells up inside and pressures you._

_Till one day you just can't take it any more, so what happens? One day you just snap and you look for any way to get rid of this hurt._

_Truth is Jade there's a better way try opening up you'll never know who may understand._

_You'll never know until you try._

I couldn't believe Trina was telling me this I would of never guessed all this about her, I felt foolish I mean she had bared her soul but I couldn't even say the words thank you. How was I suppose to tell her everything I was feeling? I didn't even know how I was feeling.

_Everyone says they know how I feel the truth is Trina no one can know how I feel_

_Cause I am the only one who knows myself and I don't even know how I feel_

_All I can say is that it's not a phrase for me I know everyone says that being a teen is about_

_Discovering who you are and all that chiz but I think I've known for a long time who I am_

_I'm different _

_Different isn't always bad Jade_

_No but when people tell you from the time your a child that it's wrong it's a sin_

_You start to think maybe their right maybe I am a freak_

_No Jade the only freaks out there are those who condemn someone for being themselves who try to take away someone else creative and try to mold them to some standard placed on us as what is right by society._

_They have no idea Trina what it's like to hate yourself how every word every label cuts you a little more each day till you feel numb and broken._

_No Jade but I do babe and maybe if we talk maybe we can help each other_

_Your not a freak Jade your beautiful your creative and your spontaneous your different but difference is what makes us unique. _

I sighed closing my eyes leaning against the counter Trina took my arm and traced her nails over my scars her touch made me shiver opening my eyes I saw her eyes looking directly at me full of compassion and concern.

There was no pity no fear no judgment just love.

_You can do this Jade I know you can if I can after all the insults you've thrown at me you can do it consider it payback for all the nasty chiz you've said about me._

Blushing I felt myself sink down she was right I was one of those people who judged her joked about her and made her feel worthless.

The realization made me sick, here she was being so nice to me and I had made her life for the last two years hell.

_Fine I do owe you but you have to promise me Trina that you'll never tell anyone what I say_

My breathing was a little too fast I felt dizzy what if I told her and she betrayed me she could easily tell her friends their the most popular girls in school everyone would know know within minutes.

I couldn't deal with that if Cat found out she would hate me she would think I was hitting on her every time we changed together showered or cuddled.

If I didn't tell was she right would I eventually explode? My arms burned all the time they were red and nasty yet I couldn't stop cutting even looking at the ugly red flaming scars did nothing to stop me, it didn't matter that I had to add an extra hour to my makeup routine every morning just to cover them up.

_I promise Jade your secrets safe with me_

_The thing is Trina I broke up with Beck cause I don't love him_

_I don't think I ever did I mean I tried I did everything a girl has to I kissed him devoted myself to him_

_I care for him I thought being with him would allow me to fall in love with him if I threw myself into being the best girlfriend if I made love to him, if I became obsessed with him I would fall in love with him._

_Didn't work did it Jade?_

_No it just made me angry and bitter and more depressed_

_I guess I didn't want to face the truth_

_Which is?_

_That I'm different the truth is I can never love Beck because it's not who I am_

_I tried to fit in with all the other girls I tried to like boys I tried dating and it's not me._

_I'm afraid I never will be like them..._

_I get tried of faking smiles and giggling when all I feel is sadness and pain cause the thing is inside I knew since I was young that I was always going to be on the outside._

_I'm gay Trina and as hard as I tried I can't help it but I've fallen in love with my best friend._

_She'll never love me back though not the way I want her to and it kills me_

_Seeing her kissing him touching him giggling at his jokes it should be me with her she's the one I dream about the one I can't live without and I have to live without her cause she'll never love me back._

_How do you know Jade? Have you ever asked?_

_Trina she's straight believe me I know she's my best friend I would know if she was gay_

_She's yours and did she know your not straight?_

Her question made me ponder did Cat know?

If she did what did she think? Why hasn't she talked to me?

Did she not want to hear the words out loud?

Would she hate me?


	26. Chapter 26

**Attractions**

**Cat's p o v**

_Sam I'm going to bed early school is beating me up can you clean up?_

Sam who was sitting on the counter eating pizza and ice cream out of the containers watching wrestling with Dice gave me an odd look why did I even ask?

Stepping out of my clothes I grabbed my cell phone no new texts sighing I laid down.

What was wrong with Jade? She was barely talking to me.

_Cat I'll clean up tomorrow I'm just as beat as you _

_God you scared me Sam!_

_So who was the dude?_

_Huh?_

She flopped down on the bed next to me grabbing a teen magazine.

_The boy you were getting all lippy with _

_What boy? I have no clue who your talking about_

_Uh don't play dumb Cat Dice spilled the beans_

Stupid boys they can never keep a secret sighing I felt my face blush.

_His names Freddie_

_Uh gross name hate that name_

_Sam!_

I squealed hitting her arm as she laughed grabbing my legs pulling me close grinning as she slapped my butt I squeaked trying to hit her.

_Kidding not really but spill Catrina _

_Momma wants to know_

_He's new to Hollywood Arts he's a tech geek but he is so cute_

_He's really determined he just grabbed me in class and kissed me_

_I didn't even know him I was so pissed_

_So how did you go from wanting to kill him to you know with him_

_Uh Sam I am not hat type of girl!_

_Whatever Cat don't knock it till you try it Sex is so good_

_Ew_

I put my hands over my ears as she grabbed me tickling me I squealed but she wouldn't let up.

By the time she was done I was breathless laughing so hard having to pee so bad.

Laying in bed that night cuddling we talked about how sweet Freddie was she gave me the best advice ever.

After we talked we flipped through the magazine and she made me take some stupid quiz.

_Are you attracted to _

_Long legs_

_Big muscles_

_flat stomach_

Attraction the word struck me as funny but not ha ha funny I mean it really hit me.

What is Attraction? What dose it mean? When I look at people I don't see them as most people do.

To me true beauty isn't defined by who has the flattest stomach the prettiest smile.

Attraction to me is the inner glow the aura I guess you could say I like a person who is truly happy and confident with who they are inside who knows that being a good person is better than having the fanciest car or the biggest houses.

I love people who put others first who want to make the world a better place I mean after all we all live here it should be all our responsibility to keep it sparkling.

I love when I see someone helping an innocent hurt animal to me that's sexy. Animals are defenseless loving unique creatures who deserve our love and compassion and protection.

I love when a boy or a girl holds me when I cry but not just hold me who can cry with me cause my pain is theirs.

Sappy I know but I'm not sorry cause that's just how I am and I won't apologize for it.

I love rainbows and unicorns I love when someone can dream as big as me.

That's why I love Jade so damn much she's unafraid to be who she is I use to question myself all the time ever since I was ten or eleven. I wondered I mean I liked boys I flirted with them I teased them but I always felt so drawn to girls.

I was 12 the first time I kissed a girl her name was Sage we meet at camp she was telling a story about her magical unicorn Eurthia and the adventures they went on.

I was giggling like crazy my hair flying back asking for more stories so she took my hand and we walked through the woods back to our cabin as we passed under the bridge we saw a rainbow we started gasping holding hands and we turned to hug each other and somehow we just kissed.

I didn't see her but I never stopped questioning what it meant. I mean I really enjoyed that kiss, sure I dated boys since than but it's what you do as a teenage girl right?

Yet as much fun as I had with them I never stopped thinking about girls. I enjoyed being close to them having their soft lips covering my delicate skin in kisses their skin being as slickly as ivy on me tasting their cherry chap stick. Running my hands through their curly hair breathing in their scent allowing it to lure me to sleep.

At night I dream of them being next to me my main one my sweetest one it's me and Jade duh laying in a cloud naked holding each other she's my heaven.

Does this make me gay? Am I bi? I don't call myself gay straight bi I call myself Cat cause that's my name. I'm like a rainbow I like many colors I love dancing playing dress up laughing wrestling unicorns I like boys I like girls I love people.

I'm sixteen and I am a junior in high school I have dreams I have goals I laugh I cry I feel I think I am not dumb in fact I am very smart I always score on honor roll.

I'm a normal teen age girl, I want want we all want success happiness I want to be able to be free to live my American dream.

And yes I am a girl who likes girls who's in love with her best friend who is also a girl.


	27. Chapter 27

**Cat's p o v**

_How do I look?_

I giggled as I spun in front of the mirror Sam rolled over groaning pulling my covers over her cuddled up frame.

_You look great great Cat you always do_

I giggled I mean it's true but it's always great to hear it said out loud grabbing my stuff I got ready since Freddie was picking up both Dice and I.

Dice came running up just as Freddie pulled up in his sweet ride. Getting a foot up Dice helped me up as he jumped into the back.

Sliding next to Freddie I took a deep breath phew it was work just to get up into this monster. My eyes feasted on Freddie he looked super hot dressed in Grey skinny jeans and a green and Grey polo his light brown hair was spiked and gelled with light blond highlights.

I saw his eyes checking me out as well as my hips swayed while I got into his monster.

_Good Morning beautiful_

Freddie leaned over and was rewarded with a little kiss Dice hopped into the back whistling as he looked around. I have to admit his ride was sweet.

2013 Renegade with 17 inch off road aluminum wheels with aggressive tires.

Red two hooks skid plates off road fascias black roof and roof rails.

2.4l tiger shark engine with class exclusive nine speed automatic transmission.

His back had huge speakers on both sides which were green and grey 21 inch sub woofers capacitor, the front just as impressive.

A 6 Cd changer, audio processors cables crossover equalizer a DVD player in back, a gps he named Floria who had a Spanish accent and was quite sexy I always giggle when she talks.

_Good Morning Catrina_

His steering wheel had controls on it there was a computer on the dashboard that pulled out into a laptop.

Fusses and switches and a boom box I whistled he grinned leaning over to kiss my check.

How did he afford this? Chiz I've been working since I was 15 and I can never dream about owning this even with two jobs right now the best I can afford is under 5,000, this had to be at least 8,000.

Driving to school I felt special sitting next to him.

_So Cat _

_Yes baby?_

_Oh I like it when you call me baby _

_Oh really baby?_

I smacked my lips spreading out the baby which I knew he would find sexy. Dice's voice caused me to jump out of fear. I had totally forgotten he was there.

_Oh gross get a room_

Whistling I grinned as he leaned over and kissed my check I felt my face flushing with color. Feeling his hands squeeze my inner legs as he ran his fingers up and down slowly.

Thankfully we arrived at school which of course he had to cruise around till we found a spot.

Dice wasted no time jumping out running off to find his friends.

_My lady allow me thy honor of escorting the most beautiful girl in the world to our higher education of learning._

I giggled as he took my arm into his walking in I felt everyone's eyes on me for once it felt great. Hearing girls whisper giggling giving me a wink.

Walking closer to Freddie I linked arms.

_So what's your plan to decorate your locker?_

_I don't know I heard it's suppose to be a reflection of yourself_

_Yea everyone puts a lot of thought into it Tori has make it shine on hers Andre has a keyboard_

_Sinjin has.._

Groaning as I thought of it I felt like I could vomit.

_Chewed up food_

_Oh ew good god Cat_

_I know I know_

We arrived at his locker where he made quick work of exchanging his books leaving plenty of room to pull me close kissing him.

_What's yours baby?_

_Mine is simple painted red with pink roses_

_Simple but __sweet elegant__ like you _

_Aw_

I rewarded him with a series of sweet little kisses which he pulled me closer I could feel him pressed against me.

_I'm thinking speakers which play music or spoken poems _

_When opened_

_Awesome who do you plan to get to record the songs?_

_Duh only the most prettiest talented girl in school_

_Oh Tori or Jade_

_No way baby I said prettiest you cupcake_

Freddie kissed my nose and I couldn't help but giggle and bat my eyelashes.

Leaning my head on his chest I heard Marissa Daniels and her pose coming up I felt Freddie's fingers running through my hair.

_Oh my god you two are so cute!_

Walking into class I watched as people reacted to us.

_Who's Cat dating?_

_Is he new?_

_Oh he's cute_

_Whys he with her?_

_What's his name?_

I giggled as Tori ran up squealing I hugged her back tightly kissing her check. She grabbed my hands Freddie nodded towards me as he went to hang with his curly haired friend.


	28. Chapter 28

**Freddie's p o v**

Kids were running inside even as the last bell rang and the doors closed automatically.

Cat and her friend Tori were talking and giggling as Res and I high fived and took our seats just as Mr. Sikowitz came inside closing the door.

Cat smiled towards me as she sat by her friends damn she's so pretty.

Slam!

WE all jumped as Mr. Sikowitz slammed down a walking stick which looked straight out of the Amazon.

_First rule if your early congrats your on time_

_If your on time your late_

_If your late your_

_QUITE!_

Instantly everyone settled down as he spoke again.

_Your dead!_

Standing in the center of the stage pacing around looking at the full classroom of about 25 kids who sat stiff all ears as he contained with his speech slapping a ruler against his palms.

Most kids chuckled thinking he was just playing I mean the dude ziplined in yesterday throwing tropical fruit how serious could he be.

_Quite!_

He slammed the ruler against the desk Cat yelped clinging onto Tori I wanted to throw my arms around her and protect her but fear kept me glued.

_You think I'm joking but I'm not!_

_This is not a game children this is reality_

_I have one question for all of the freshman_

_Freshman what are you?_

Most stared at him confused muttering and shrugging.

_Your nothing that's who_

_Your aspirations Your dreams your imaginations_

_What are your dreams?_

No one spoke he jumped down stopped in front of a shrugger.

_What is your name actress?_

She stared at him confused afraid I mean who was this dude? What drugs was he on? Was he Jekyll or was he Hyde?

She tried to speak but no sound came out she shrugged looking down. She was quite cute strawberry blond hair crinkled to her mid back ivy almost rosy complexion dressed in baggy blue jeans with a tank top saying make love smoke weed peace.

The tank was green and yellow which she had a blue jean vest over a blue beanie matching her blue eyes.

_I'll tell you who you are_

He pointed that damn ruler at her she flushed.

_Brittney Sophia your birth date is October 15__th__ 1997 _

_Your crazy about horses fishing but your passion is tapping yet you can't stop the_

_Acting_

_Your biggest dream is to own a dance studio in the country side_

She gasped as he spun and jumped across the room with rocket speed landing in front of a dude that looked like he could be the star of the football team wearing tight red jeans and a blue tank with a black and pink baseball cap turned around to the back.

_Zach Daniels birth date December 10 th 1998 _

_Mommy is a lawyer for celebrity clients Daddy is a Hollywood producer_

_Been staring in all the west end plays since you were ten years old_

_You've never played any sports but you've made it your mission to beef up_

_You want to play the roles that will get you famous you want the cutest girls_

_So you've built up a character by becoming someone who you are not_

_Next victim_

_Khloe Janelle June 26__th__ 1997_

_Straight out of Compton __your parents want you to be the next Mozart_

Khloe interrupted

_My parents won't let me show it but I know it I am a poet_

_Soon the word will know it_

_Straight off da streets ya can't stop ma beats _

Mr. Sikowitz stood in front of her arms crossed staring at her in her eyes. His stare could make the dessert piss a river.

_Tell me miss poet can you spell out correctly all those words you just laid down?_

_Can you give voice to the pronunciation of each syllable?_

She stared at Mr. Sikowitz ready to argue but he was already on stage.

_Freshman or shall we say fresh meat meet your teachers_

_No I am not talking about myself or Mr. Anthony I mean your real teachers_

He pointed around the room.

_Your classmates cause you may think you are the best_

_Meet the rest the sophomores the juniors the seniors_

_They've been here fo years the will put you to the test_

_Speaking of tests this school may be cooler than most but Hollywood Arts_

_Is still a school and like any school we have demands that you must meet to graduate_

_In addition to your preforming arts classes you will have to maintain a A or B plus_

_There is no exceptions it doesn't matter to us if your sick singed by an agent tomorrow_

_If you can't handle what is expected of you say goodbye_

_You will be expected to work long hours attend practices after school on weekends we will 2 to 3 hours of homework every night both academic and performance._

_This may seem like a lot but welcome to reality_

_Cause in the professional world there are no excuses_

_directors don't care if your 15 and have 3 hours of homework_

_You are a hired actor or actress you are there to do a job that may require hours on set_

_That's Hollywood baby you need to do the school work_

_This is show business no one will help you they will try to tear you down_

_Welcome to Show business empathize on business _

_If you don't want to take it seriously say goodbye don't waste our time or yours_

_You got big dreams _

_Are you prepared to pay the price?_

_Right now is where we start in blood sweat tears _

_Warm up Cat Freddie Khloe And Zach_

He had us stretching making weird faces move around like different animals.

By the time I was done I was sweating panting almost falling over. Cat was laughing and clapping she was so happy but as sweaty as me.

Leaning over I gave her a big kiss feeling jade's eyes in my back.


	29. Chapter 29

**Tori's p o v**

_Tori lease take out the garbage!_

_Oh mom no ew why do I always get the stinky jobs?_

_Cause I'm the pretty one and the pretty ones need to reserve their beauty_

_Oh Trina shut up_

_Mom are you going to let her talk to me that way?_

_What honey? Huh I didn't hear you_

_Uh you never hear me_

_Not true sweetie I always listen to you_

Yuck why me? I hate taking the trash out it's heavy stinky and gross yet I always end up with these jobs trash duty bathroom cleaning Trina never got the dirty jobs.

_Hurry sweetie dinner is almost ready I need the table set_

_Why can't Trina do it?_

_Cause I'm the pretty one and I just did my nails_

_I can't go to school with chipped nails or smeared polish duh_

_Uh!_

I was already sweating by the time I pushed open the huge heavy French door grunting as I huffed stumbling down the winding sidewalk damn it had to be one of the hottest days of the year as well. Even at 6 at night and the sun was still brightly shining bringing the temperature up to a scorching 98.

Finally after heaving and hauling the stupid smelly garbage bag into the high ass bin I was able to drag my sweaty self back inside and wash up.

Grunting as I passed Trina who was leaning back in her chair with her feet up examining her nails I grabbed the wash cloth and wiped the table down.

_Move_

Trina grunted but didn't move.

_Come on Trina I am not playing I'm tired hot sweaty I have a chiz load of homework to do _

_Aw poor wittle Tori if you can't handle it I can suggest something to help you_

Trina's pout changed to a full wide grin.

_Drop out loser after all not everyone can handle being with all these brilliant stars_

_Only some of us can handle greatness when it calls_

_Uh Trina stop it I am not quitting but I am hungry I want to eat_

_So eat out of the dumpster like the hungry little weasel you are_

_Trina be nice_

_Oh sure now you hear me Mom_

I stuck out my tongue at her as she tried to smack me.

_Girls be have your dad maybe away but you are still expected to maintain the behavior we raised you both to present._

_Yes mother_

_Don't just yes mother me to death live it breathe it believe it be it_

Trina and I both groaned but we shared a little smile as we did so.

_Gary will be here soon and I expect you both to show him the same courtesy you show your father _

_Gary's coming over mom?_

_Yes darling it is Tuesday isn't it don't we have Gary and his family over every Tuesday?_

_Yea mom but Tori and I figured with dad out of town we wouldn't be having it_

_Well you both thought wrong_

_Oh man I promised Becca I would go over to her house to work on a project_

_Well call Becca up Trina cause neither of you are leaving the house_

Mom's eyes seemed to light up as she talked about him was it just me was I seeing things my mind conjured up or was it true? I looked at Trina she seemed to be giving mom a strange look as well.

_Gary is a very sweet man who has had a hard life his wife died when his kids were only three years old _

_Her murder has haunted him for years and he has never forgiven himself he's had to struggle for the last 12 years to raise two kids on his own._

_Your dad and him depend on each to save each other's lives the least you can do is show him some respect._

_Laugh a little when he cracks a joke he's a very funny guy and he's wise_

Trina's look told me all I needed to know Seriously mom he was not that funny. In fact he was creepy to me every time I saw him he seemed to eye me up and he was always saying creepy things like.

_Your mom is sure one sweet lady_

_or_

_Wow your mom is just the ice to cool off my hot beef_

_Say hello to your mom for me she is such a nice lady_

What did my mom see in him? Was she really that naive that she didn't see that he had the hots for her? She was a married woman. She should be a little more careful.

_Tori Trina do I have your word that you will behave like proper young ladies?_

_Yes mother can I go to Becca's than_

_No Trina it's a school night tomorrow you can go after school Tori can have a friend take her home_

_Yes even better thanks mom have fun finding some fool willing to bring a stray home_

_Trina_

_What mom seriously I swear the only time you hear me is when I'm insulting your precious Tori_

_Not true dear not true_

_So is_

_No it's not_

_Yes it is_

Ding dong the door bell chimed as mom and Trina were in a war of words so of course I sighed getting up and going over to the door to answer it.

Gary stood a full 6'5 he probably weighed at least 140 lbs. He's graying a little and has dimples when he winks, smiles.

_Hello young lady how are you this fine evening?_

Uh gross really I moved aside so he could pass damn I was sweating and felt sticky my head was stuffy

Dinner was good but the whole time I was watching mom bat her eyelashes every time she thought something he said was funny.

He would touch her arm and blush like ...like Freddie when Cat battered her eyelashes and smacked her lips ewe gross they were adults she was married he was a police officer he knows the law.

They couldn't could they?

Please god no my dad would be devastated

Sleep would not come to me all I could do was picture my mom and Gary having some sort of an affair god how awful would that be?

Sweat was dripping down my whole body as I tossed and turned what should I do? Was Trina fearing this as well? So many questions ran through my mind.

_Would she be willing to talk?_

_Maybe I should ask her but when? _

_She was always cranky on the way to school and it was so rushed maybe after.._

_Wait I can't she's going with Becca _

Chiz that was another problem who was I suppose to get a ride from? Jade hates me, Andre's car was broken Robbie has a bike Beck had some audition tomorrow.

Auditions uh I needed to start looking for some I needed money and I needed exposer I had been so lazy this summer.

Cat didn't drive she got driven by.

Freddie maybe he would help me out but I barely knew the boy and that maybe a little strange asking my best friends boyfriend for a lift Cat may not like it.

Uh why was my life so complicated?


	30. Chapter 30

**Tori's p o v**

_Thanks for coming over to help Andre_

_Yea no prob babe_

_What time is everyone coming?_

_Freddie and Res should be here shortly Cat had an audition after school so Jade will bring her_

Ding Dong

_Get it Tori!_

Groaning as Trina yelled down I saw Andre roll his eyes of course I would get it I always get it laughing at his expression I made my way over to the door swinging it open to see Robbie with Rex.

_Howdy Chichi _

_Huh?_

_Oh never mind Robbie_

_What I don't get a wassup sexy?_

Rex always manages to creep me up I looked away as he held out his arms than got pissed and crossed his arms muttering about rude American girls.

_Hola Andre_

_Hey Robbie how was the audition?_

_Awesome I think I nailed it_

_Uh I still have to go to an audition_

_What are you waiting for Tori man were four weeks into school already_

_I know I know but I'm so busy with work and things at home_

_What's going on girl?_

Should I tell them? Shouldn't I? I mean Andre I know I can trust but Robbie? What if I was being paranoid? I didn't want people thinking ill of my parents.

_Tori?_

_It's just that.._

_I love everyone!_

I barely had time to turn around before a flying red headed torpedo was in my arms tackling me her giggles were so infectious I felt my mouth twitching into a smile.

_Do you love me Tori?_

_Aw Cat of course I love you why would you ask a silly question like that?_

_Cause some mean girl at our audition told me I was like a hyper dolphin _

_I told her she was mean and than she told me to go dive off a cliff_

_So I figure I must be annoying people don't like annoying people_

_No Cat your not annoying and I love you very much_

_Yay!_

She giggled as Jade grunted rolling her eyes.

_Jade won't tell me she loves me_

_Andre do you love me?_

_Of course I do lil red _

Suddenly he broke into a chorus playing the keyboard.

_River deep and mountain high _

Cat clapped spinning around dancing pulling me up with her we started dancing and singing with Andre Jade groaned and flung herself onto the couch.

By the time dad yelled dinner from the grill Freddie and Res had arrived we quickly ate and went to work afterwards.

_So what is the project? I fell asleep while Sikowitz was talking_

_Well Res the project is that we have to tell a story of a journey_

_What kind of Journey Andre?_

_That's up for us to decide but we have to tell the back story of how life can twist things up make you hear or see things differently._

_Okay well we should first decide on names for our characters Cat you first_

_Well my name is going to be Cat _

_Cat your suppose to be someone different_

_I am cause my Cat has brown hair and she's Amish but she's on rumspringa she's going to LA _

_Oh I like it Cat Tori and Robbie could be your friend going with you and Jade Beck and I could be some kids you meet in La who befriend you._

_Yes Andre awesome idea but maybe some of them mean harm _

_Cough Jade_

_Shut your mouth Harris but I'll take it_

_Beck should be a college kid_

_Oh a college man I'm down boy fro sure_

_Cat I like the idea of Jade's character leading you to a party _

_You think she's giving you ice tea but she's getting you drunk _

_Things start to spiral out of control fast when you start to play a game of whisper down the alley_

_Jade what's your name?_

_Abaddon_

_Oh the devil sweet West sweet_

_Thanks Andre_

_Let's start writing the scene's_

_Will rehearse as we finish each scene Sikowitz wants it to be at least 60 minutes_

_The first Part has to be done by next Friday_

For the next six hours we worked and worked on Dialogue and scene planning by the time we were starting to nod off it was after 12 so we called it a night.

_Cat you want to sleep over tonight?_

_Yay Jadey I love to_

_Don't call me Jadey don't hug me!_

_Sorry not sorry but I am so happy I love you_

_Uh let's go settle down or you'll sleeping with the dog_

_Woof I love doggies_

_Buh bye everyone I love you all!_

_Bye baby_

Cat ran over and threw her arms around Freddie who spun her and laughed as he sat her down bending her over to give her a gentle kiss.

_Aw man getting up in four hours will be brutal_

Beck stretched out yawing as he and Robbie helped Andre get his keyboard and note pads.

_Want a ride dudes?_

_Sure thanks man_

_Yea no prob anybody want to stay over?_

_No my mom will be mad_

_No she won't loser she' wants you out your the wimp that needs mommy to hug and kiss you goodnight_

_I do not Rex_

_Do to be a man Robbie oh wait you can't be cause your a pussy_

Shaking my head as my friends all left I yawned looking around aw man this was going to take forever there were chip bags all over pizza boxes donut holes Soda cans water bottles cheezits crumbled up note paper.

_Want help?_

_Oh god you almost gave me a heart attack_

_Sorry Tori_

Freddie grinned sheepishly rubbing his head as I tried to regain my control of my heart rate and breathing.

_It's okay and yea if you don't mind I would love help _

_Cool _

_Are you sure it's okay with your mom?_

_Yea I think she'd be more comfortable with me staying here than driving at night_

_Your welcome to stay here tonight_

_Thanks my mom is kind of freaky_

Freddie and I came up with a cleaning plan and went to work in thirty minutes we had it all done and were laying back exhausted by the fireplace sipping hot coco as he almost died from the sheer excellence of the Belgium coco.

Laying there with my head against the couch I stared into the fireplace Freddie was stretched out his legs spawned all over my eyes couldn't help but take him in he was about 5'7 with a built frame I could tell he worked out hard.

Stop it Tori take your eyes off him!

He's dating Cat!

Sighing I turned away trying to block out his eyes which were big and round like brown orbs like a puppy dogs.

The flames danced and teased me so many romantic movies were set in scenes like these closing my eyes I couldn't help but wonder when I would find that special someone?

Someone who would cuddle me and kiss me under the dancing flames who would whisper words of love to me giggle with me.

I wondered how many times my dad and mom laid together like this. Oh god please no she wouldn't she couldn't with him..

I coughed feeling my stomach lurch Freddie shot up concerned rubbing my back.

_Tori is everything okay?_

I was shaking as I turned to him and shock my head.

I should of pushed him away I should of kept silent but it was hurting so bad I was so scared I had to tell someone.

The words spilled out before I could stopthem.

_I think my mom is sleeping with someone else_

Freddie almost chocked as I said those words. Reaching out he wrapped his arms around me.

_I can't tell you I know how you feel cause only you know that and only you can feel as you feel_

_I can tell you I know what it's like to worry about a parent_

Turning to look at him I ran my hand over his face. Boys didn't talk easy about their feelings but Freddie seemed open and honest.

_My mom is a single mother and for years I have tried to get her to date_

_I hate seeing her so lonely but she's super protective of me and she spends so much time worrying about me that she's given up her personal life and it sucks I don't want to be the reason my mom doesn't find happiness._

_My mom has happiness my dad treats her like a queen she doesn't have to work he makes enough for both of them but she choices to work she loves her job she has great friends._

_My dad will give her the world he waits on her buys her whatever she wants they go on the best vacations he spends all his free time with us and yet she's still unhappy._

_Is that a fact or something you think?_

_The mind can play tricks Tori and your stress out with school and auditions_

_Uh auditions I haven't done anything yet_

_What's stopping you?_

_Me I have just been so lazy_

_Maybe it's your guilt playing tricks on you so your mind is conjuring up something to take the guilt off by projecting it on to someone else._

_I never thought of that_

_Maybe you should just start working on the audition I'll help you and will see how you feel in a week I bet you'll feel better and all these suspicions will go away._

_I hope so_

I yawned as I stretched out pushing myself away blushing he's Cat's boyfriend Tori he doesn't belong holding you.

Yet I wanted him to so bad it hurt.

Did that make me a horrible person.


	31. Chapter 31

**Cat's p o v**

Slow and Steady Cat read the script study it deep breath I tried to let it out slowly and ease back into this whole breathing thing as I paced around the living room and read the script again.

**I.D**

**Written by**

**Levi Maxwell and Holly Marks**

**Pages: 2+ **

**Characters: 2 teen girls and An older man**

**Darcy 16 or 17**

**Lucy 17, but looks 21 **

**Joseph 29**

**Synopsis: Lucy asks a stranger **

**to buy beer for her outside a **

**convenient store.**

**EXT. CONVENIENT STORE - NIGHT**

Lucy and Darcy are standing outside of a convenient store. Lucy looks

around cautiously like she has something to hide. Joseph is

getting ready to go inside the store when Lucy stops him.

Lucy

_Excuse me? You think you could do _

_me a favor?_

Darcy looks puzzled and nerves looking anywhere except the stranger.

Joseph

_I don't have any money, sorry._

Lucy

_No I don't need money sir I was just wondering if you could possibly do my friend and I a favor_

_See it's my friend's 16th birthday and her parents don't have money to throw her a party_

Lucy looks at Darcy who is shyly looking down until Lucy nudge her side hard she squeaks a little but is pulled closer to Lucy seeing her friends cold hard eyes staring at her she feels pressured into going along.

_Yea my daddy works long hard hours down in the cold minds sir and momma she's not real well off on healthy plus I have three younger brothers who all need food and clothes._

_So momma doesn't think my birthday is a reason to waste our precious money_

Darcy flashes a little leg starting to gain confidence as Lucy starts to trace her long fingernails over Joseph's chest he appears uneasy but after looking around and seeing no one is around he grins and runs his hand over Lucy's arm.

Joseph

_Well aren't you a little young to be buying beer?_

Lucy

_Ya know what they say baby ya only as young as ya feel and I feel real wild right now_

_I just want to let loose a little if ya know what I mean_

Lucy winks at him as he checks her body out she lets him get a full view as Darcy slaps Lucy's butt.

Joseph

_Well I might consider doing this but not without something in return I mean this is the south and all and we do believe in good hospitality but I ain't no sucker. The law is the law and if I get busted buying beer for underage teen girls I can be doing some real hard time._

Darcy

_Well Mr...I am so sorry I didn't catch your name_

Joseph tips his cowboy hat as he checks out Darcy's tiny body slicking his lips gently taking his Darcy's hand in his.

Joseph

_That's cause I didn't throw it but it's Joseph and your name pretty little thing is?_

Darcy giggles as she covers her mouth blushing.

Darcy

_I'm Darcy and this is my friend Lucy_

Joseph

_Well if I'm going to do this I need to know I will be paid for my services _

Darcy

_Oh we have money sir Lucy is going to buy it for me but were too young to buy it ourselves_

Joseph nods as he once again checks them out.

Joseph

_Yes I can see this but I will buy you some no money needed you can pay me in other ways_

Lucy

_Sir whatever you want we will gladly give it to you I just want Darcy to have fun _

Joseph

_Oh trust me it will be a rocking night we will all remember_

_What kind of beer would you like?_

Both girls shrug having no clue what is out there.

Lucy

_What ever you can get sir will be fine we don't need nothing fancy_

Joseph suddenly lets out a big laugh grabbing Lucy pulling her to his manhood she squeaks and tries to push him away but he's on her and kisses her deeply.

Joseph

_You are naïve darling but let me school you two if ya going to do this do it smartly don't go in there looking lost buying the cheapest shit their smell a con a mile away._

Joseph pointing to a truck.

Joseph

_See that vehicle?_

Both girls nod nervously

_Go to it sit inside and wait patiently I will get you what you ask and we will go back to my place and share it._

End Scene

Wow these two girls are dumb deep breath Cat how was I suppose to play dumb? Being dumb isn't as easy as it looks in the movies.

_Ready Cat?_

I jump hearing Jade's voice calling to me she's sitting on the bed reading the script were both auditioning for this movie tomorrow after school.

Getting up she came over and took a deep breath she was going to read Lucy and I was going to do Darcy.

For the next four hours Jade and I worked on memorizing the script remembering what actions we were suppose to do.

We researched the director and writer for the movie and got to know what they looked for in an actor who they've worked with before. We looked into the characters we were auditioning for and got to know how they think and acted.

By the time Sam and Shay came home we were exhausted laying on the couch panting sharing a water bottle too tired to eat.

_Put your glasses on shay_

_No!_

_Uh Do as I say Shay Puckett_

_No!_

_Shay you have to wear the glasses _

_No I don't and you can't make me!_

_I can and I will do it!_

_No I want contacts!_

_Your too young_

Shay threw the glasses down and kicked the couch Jade groaned as Shay ran away from Sam and went to his room.

_Stop acting like a brat_

_I want the ps4!_

_You can't have it_

_Than I won't wear my glasses_

_Yes you will_

_You can't make me_

I had never seen Shay this upset before he was red and tears falling down his face his fists clenched. Sam looked very stressed out her face was white and her patience was running out.

_Shay __Desai __Puckett calm your ass down now clean yourself up pick up those glasses and get to bed_

_No dinner!_

_I hate you I want daddy!_

_Well daddy didn't want you so get over it_

Shay's face stopped frozen his little hazel eyes went wide as his lips quivered Sam cursed under her breath her face racked with guilt.

_I don't believe you you drove daddy away your a mean horrible person!_

_I hate you!_

Shay ran into his room crying as Sam threw down her bags groaning putting her face in her hands Jade and I stared looking at each other than Sam.

Slowly I got u my whole body ached but I went over to Sam and put my hand on her back rubbing in small circles.

_Sam what happened?_

_Oh I'm so stressed out Cat _

_I can see why is shay so upset?_

_Cause he failed his eye exam and needs glasses and he's afraid the kids will make fun of him and I wasn't very sensitive wow shocker._

_He thinks I was making fun of him and he wanted the new Ps4 which is like $500 and I don't have the money I barely could afford the exam and glasses that was close to $1000 were so tight with money this month rent's due next Friday the electric bill is due tomorrow that's 690 and we still have to go shopping for food._

_We barely made 1,300 this month I was up at 6 am getting Shay up and dressed for kindergarten than I had to pick up the triplets and babysit them to Mr. Brown got off at one._

_Pick up Shay and take him to his appointment it's been non stop all day I am so tired._

_Why isn't the father helping out?_

Jade asked Sam grunted turning to her please don't say anything sarcastic please Jade is so calm don't ruin it.

_Cause he's a nerd bag a loser a dead beat he ran away with his tail between his lap._

_Shay get dressed for bed!_

_No! Go away!_

Sam groaned getting up to go to him shaking my head I went to Jade and extended my hand.

_Want to sleep over babe?_

_Yes for sure_

She stretched yawing as I pulled her up of course she went limp and I almost fell on her squealing as she slapped my butt.

Throwing her head back she let out a rich deep throaty laugh which only made me smile as she got up some what by the time Jade and I had showered and gotten dressed Sam had fallen asleep on top of her bed she hadn't even bothered to change she just flopped down on top shoes on jeans on.

While Jade was relieving herself I went over and changed Sam into her pj bottoms and t-shirt moving her under the covers and covering her she rolled over moaning but didn't wake.

As I turned I saw Jade staring at me quickly she averted her eyes but I know what I saw what I didn't know was why?

Laying in Jade's arms I felt myself relax wearing only her black boxers shorts and a lacy black bra I could feel her ribs and her flat stomach damn she was so tight. 

Slipping out of my outfit since I always slept naked I settled myself close as possible to Jade not hard since my bed was so small.

Jade's eyes closed I hope she didn't mind me sleeping this close she didn't say anything so I took it as a chance to press my body against hers she moaned.

I froze was she about to say something?


	32. Chapter 32

**Cat's p o v**

Weeks passed by so fast I couldn't believe it was already the end of October the air was crisper cooler but being California it was always warm enough to wear shorts and short sleeve shirts.

Freddie of course had a natural appreciation for the fact he got to see me in short shorts and tight tanks. School was so busy I barely had time to see him even with having the same classes when we were together we were surrounded by so many classmates and teachers.

Every night we were at school late working on projects rehearsing for the winter musical and various shows, preparing for exams.

When we weren't at school we were at dance classes vocal classes acting classes outside the school at private studio's we were at auditions or at Tori's house working on assignments.

We were constantly surrounded by friends and classmates so finding time to be alone was hard but Freddie was so sweet every morning he brought me roses and greeted me with a kiss.

He wrote me love notes and made daily videos for me expressing his love for me.

My frustration of not being able to spend alone time with him was growing though.

_Cat aren't you going to eat your lunch?_

_Na I'm not hungry _

_Want to trade I have a yummy tuna sandwich _

_Uh not feeling tuna today thanks anyway Tori_

_Hey Vega I know what you can do with that tuna sandwich_

_I don't think I want to know Jade_

_Too bad cause I'm gonna tell ya anyway_

_Choke on it_

_Your such a charming young lady Jade_

_I know thanks_

_It wasn't a compliment_

_Too bad cause I took it as one_

_You would freak_

_So what's wrong Cat?_

_Talk to us were your friends_

_Well I'm not in fact I think you are annoying and dumb_

_What's that suppose to mean! _

_Why are you so mean to me Rex?_

My eyes filled with tears and I ran out crying hearing my friends concerned voices. Barely making it into the bathroom before the tears fully consumed me.

_Cat what's wrong?_

Tori's voice startled me as she came inside behind me wrapping her arms around my shoulders I fell into her chest crying_._

_Shh Shh it's okay sweetie talk to me_

_Why are you crying?_

_Cause I'm going to lose him!_

_What? Lose who?_

_Freddie_

_Cat why would you say that?_

_Cause he's going to find someone else who has time for him!_

_I haven't had any alone time_

_Aw baby shh there's got to be away to fix this _

_How? I am so busy with school than I have to run home to help babysit _

_Will find a way okay I promise you_

_Thank you Tori your a great friend_

_Your welcome sweetie_

_Now can you come back and eat some lunch please?_

_Sure I love food_

The next few days passed by slow and painful by the time I was crawling home most nights it was ten and Sam was still babysitting the last few clients.

I would take over for her so she could get Shay to bed shower and eat. Usually I would make them watch a movie while I worked on homework.

Once I handed the kids back to their parents I would be up for another two hours doing homework working on projects.

My eyes hurt my head hurt and I was exhausted by the time I crawled into bed.

Three hours of tossing and turning my head was stuffy and my legs felt like they could barely keep up trying to shake out the tension in my stiff neck as we waited in the hot sticky sun I felt myself let out a sigh.

_Sweetheart what's wrong?_

_Sorry Jade just tired _

_Yea I know the feeling_

_You want a massage?_

_YEEEESSS that would be amazing thank you_

Jade's hands felt amazing as her delicate fingers dug deep into my skin like a cool summer breeze on a hot beach a splash of cool water the moan escaped before I could stop it a few people looked at us but even when my face colored she never stopped.

The waiting room was packed with girls our age all ready for their chance to audition all wanting to make their dreams come true.

We waited for hours rehearsing with each other through out the whole afternoon sleep started to take over as evening came creeping. Jade let me lay my head down in her lap as she laid hers back.

The Assistants voice scared us both but quickly we jumped up there were only a handful of kids left now four girls all as tired as us.

Jade was up first she kissed my check as I squeezed her hand wishing her luck.

It seemed to be forever before she came out looking flushed but she was emotionless I had no clue how she felt she did and no time to ask before I had to go inside.

Nerves almost over took me but once I was in I remembered all the tricks and I just let it go.

The main problem with auditions is you never know how you did they never give you a clue.

Jade treated me to pizza and salad and drove me home exhausted I collapsed on the couch by 5 year old Kania who giggled bringing a marker to my face I giggled faking horror.

Ding Dong!

Groans escaped I so wanted to call Sam but that would have been selfish so instead I got up and answered the door.

I couldn't believe my eyes Tori was standing there holding a dozen white pink roses with a note.

_Follow thy note ma Lady_

I gave her a look as she brought in the flowers while I took the note my eyes watered reading it.

_There is beauty unseen by eyes blinded by perfection_

_For beauty is more than what is on the outside_

_For isn't it the inside which makes the world a more beautiful site_

_There is a peace that isn't found in distance or time apart_

_It's the longing I feel inside my heart _

_When my arms are empty missing the warmth of two becoming one_

_Come to me my love follow the signs let us be untied as one once again_

_Awwwww he's so sweet_

_Why thank you_

_Ah!_

I screamed and flew into his arms his hearty laugh filled the room as I kissed him deeply.

_I see I have pleased ma lady?_

_Yes yes yes!_

_Great if this sappy poem makes you happy wait till you see what I have planned._

_Ready?_

_Yes_

_Wait I can't the kids I have to_

_I have this covered Cat go_

_Oh thank you Tori thank you!_

Freddie took my hand and lead me down the sidewalk pulling me close to him I could smell his body spray.

_Where are we going?_

_That's my secret and you'll soon find ut_

_Aw no please tell me now_

_No baby patience_

_I don't have any I want to know now!_

_Nope not yet sweetie_

The whole way to where ever we were goingI was dying of curiosity but I had no idea where he was driving to. The area didn't seem recognizable but where ever we were going it was sure taking awhile.

_Freddie where are we going?_

_Nope you will have to wait and see_

_How much longer babe? I really have to pee_

His laughter and smile made me blush but not embarrassed just cuteness giggling I leaned closer to him.

Blind folded he lead me inside I had no idea where we were but it was late at night and chilly even though I was sweating.

_Cat I can't follow you now but Trina is here and she will help you from here_

_Wait why? Where are you going? Why can't you follow?_

_Cause you have to change for this part_

_Change into what?_

_Freddie don't leave me_

_Shh only for a few minutes baby_

I felt him squeeze my hand kissing my check. Gently he handed me over to Trina who pulled me roughly.

_Come on I don't have all day damn stupid teenagers and your love issues_

_Trina your still a teen to_

_Yea but I'm a mature teen and I don't have stupid love issues_

_So if you hate us so much why are you helping us?_

_Well it's not by choice duh _

_So someone is making you?_

_Yes and her name is my ex sister soon to be dead meat Tori Vega_

_How is Tori making you? Your older your suppose to be calling the Shots_

_I am older and I am suppose to be but Tori caught me sneaking into the house drunk last week_

_So now she's blackmailing me._

_Uh my dad will flip if he knew I was drinking underage and getting in the car with someone drunk_

_That wasn't very bright Trina_

_I know I know Cat_

_Just stand still let me undress you and help you in_

_I still don't understand why I have to change_

_Cause it's part of the dorks surprise_

_He's not a dork_

_Yes he is Cat_

_Why are you so mean?_

_Lift your foot Cat_

_I have to pee_

_Okay lift your foot _

I did as she said feeling my skirt sliding off than she lifted my arms and my shirt came off.

Finally she lead me to the bathroom once I was done she slipped me into something else the suit was thick and hard to get on but once it was on it was skin tight.

I could barely breath but she lead me to where ever he wanted me to.

Freddie took my hand and instructed me where to walk when gasping as my feet hit water but I heard him whisper he would hold me.

His arm wrapped around my waist as we slide into the water reaching up I shivered finally the fold came off.

_Omg this is brilliant!_

We were in an aquarium all the lights were off it was pitch black expect for the millions of stars above us, turning to him I leaned into kiss him when water splashed up and a dolphin squeaked bobbing up between us holding a rose in her mouth.

For me? I looked at him he nodded so I took it.

_No Aquarium tank can measure the depth of my love_

_No sky can hold stars as brilliant nor as bright as the smile_

_That lights up your beautiful face_

_I love thee more than thy can imagine _

_My heart beats everyday for the chance of a sight_

_Cat tonight be my Valentine _

_October 31st is our official next date_

Squealing I hugged him hard the smile on his face was amazing music played softly as I laid my head on his chest and we slowly swayed.

I have never felt so close to someone besides Jade and that dream was nothing more than that a dream that can never be reality.

Freddie was reality and he felt rock solid.


	33. Chapter 33

**Imagine**

**Andre's p o v**

_Bright Red! Bright Red fill the whole space up with it imagine it to be whatever gets your blood flowing._

We were all moving and jumping as Mr. Sikowitz yelled various things at us trying to get us moving and thinking and feeling.

Bright red to me I imagined the back round for my 1st album cover me dressed in all leather with sunglasses on my arms crossed standing in a sea of water all rising up to hoover above me a giant gold cross outlined me as my name in sliver lettering held my feet up.

Andre Harris

Than the tittle of my CD was under my name I didn't yet know what the tittle would be but someday I would.

I watched Tori as she moved Red to her could mean lipstick she had this favorite shade she always wore when we would go out on dates. Her lips looked like two brightly filled out cherries.

Roses were her favorite flowers..hearts were her favorite stickers she loved any song that had the word in it. She was always singing A Heart Full Of Love. Hearts were red.

Robbie well who knew what Red meant to him probably all the times Rex slapped him silly. Jade well we all know what Red meant to her.

I shudder involuntary.

_Excellent Andre Excellent_

Total accident Sikowitz but I'll take it.

_Green slow don't think react_

_Use the scale 1-10_

One started out slow mini reactions our reactions rose as the numbers did.

_Take the sounds use it as a guide it can be human non human it can speak any language_

Improvisonal drama was my favorite you could tell so many stories in so many ways.

Next we had partners Tori was mine we stood chest to chest he yelled out instructions.

_Arms_

Tori grabbed my arms

_Your arms oh so strong take me away we can go anywhere _

_Not without your arms Tori Your arms what happened..._

She screamed picking up on where I was going she played it our beautifully eyes wide as she looked for what use to be here arms.

_What happened to my arms Andre where did my arms go?_

_Heart!_

Sikowitz yelled Tori grinned glaring at Jade who was Partnered with Beck oh no this couldn't be good.

_Jade has none it's useless a lost hopeless case_

Jade whipped around glaring at Tori Beck tried to hold her back.

_Excuse me while I take the knife out of my back and use it to stab it through_

_Vega's chest so I can stop her HEART from beating!_

Sikowitz changed the word quickly as Beck held Jade back.

_Head_

_Tori needs her head examined if she thinks she'll win against me_

_Maybe you can lend me your shrink since you never keep your appointments_

_Girls Girls Jade turn your head to me focus your eyes on me_

_I'm your partner _

_Well tell your BFF to control his bitch or I'll take her pretty little head right off her skinny little body!_

I grabbed Tori holding her back as Sikowitz yelled out.

_Waist!_

"_Okay what did we learn about this acting exercise? _

_That we have to use not only our words but our bodies to tell a story_

_Excellent Shaprio_

Robbie clapped pumping his fist I had no idea why Tori and Jade were ready to kill each other but they seemed even more violate than usual which scared me.

_Any other lessons?_

I raised my hand he nodded at me his go ahead to speak.

_We must learn to control our own emotions our bodies to work with the scene_

_We never want the audience to see our technique we need to make it believable_

_Yes right on Harris On top!_

We high fived I grinned Tori awed kissing me Jade gagged.

Standing by our lockers after class Tori and I held each other kissing and cuddling.

_I have to wazz_

Jade announced as she sat on the steps yawing.

_Congrats Jade so go wazz already_

_Well gee thanks for the permission Robbie maybe I'll wazz on your puppet_

_He's not a puppet!_

_Your disgusting''_

Tori groaned why she was groaning was beyond me I slipped my hand under the back of her shirt rubbing the small of her back. She smiled laying her head on my chest.

_Trina..._

Tori moaned

_No way Tori it's bad enough I have to share a room with this thing I am not taking her to wazz_

Jade groaned rolling her eyes

_I can go myself_

_No you can't you know the rules_

What rules? I look at Beck as the girls go towards the bathroom he shrugs as Trina answers for him.

_My dad believes Jade can't be trusted to be by herself_

_Even when she's wazzing?_

_How do we know that's what she's doing?_

_She could say it is but it only takes a minute to shoot up down a few swigs of a bottle pop a few pills_

_Yea that's true_

_Well I'm not doing it I don't care what my dad says Tori got me stuck having her as my roommate she can do wazz duty.._

_And other duties to?_

Trina looked at Robbie made a your gross face and spun on her heals.


	34. Chapter 34

**Tori**

_What do I get out of this brat?_

_Stop calling me brat Trina_

_Sorry weasel_

_I'm not a weasel_

_Yea this is kind of a weaselly thing your about to do_

_Well will you help me or not?_

_Again Brat what's in it for me?_

_Uh is everything about you Trina?_

_Yes duh_

_Fine my next months allowance and a month of homework duty_

_Two months allowance cause if dad catches us I'll be grounded for four months I'll need the money_

_For what you'll be grounded but he won't catch us as long as we stick to the plan_

_Fine I'll help but think about what your doing babe if it goes wrong Cat could hate you_

_She won't besides Freddie and Cat will be fine_

_Thank you Trina_

_Your welcome _

_Here's the address Jennette's family will be away all weekend_

_Perfect thanks_

Trina grunted as she went out of the bathroom calling out.

_Three months allowance will be the thanks I need_

_It's two nice try_

_A girl's gotta try_

Grinning as I got ready for school I looked at the piece of paper memorizing the address.

13134 Ebell Street Panorama City, CA

Perfect slipping it into my pocket I finished getting ready praying that everything would work as I planned it to.


	35. Chapter 35

**Cat's p o v**

13345 Cameron Street Panorama City, CA

I searched for the address as I got off the bus Freddie and I were meeting there separately his mom was getting suspicious of us being so close so we had to lie to her he told her he was meeting Res and Sinjin at Sinjin's house.

Evening was starting to fall as I stepped off the bus smiling so grateful Tori had gotten us a place I couldn't stop squealing and grinning all day hugging her.

Jade was suspicious I wanted to tell her so bad but she would flip out so I couldn't tell her, but it killed me to hide it from her.

Panorama is a busy city filled mainly with a younger population all hurrying to and from places while talking on their cells.

Buildings rose and stood with an important gleam making me nervous was this correct? Tori wouldn't of mixed up the address would she?

I didn't want to be late Freddie and I had waited so long to be together nothing could spoil it for us now.

Buildings after buildings all looking like business passed by as I walked block after block maybe I should ask someone? Everyone was in such a hurry and didn't seem that friendly so I shy-ed away instead just trying to concentrate on the numbers and street names.

14332

14333

12123

10435

Uh these numbers were so confusion and I didn't see Cameron street anywhere! I needed to pee so bad to when would I get to it?

_Excuse me sir_

He brushed past me not even stopping to acknowledge that I had talked so rude!

I felt my face flush and my eyes water why were people so mean? Call Tori Cat she can help I was starting to get chilly as evening turned to dark Freddie would think I had abounded him or worse that I chickened out.

Her phone rang but went to voice mail I left a message but felt my heart racing and my stomach rising, Freddie call him again no answer what the hell? Oh please don't let him be mad at me.

_Excuse me ma'am_

_Please ma'am_

Fuck why are people so mean and rude in big cities? I grew up in La and I wasn't rude was it a grownup thing? Were kids that insignificant?

I swear I will never treat kids this way when I am older.

The darker it grew the colder it grew business started to close traffic slowed and the street crowds got thinner shivering because of the thin black spaghetti strap dress that I was wearing which stopped just below my butt plus my tights. I looked around till I found a cafe that was still open I had to pee so bad.

**Restrooms for costumers only!**

Of course they were just to pee I had to buy a frigging over priced drink that would make me pee even more.

_What can I get you miss?_

_Um I'll take a chi latte please can you tell me where this address is? _

_No sorry but I'm from Burbank so I really don't know the area_

_Thanks anyway_

_I'll be back for my order_

Quickly running into the restroom to relieve myself I checked my wallet just as I thought no money damn it now what was I suppose to do?

I was starting to panic how was I suppose to get home? Where was this place? Why can't I find it? Was this a trick? Tori would never do that I know she wouldn't but maybe Trina gave her the wrong address she was mean enough to do it.

Returning to the cafe near tears my chest tight I grabbed my drink not at all hungry or thirsty. Should I try Tori again?

Grabbing my phone I saw a slide show of pictures of Freddie and I tears overflowed her phone kept ringing damn it!

_Excuse me miss?_

Whipping away my tears as I turned around to address the young man who was talking to me faking a smile.

_Yes Sir?_

_I couldn't help but notice you looked like you could be lost and in need of some help_

_Yea I'm trying to meet my boyfriend Freddie my friend Tori set it up so we could have some alone time_

_But I can't seem to find the place_

_He's going to be so mad _

_Maybe I could help you find the place if you want I hate to see a beautiful girl crying alone_

_I'm not beautiful but thank you_

_Sweetheart you are so beautiful and your welcome_

He took the piece of paper smiling my heart beat faster maybe he knew it.

_I know this place very well_

_You do can you show me how to get there?_

_Yes I'm on my way that way_

_You are do you live close by?_

_You could say that it's my house_

_It is? Do you know my friend Tori?_

_No but my sister Jennette probably does_

_Oh does she go to Hollywood arts to?_

_Yes she does that's probably where she got it from _

_She said no one would be home _

_My parents are away and I pretty much let Jen do what she wants_

_That's probably why she paid me to stay away tonight_

His laughter made me feel comfortable he wasn't doing it in a mean way just in a teasing way I felt myself smiling as he whipped away my tears.

_Let's not keep that lucky boy waiting any longer let's head there_

_Thanks what's your name?_

_Bryce Evans_

_What's yours sweetie?_

_Cat Valentine_

_Cat that's a unique name for a unique girl_

_So I'm unique and beautiful_

_Yes you are_

_You always have this way with the ladies?_

_Just the pretty ones_

As we walked to his place I couldn't believe my luck what were the chances that I would find the owner of the house I was looking for in a little corner cafe?

The night sky was full of stars all shining so brightly as he walked closer to me slipping his arm around my waist I should of fought him off but I was so tired and so cold it felt good.

His neighborhood was pretty with houses far enough apart that neighbors had privacy tress lined yards and dogs and little kids played in front.

He held the door open for me as my heart raced. Please let Freddie still be here.

He lead me into the kitchen as I looked around room to room. My heart pounding as I opened each door calling his name.

_He's probably upstairs why don't you have a drink and calm down I'll go check to see if Jen waited here._

Please don't be mad Freddie please. The liquid was rough it burned my throat but I was so dry from walking I drank the whole 12 ounces.


	36. Chapter 36

**Tori's p o v**

_Cat_

Freddie's voice called out to me as I came inside the bedroom which he had set with a table with two champagne glasses lined with rose petals.

He sounded so hopeful so anxious a small smile spread across my face as I approached the doorway his back was turned to me so I stayed silently and watched he looked dashing in his black dress pants and Grey dress shirt.

His hair was gelled back spiked in the front. Deep breath Tori you can do this get what you want.

_Freddie _

He spun around his eyes wide with anticipation than deflated.

_Tori what's going on?_

_Hey Freddie I hope you weren't waiting too long_

_No I just got here thirty minutes ago have you seen Cat?_

_Yea Freddie I am so sorry _

_Sorry about what?_

_Is she okay?_

_Yea she's um fine Freddie _

_So where is she?_

_I have everything set I'm so excited I just want it to be perfect for her_

_For us_

_Freddie_

Deep breath Tori you can do this going over to him I felt how nervous he was he tensed up as my fingers laced through his.

_Freddie I am so sorry she's not coming_

_What? What do you mean is she okay? Is she sick?_

_She's fine Freddie but _

_Than why? Why isn't she coming?_

_We love each other_

_Sometimes love isn't enough_

_What are you trying to say Tori?_

This was harder than I thought taking a deep breath with shaky hands I poured myself a glass of Champagne I've never tasted Alcohol before the cool liquid burned bubbly and sweet. Kind of nasty but I drowned it praying for courage to do this.

Moving closer to him he stumbled back shocked at my advancement I could smell the sweat coming off of him.

_She's not coming because she's with someone else_

_What?_

_No way Cat would never do that_

_I'm sorry Freddie but she was never really into you she was just using you _

_Using me for what?_

I poured two more glasses giving him one he pushed it away shrugging I swallowed mine. My heart was pounding so fast what if he caught on Tori? Keep calm you are an actress you can do this think of it as practice for future jobs.

_She told me a few weeks ago she was in love with someones else_

_Who? Who is she in love with?_

_She didn't say but she was freaking out today she didn't think it was right to come here to do this_

_When she just isn't feeling you she doesn't want you to get hurt she just she's not into you_

_She doesn't love me?_

_No Freddie I am so sorry you didn't deserve this_

Slowly pulling myself into his arms I ran my hands over his face watching while he broke down I never saw a guy cry before and it was kind of freaky but so far it was going according to plan.

Freddie cried for almost an hour while I drank most of the bottle, slowly he started to calm down I handed him a beer which he looked at suspiciously running my fingers over his sweaty shaking hands I brushed my leg over against his.

Freddie looked defeated as he buried his face in the blanket running my hands over his back I slowly took his jacket off.

_Freddie she left me this note to give to you_

_I can't Tori I don't need to see her rejection in print_

_Maybe you do maybe that's what you need to see that she was never worth your time_

_Tori please I just want to forget _

_I can help with that_

_Have another one Freddie _

Freddie drowned four more beers as I sipped my champagne.

His eyes started to become glassy as I read to him the letter.

_Dear Freddie_

_It's not easy to tell you this, but I recently began spending some time with another boy from Ridgewood You don't know him, but over the course of the last few weeks I've realized that he and I have a connection that I can no longer pretend doesn't exist._

_It's not fair to you for me to pretend that our relationship is going to work when I know in my heart that my attention is elsewhere. You deserve someone who will love you, and only you, and I know that you will find someone who will treat you right._

_I'll always remember our time together as a special time in my life. I hope you can forgive me and realize that my leaving is the best thing for everyone involved._

Rainbows and kisses Kitty

_Freddie I didn't want to tell you but she plans to go all the way with him tonight_

_What? She can't she was suppose to be with me we were suppose to go all the way_

_I'm sorry Freddie _

His tears fallen gave me the perfection distraction to lean over and kiss him I expected him to push me away but instead he pulled me closer and pushed me down on the bed.

_You want to help me Tori?_

_Yes than help me forget that little bitch _

_I can do that Freddie with pleassure_


	37. Chapter 37

**Jade's p o v**

_Why can't you just be normal Jade? _

_Dress a little more colorful talk a little sweeter_

_Why can't you stay out of my business mother?_

_Cause your my daughter and I have every right to _

_You have no right!_

The latest fight played around in my mind as I drove around this unfamiliar neighborhood in the pitch black midnight air.

Cat's text message was cryptic at best but her words didn't look like her normal text which worried me she seemed scared.

I hated neighborhoods like this the houses were so close together you couldn't even tell who's front porch ended where one started.

Every corner was lined with dark hooded figures pacing back and forth my skin crawled my mind raced why was Cat here? Was she okay? She had to be scared hell I was scared and nothing scares me.

Pulling up to the cafe I breathed a sigh of relief as Cat came up to the vehicle she wasn't bouncing she wasn't happy but I couldn't see her face in the pitch blackness of the night.

_Kitty are you okay?_

_Please don't ask questions Jade_

Her weariness and sharpness stunned me. I didn't know what to make of it.

_Okay can I ask if you need to see a doctor?_

_What's that suppose to mean?_

_Just that your walking very slow and you look like your in pain._

_Please Jade don't ask any questions I just want to go home and shower and lay down_

_Okay Cat whatever you say_

I watched her as she laid down in the backseat and made the instant choice to head straight to the hospital something was wrong and I was going to get answers.

Pulling up at the emergency entrance I was meet by two staff members with a stretcher slowly lifting her out I laid her on the stretcher she didn't wake.

Handing my keys to the valet parker attendant I followed them inside.

Hours went by as doctors and nurses came in examining her while I held her hand she was in and out of the awake stages never fully understanding what was going on but no less scared.

Rape they said the words but my mind didn't fully comprehend what the doctor was saying Virginal tearing bruising bleeding.

She was drugged ghb they found a large amount in her system enough to cause blackouts for days.

Who would do this to her?

If Freddie had anything to do with this I swear I was going to kill him.

By the time we got home it was almost six the next morning. I called us off of school as I helped her inside the bathroom to shower she flinched at every touch but I didn't let it stop me holding her naked in the shower skin to skin kissing her swollen checks and red eyes. Scrubbing her body with soap and shampooing her hair washing her so gently while the tears fell from both our eyes. She stayed silent.

She lay against me in bed the fan blowing on us as her body shock from tears my mind raced with questions.

Who sent Cat there? Why was she there? Why didn't she tell me I would of gone with her. Who did she trust? Who broke her trust? Who would do this to sweet innocent Cat, did she know them?

Where the hell was Freddie?

He was suppose to protect her love her be by her side.

My blood raced and burned but my pounding head lured me into a restless sleep.


	38. Chapter 38

**Cat's p o v**

_Dear slut_

_I have never been so hurt in my whole life you are a liar a user and a horrible person._

_I use to look up to you I thought you were the neatest sweetest person you had a smile that could out shine the sun._

_I was wrong cause you burned me worse than sunburn you could of talked to me you could of given us chance to work on things instead you run off and screw the first boy you see._

_You disgust me don't talk to me don't contact me if you see me in the same hall turn and walk away._

_I hate you and I hope you die painfully._

_Sincerely Frewdward Benson_

Jade's voice called out my name as I was reading his text message to me are you kidding me? He was blaming me for what happened last night?

I couldn't breathe it felt like I was breathing through a straw my breaths were coming faster and faster blinking trying to wipe away my tears gasping as I tried to cover up my whines gulping swallowing nothing seemed to help.

Sniffling as the tears fell in giant waves Jade was by me instantly as she wrapped her arms around me.

Rocking me as she kissed my face.

Feeling dizzy I laid back down as Jade held me she didn't say anything she just rocked me and kissed me sometimes saying nothing at all is the best medicine.

Laying there I have no idea how many hours passed all I felt was Jade trying to take away the pain but even her holding me couldn't take away the endless amount of physical pain that seemed to rack me in waves after waves.

I know days must of passed she would make me get up to use the bathroom she would try to feed me but I threw everything up. She would help me take my medication she would make me drink.

Taking me upstairs I was dizzy, I thought I heard Freddie but he wasn't there. I tried to push him off he kept telling me he wasn't going to hurt me we were going to have fun he was going to teach me how to be a woman.

I kicked screamed but he held me down he ripped my clothes my throat hurt from screaming so bad but the pain was so bad when he ripped inside of me.

Screaming as I shot up Jade was there to hold me while I cried I know it was hurting her to see me like this but I couldn't stop.

Going back to school I felt my whole face burning everyone was staring at me I knew it even though she told me no one was I felt their eyes crawling all over my body.

I heard the whispers Slut, Whore, Cheater..Bitch

Why were people saying these things? Why did Freddie write what he wrote? I never cheated I was raped didn't he know what that meant? Didn't he care about me at all?

He wouldn't look at me he refused to talk to me I felt like what happened was my fault even though Sam and Jade both told me it wasn't my fault over and over again.

No matter how hard I tried I couldn't keep focus in class I felt dizzy and sick every time I looked at Freddie he was with Tori kissing her holding her whispering to her.

How could she? She was suppose to be my friend she was suppose to look out for me.

I felt so betrayed so used so dirty.

_Cat can you please answer this question for me?_

I have no idea how long my teacher called to me but when I finally noticed she was standing in front of me I felt my face flushing my whole body shaking.

_Cat's swimming with the fishes she can't think right now Mr. Anthony_

_What is that suppose to mean Terrel?_

_Didn't ya hear Cat kisses like a dead fish _

I gasped covering my mouth as I saw Freddie grin looking back at me.

_It's true she does thank you Cat for being such a slut it was easy to move on and Tori is a real woman_

_She's not afraid to do whatever it takes to please a man maybe you should learn_

I couldn't stop the tears as they poured out shoving past everyone as I ran out of the room I didn't stop I just kept going.

I have no idea how long I stayed in the fetal position but Jade and Lane found me curled up in the blackbox hours later.

Taking me home they stayed with me talking to me trying to calm me down Sam was so livid she wanted to hurt Freddie.

After Lane left the next morning Jade laid with me holding me as I kept crying.

_What the hell does a dead fish kiss like who compares somebody to a dead fish?_

_Only a moron Cat and I know you don't kiss like that_

_What if I do what if I am that awful?_

_No Cat you don't I'll prove it to you_

_With your permission baby?_

_To do what Jade?_

_To kiss you sweetheart_

_Permission granted_

Jade's lips were soft so soft and warm I melted as she wrapped her arms around me pulling me on top of her as my hands ran the length of her body.

Our bodies moved in sync as we undressed each other and kissed each other. Her heat pressed against me caused me to gasp as I felt her grinding against me.

Her lips coarsening down my throat and my neck as she sweetly took me in slowly going with a gentleness no one ever would of thought her cable of.

We didn't make love that night but we did confess our feelings for each other and I never felt so happy as when I was holding her in my arms.

School passed with an incredible fast pace before I knew it was winter break Andre was pissed over his bad grade. Tori was freaking over her Secret Santa every time I looked at her I felt sick to my stomach how could she call herself my friend and do what she did to me?

She was the reason I was lost and alone that night she was the reason I was raped.

I tried to focus on keeping Jade happy she was so over whelmed with keeping me safe and making sure I was happy she was slipping with her school work which was stressing her out and her and her mom were fighting so bad.

So I bought her a new pair of scissors from the scissoring which she loved, Robbie was so sweet buying me that cotton candy machine.

The sweetness from the cotton candy gave me such a rush I would forget about the pain for a little while but it didn't last long. Every time I closed my eyes I saw him felt him smelled him.

I was sick to my stomach sweating every sound scared me every unexpected touch caused me to cry out and back away in pain.

No one knew what happened that night except Sam and Jade I didn't want to burden my Nona and my friends I wasn't sure who to trust anymore.

_Cat slow down on the cotton candy before you get sick from all that sugar_

_I'm fine!_

Andre backed up as I snapped damn it why snap at him he's so sweet he's just worried but he had no idea how much I needed this.

Maybe I should of listened maybe I wouldn't of thrown up so much for an hour straight missing two classes Jade sat by me holding my hair back trying not to gag herself as she muttered things like calm down breathe deep, oh that's gross.

School let out for a two weeks and Jade and I spent every minute together she slept over my house and took care of me we lay in bed naked kissing and touching she touch felt so amazing. I cried form the sheer tenderness she never did anything without asking first slowly we got more physical the first time she slipped her fingers inside of my tenderness I almost passed out it hurt so damn bad but I trusted her so I didn't stop her, even when my breathing was labored from shock.

Slowly the pain turned to pleasure which racked my body. She didn't push me past what I was ready for just kissing me was enough and I didn't love anyone more than her for doing that.

We exchanged presents under the fireplace curled up she got me a necklace with a diamond heart shaped over a J.

I bought her a new corset and a gift card to her favorite Goth store.

Returning to school was horrible I just had no energy anymore and getting detention on Saturday didn't help.

The sound of my stomach retching as I threw up those damn tacos was just more proof vegan was for me.

If I didn't love Jade so much I would of killed her for pressuring me into eating them sweating and dizzy I laid back on the bathroom floor at home.

Jade was at her house she got grounded for earning herself three more detentions which she didn't deserve but her mom didn't care any reason to yell at her ground her and she was happy.

_Cat this is the second week straight you have been vomiting even the smell of food makes you ill plus your moody and dizzy._

_So what's your point Sam?_

The blond stood there arms crossed staring at me as I got up washing my mouth out and washing up. Her eyes were worried.

_I think you need to see a doctor you maybe pregnant_

_That's impossible Sam it can't happen_

_Yes it can Cat it happened to me and I was 14 it can happen sweetie even your first time_

_No no no!_

_Cat calm down sweetie_

_Back up and stop lying to me Sam I am not pregnant I can't be I just_

_I'm only 16 I can't have a baby I am a baby I didn't want to have sex!_

_I told him no!_

_Cat sweetheart_

_No get away from me stop trying to scare me! _

I ran away pushing past her shoving her so hard she lost her balance slamming my door I fell on the floor bawling.

This can't be happing good girls aren't suppose to get pregnant.

I am a good girl I obey god I love my family even when they do wrong even when others say it's a sin I do great in school I'm sweet and smart I'm the dream girl except not as bright as my parents wanted yet I maybe pregnant.

This has to be a dream.


	39. Chapter 39

**Tori's p o v**

_Where is it?_

_Uh! Where did that five dollars go?_

God I am so broke how am I suppose to buy that special cheese? My jeans my makeup! Uh I hate being a teenager!

Andre was talking I was agreeing to work for him at his yogurt stand but all I could do was focus on Cat glaring at me while she was talking to Jade.

How stupid was I to do what I did to her? Uh how could it go so out of hand? I just wanted to feel special for one night.

I didn't mean to steal her boyfriend but I did and now I had no idea how to get her to forgive me how do you forgive someone who betrayed you?

_Tori Yo Tori_

_Uh?_

_Are you even listening?_

_What oh sorry Andre_

_Yea totally sounds fine thanks_

_Look Tori why don't you just go over and talk to her tell her your sorry_

_Not going to work she won't even look at me_

_Do you want me to talk to her?_

_Do you think it will work?_

_It can't hurt babe_

_Would you forgive Beck if he stole the girl you liked?_

_If he was truly sorry yea I just might I mean it's a pretty chizzy thing to do but we all have our own reasons for doing what we do._

_Just show her your really sorry_

_How?_

_I don't know Tori you have to think of that one on your own_

_Great thanks Andre_

_No problem_

_She looks upset though_

_I know she hasn't been herself for awhile now I'm really starting to worry about her Tori_

_You know what yea I will go talk to her I can't promise anything but I can try_

_Thanks Andre your the best_

_Sure babe don't forget were preforming together this Saturday at the Kick Back_

_I know I am so stoked I need to preform so bad_

_Gots to go babe class is going to start I'll let ya know how it goes_

_Thanks Andre you really are the best friend I could ask for_

_Keep your chin up Tori Cat's one of the sweetest girls I know she can't stay mad for long_

School dragged on for hours all I could do was stare at Cat who seemed withdrawn and depressed she was barely paying attention in class.

Jade's stare was enough to melt metal her arm was firmly wrapped around Cat's shoulders all day Honestly the whole thing was making me sick my head was pounding I couldn't even focus in class.

Freddie was trying so hard to make me laugh he was really sweet but I just couldn't smile not when I could see how bad it was tearing Cat up why did I do it?

Flipping through my cell phone I scrolled through my gallery and looked at all the pictures of Cat and I through the last three years.

At kick backs at festivals just goofing off in the halls at school preforming on stage in various plays talent shows, sleepovers were we did each others hair and makeup she would always laugh so hard. I missed all that Trina was too busy she never had time to hang with me like when we were kids Jade forget it I would be worried she'd poison me.

_Tori what would you like?_

_Can I be excused please I need to go see Lane_

_Why?_

_Uh girl issues_

_Oh god I am sorry I asked yes go_

_Thanks Mr. Anthony_

Walking slowly to the office I tried to think about what drove me to be so stupid that night.

_Thanks for seeing me Lane_

_Sure Tori I mean it's not like it's my job and all_

I grinned slowly and laughed a little.

_So what brings you here Tori_

_I feel like crap Lane_

_You sick Tori?_

_Yes in the head_

_Well you came to the right place_

_Why are you sick in the head?_

_Cause I did something horrible and I lost a close friend_

_I'm sure whatever it is you did isn't as horrible as you seem to think it is_

_Oh it is Lane trust me and you'll hate me when it's all out_

_I doubt that _

_I'm sure of it_

_Try me Tori I have heard some pretty horrible things in my life_

I spilled the whole story and Lane sat there looking at me without judgment when I was done he nodded and came closer to me I was crying by the time I was done.

Taking my hand he smiled at me.

_So you lied to Cat gave her the wrong address and meet Freddie at the house and slept with him_

_Yea I know I am horrible I'm the worst friend ever_

_Well you won't be winning best friend of the year Tori but tell me did you mean to hurt Cat?_

_No I wasn't even thinking about her that day_

_What were you thinking about?_

_I wasn't I was trying to kill the pain_

_You mean the pain of your parents divorce?_

_How did you know?_

_Trina_

_She knows?_

_Yes __she's worried about you_

_Would you like to talk to her?_

_Yes please_

He left to go get Trina from class while I sat there by myself I thought back to the day before this whole thing.

I walked in from school to find my mom in bed with Gary I was so upset I started screaming at her and we had a huge fight he forced me to keep quite or she would stop me form going to Hollywood Arts.

She said it would destroy my dad and he would never look at me the same way I felt so sick and so confused and Trina wanted nothing to do with me she was so busy.

Cat was so smitten with Freddie she wouldn't even listen when I called I felt so unloved and I was so mad I always listened to her when she was upset and she wouldn't even take two minutes to listen.

All day I tried to talk to her and all she could talk about was Freddie Freddie Freddie he was so wonderful he listened when she talked and he never judged. Why I switched the addresses minutes before I gave it to her I still don't know I didn't have any real plans I just wanted to talk to someone.

I wanted that so bad no judgment no questions just someone who would love me and listen I remember getting high that day my mom had given me hush money enough to buy a small amount of coke I remember sniffing it before I went to see Freddie.

I didn't think he would be that upset I mean damn he was acting as if someone had killed her getting him drunk wasn't apart of the plan either it just happened, me getting drunk yes that was definitely apart of the plan and it worked to well.

We started talking and it just felt so amazing to have him really listen and understand where I was coming from, no one ever did that before Cat never did it was always about her and what she was dealing with. Jade she hates me and could care less about what I needed or wanted,

Trina never has time but he did he made me feel important plus the coke and the champagne.

I started to haze out when he asked me to help him forget I honesty had no sense of right or wrong I just felt like it's what my body needed.

Even as we undressed and started kissing even as I was putting my mouth in places I had never put it before I felt nothing laying with him as he penetrated me all I felt was pleasure he was so strong so big so fast I had no time to think I could barely handle him it took everything in me not to cry I was screaming and moaning and Cat never once crossed my mind.

Not till I woke up the next day and understood what I had done I planned to tell him the truth but by than he had sent her that stupid text. God it all spun out of control so fast so bad he was just so mad she wasn't in school for almost two weeks she wouldn't answer my calls.

Trina and my parents weren't talking to me my parents fought all the time Trina had her own life Andre was dating some new girl and didn't have time between school work and her to come over so I had no one except Freddie.

We talked a lot and I really felt like he understood me he really seemed to care about me I wasn't use to that and I started to fall in love with him.

I never meant for it to happen but it did we become closer and we started having sex every week I know it's wrong but Cat didn't seem to care enough to fight for him and he seemed over her so I didn't try to stop it.

Over the next few months we started dating and having real nights out that didn't involve just sex. I know he was hurt by what he thought she did that's why he made the remarks he did what I didn't understand is why she never denied it.

_Tori _

I looked up to see Trina come rushing inside.

Standing up quickly I was shocked when she ran over and embraced me.

I started crying and couldn't seem to stop. For the first time in forever we sat down and talked like real sisters.

_It's not your fault mom and dad are having problems Tori_

_I was the one who told Dad Trina_

_No Tori you weren't_

_What do you mean?_

_I mean dad has known for a long time now this isn't the first time mom has done something stupid and slept around._

_What?_

_Yea it's happened before when we were 12 and ten I found her in bed with the neighbor and I asked daddy why mommy was in bed with the neighbor do you remember that night when dad told us to go to Aunt Becky's but she wasn't home?_

_Yea it was mid January chilly and rainy so you took my hand and we went to the movies instead you used your babysitting money and we had so much fun._

_Yea we did didn't we?_

_Uh huh it was a great time_

_Well not so great for dad they had a huge fight that night but they went to therapy and tried to work it out for our sake_

Trina rolled her eyes as I smiled.

_It's not your fault Tori you did the right thing mom is wrong for doing what she did again and for threating you blackmailing you were kids Tori it's not our job to fix their problems._

_We have to focus on what we do and try to be better than what they are_

_But I'm not Trina I am worse than her I stole my best friend's boyfriend and she won't even look at me_

_She's hurt Tori she's confused try talking to her or better yet showing her your sorry_

_How? I don't want to lose Freddie _

_Well if your honest with her maybe you won't have to_

_You think?_

_It can't hurt talk to her_

_When?_

_Whenever you can as soon as you can_

All day I thought about what she said and tried to find the words to say to her

Saturday I worked for hours trying to sell those stupid frozen yogurt balls.

Freddie was so sweet visiting me bringing me latte's and rubbing my shoulders dancing for me making me laugh he made the time go fast as I walked around the stupid mall trying to sell the unsellable.

Andre of course was a big help making me laugh and him and Freddie seemed to hit it off when I was busy walking he kept Andre talking.

During my break I decided I had to tell him the truth.

_Freddie there's something I have to tell you_

_What is it beautiful?_

How do you tell someone who you've grown to depend on that you got together through a lie? Deep breath.

_I lied_

_About what?_

_About Cat_

_What are you talking about? Why are we even saying that bitch's name?_

_She's not a bitch_

_Yea she is she used me she cheated on me she.._

_No she didn't I lied Freddie she never had anyone else she was given the wrong address I lied to her I sent her some where else._

_I made up that story so I could get you alone _

_You did what?_

_I am so sorry I was upset and I was high and I didn't think_

_She never cheated?_

_No she never did not to my knowledge_

_Why Tori why would you hurt her like that? Why would you hurt me?_

_Cause I was stupid and I was foolish_

_I am so sorry _

_Save it Tori I don't want to hear it I need time I get away from me_

I tried to reach out to him but he pushed me off as I started crying he took off.


	40. Chapter 40

**Tori's p o v**

_Where is it?_

_Uh! Where did that five dollars go?_

God I am so broke how am I suppose to buy that special cheese? My jeans my makeup! Uh I hate being a teenager!

Andre was talking I was agreeing to work for him at his yogurt stand but all I could do was focus on Cat glaring at me while she was talking to Jade.

How stupid was I to do what I did to her? Uh how could it go so out of hand? I just wanted to feel special for one night.

I didn't mean to steal her boyfriend but I did and now I had no idea how to get her to forgive me how do you forgive someone who betrayed you?

_Tori Yo Tori_

_Uh?_

_Are you even listening?_

_What oh sorry Andre_

_Yea totally sounds fine thanks_

_Look Tori why don't you just go over and talk to her tell her your sorry_

_Not going to work she won't even look at me_

_Do you want me to talk to her?_

_Do you think it will work?_

_It can't hurt babe_

_Would you forgive Beck if he stole the girl you liked?_

_If he was truly sorry yea I just might I mean it's a pretty chizzy thing to do but we all have our own reasons for doing what we do._

_Just show her your really sorry_

_How?_

_I don't know Tori you have to think of that one on your own_

_Great thanks Andre_

_No problem_

_She looks upset though_

_I know she hasn't been herself for awhile now I'm really starting to worry about her Tori_

_You know what yea I will go talk to her I can't promise anything but I can try_

_Thanks Andre your the best_

_Sure babe don't forget were preforming together this Saturday at the Kick Back_

_I know I am so stoked I need to preform so bad_

_Gots to go babe class is going to start I'll let ya know how it goes_

_Thanks Andre you really are the best friend I could ask for_

_Keep your chin up Tori Cat's one of the sweetest girls I know she can't stay mad for long_

School dragged on for hours all I could do was stare at Cat who seemed withdrawn and depressed she was barely paying attention in class.

Jade's stare was enough to melt metal her arm was firmly wrapped around Cat's shoulders all day Honestly the whole thing was making me sick my head was pounding I couldn't even focus in class.

Freddie was trying so hard to make me laugh he was really sweet but I just couldn't smile not when I could see how bad it was tearing Cat up why did I do it?

Flipping through my cell phone I scrolled through my gallery and looked at all the pictures of Cat and I through the last three years.

At kick backs at festivals just goofing off in the halls at school preforming on stage in various plays talent shows, sleepovers were we did each others hair and makeup she would always laugh so hard. I missed all that Trina was too busy she never had time to hang with me like when we were kids Jade forget it I would be worried she'd poison me.

_Tori what would you like?_

_Can I be excused please I need to go see Lane_

_Why?_

_Uh girl issues_

_Oh god I am sorry I asked yes go_

_Thanks Mr. Anthony_

Walking slowly to the office I tried to think about what drove me to be so stupid that night.

_Thanks for seeing me Lane_

_Sure Tori I mean it's not like it's my job and all_

I grinned slowly and laughed a little.

_So what brings you here Tori_

_I feel like crap Lane_

_You sick Tori?_

_Yes in the head_

_Well you came to the right place_

_Why are you sick in the head?_

_Cause I did something horrible and I lost a close friend_

_I'm sure whatever it is you did isn't as horrible as you seem to think it is_

_Oh it is Lane trust me and you'll hate me when it's all out_

_I doubt that _

_I'm sure of it_

_Try me Tori I have heard some pretty horrible things in my life_

I spilled the whole story and Lane sat there looking at me without judgment when I was done he nodded and came closer to me I was crying by the time I was done.

Taking my hand he smiled at me.

_So you lied to Cat gave her the wrong address and meet Freddie at the house and slept with him_

_Yea I know I am horrible I'm the worst friend ever_

_Well you won't be winning best friend of the year Tori but tell me did you mean to hurt Cat?_

_No I wasn't even thinking about her that day_

_What were you thinking about?_

_I wasn't I was trying to kill the pain_

_You mean the pain of your parents divorce?_

_How did you know?_

_Trina_

_She knows?_

_Yes __she's worried about you_

_Would you like to talk to her?_

_Yes please_

He left to go get Trina from class while I sat there by myself I thought back to the day before this whole thing.

I walked in from school to find my mom in bed with Gary I was so upset I started screaming at her and we had a huge fight he forced me to keep quite or she would stop me form going to Hollywood Arts.

She said it would destroy my dad and he would never look at me the same way I felt so sick and so confused and Trina wanted nothing to do with me she was so busy.

Cat was so smitten with Freddie she wouldn't even listen when I called I felt so unloved and I was so mad I always listened to her when she was upset and she wouldn't even take two minutes to listen.

All day I tried to talk to her and all she could talk about was Freddie Freddie Freddie he was so wonderful he listened when she talked and he never judged. Why I switched the addresses minutes before I gave it to her I still don't know I didn't have any real plans I just wanted to talk to someone.

I wanted that so bad no judgment no questions just someone who would love me and listen I remember getting high that day my mom had given me hush money enough to buy a small amount of coke I remember sniffing it before I went to see Freddie.

I didn't think he would be that upset I mean damn he was acting as if someone had killed her getting him drunk wasn't apart of the plan either it just happened, me getting drunk yes that was definitely apart of the plan and it worked to well.

We started talking and it just felt so amazing to have him really listen and understand where I was coming from, no one ever did that before Cat never did it was always about her and what she was dealing with. Jade she hates me and could care less about what I needed or wanted,

Trina never has time but he did he made me feel important plus the coke and the champagne.

I started to haze out when he asked me to help him forget I honesty had no sense of right or wrong I just felt like it's what my body needed.

Even as we undressed and started kissing even as I was putting my mouth in places I had never put it before I felt nothing laying with him as he penetrated me all I felt was pleasure he was so strong so big so fast I had no time to think I could barely handle him it took everything in me not to cry I was screaming and moaning and Cat never once crossed my mind.

Not till I woke up the next day and understood what I had done I planned to tell him the truth but by than he had sent her that stupid text. God it all spun out of control so fast so bad he was just so mad she wasn't in school for almost two weeks she wouldn't answer my calls.

Trina and my parents weren't talking to me my parents fought all the time Trina had her own life Andre was dating some new girl and didn't have time between school work and her to come over so I had no one except Freddie.

We talked a lot and I really felt like he understood me he really seemed to care about me I wasn't use to that and I started to fall in love with him.

I never meant for it to happen but it did we become closer and we started having sex every week I know it's wrong but Cat didn't seem to care enough to fight for him and he seemed over her so I didn't try to stop it.

Over the next few months we started dating and having real nights out that didn't involve just sex. I know he was hurt by what he thought she did that's why he made the remarks he did what I didn't understand is why she never denied it.

_Tori _

I looked up to see Trina come rushing inside.

Standing up quickly I was shocked when she ran over and embraced me.

I started crying and couldn't seem to stop. For the first time in forever we sat down and talked like real sisters.

_It's not your fault mom and dad are having problems Tori_

_I was the one who told Dad Trina_

_No Tori you weren't_

_What do you mean?_

_I mean dad has known for a long time now this isn't the first time mom has done something stupid and slept around._

_What?_

_Yea it's happened before when we were 12 and ten I found her in bed with the neighbor and I asked daddy why mommy was in bed with the neighbor do you remember that night when dad told us to go to Aunt Becky's but she wasn't home?_

_Yea it was mid January chilly and rainy so you took my hand and we went to the movies instead you used your babysitting money and we had so much fun._

_Yea we did didn't we?_

_Uh huh it was a great time_

_Well not so great for dad they had a huge fight that night but they went to therapy and tried to work it out for our sake_

Trina rolled her eyes as I smiled.

_It's not your fault Tori you did the right thing mom is wrong for doing what she did again and for threating you blackmailing you were kids Tori it's not our job to fix their problems._

_We have to focus on what we do and try to be better than what they are_

_But I'm not Trina I am worse than her I stole my best friend's boyfriend and she won't even look at me_

_She's hurt Tori she's confused try talking to her or better yet showing her your sorry_

_How? I don't want to lose Freddie _

_Well if your honest with her maybe you won't have to_

_You think?_

_It can't hurt talk to her_

_When?_

_Whenever you can as soon as you can_

All day I thought about what she said and tried to find the words to say to her

Saturday I worked for hours trying to sell those stupid frozen yogurt balls.

Freddie was so sweet visiting me bringing me latte's and rubbing my shoulders dancing for me making me laugh he made the time go fast as I walked around the stupid mall trying to sell the unsellable.

Andre of course was a big help making me laugh and him and Freddie seemed to hit it off when I was busy walking he kept Andre talking.

During my break I decided I had to tell him the truth.

_Freddie there's something I have to tell you_

_What is it beautiful?_

How do you tell someone who you've grown to depend on that you got together through a lie? Deep breath.

_I lied_

_About what?_

_About Cat_

_What are you talking about? Why are we even saying that bitch's name?_

_She's not a bitch_

_Yea she is she used me she cheated on me she.._

_No she didn't I lied Freddie she never had anyone else she was given the wrong address I lied to her I sent her some where else._

_I made up that story so I could get you alone _

_You did what?_

_I am so sorry I was upset and I was high and I didn't think_

_She never cheated?_

_No she never did not to my knowledge_

_Why Tori why would you hurt her like that? Why would you hurt me?_

_Cause I was stupid and I was foolish_

_I am so sorry _

_Save it Tori I don't want to hear it I need time I get away from me_

I tried to reach out to him but he pushed me off as I started crying he took off.


	41. Chapter 41

**Tori's p o v**

Andre carrying me out of the store with my costume over my head while chocolate blinded me was just the perfect ending to the night.

We barely made it to the school in time before it was our turn to preform I saw Cat and Jade down there Jade was dancing with her and Robbie and Sinjiin as some girl rocked it out on the stage.

I didn't know her but she sounded great another reason I needed to do this come clean I mean my head had been so distracted lately my game has been off and my game use to be super tight.

You don't get to be one of the stars in the school getting all the leads now I was barely getting understudies. Jade was loving it I could tell but it was time to kill this.

Taking a deep breath as I came on stage I motioned for Andre to stay grabbing the Mic I yelled out.

_Hey Hollywood Arts! How we all doing?_

I was meet with a whole room full of cheers and one.

_Boo!_

Jade swallowing I tried to ignore her as I watched her put her arms around Cat's shoulders Cat laid her head on Jade's right shoulder.

She didn't want to look at me but I wasn't letting this go.

_Before Andre and I preform our class song writing assignment I would like to sing a classic by immature_

_Cat, Freddie this song is for you_

Deep Breath Tori you can do this.

_Friends come a dime a dozen, Ooh  
__B__ut I know that I will never find a friend like you, Ooh  
And that's why I wanna sing this song, wherever you are  
Wherever (I will never lie again, Ooh)  
I just want to let you know  
__T__hat I will never lie again (I will never lie again) (I promise)_

I will never lie again, Ooh  
Cause you'll always be my friend (you will always be)  
I will never lie again (I will never lie)  
Cause a friend like you, will last forever

Sittin in my window, I'm thinkin of you  
All the fun things we used to do  
I feel the pain, please come back to me  
Cause a friend like you will only, come once in a lifetime

I will never lie again (I will never lie again)  
Cause you'll always be my friend (you'll always be my friend)  
I will never lie again (I will never I will never lie)  
Cause a friend like you, last forever (last forever)

On the phone, when you were here  
Laughin and jokin, cryin and sulkin  
In my dreams, you're still with me  
Cause a friend like you only, comes once in a lifetime

I will never lie again (I will never lie)  
Cause you'll always be my friend (you'll always be my friend)  
I will never lie again (I will never never lie)  
Cause a friend like you, will last forever (last forever)

When I think of you, I think of someone special (Ooh)  
And how it used to be, yeah  
I know, you'll always be my friend  
I'm so sad it had to end, Oh yea baby

I will never lie again (Lie, don't wanna lie to you)  
Cause you'll always be my friend (come back to me, come back, ooh I love you)  
I will never lie again (I don't wanna lie)  
Cause a friend like you, will last forever (a friend like you, will last forever)  
I will never lie again (la dee ahh yee ahh la dee ahh yee ahh)  
Cause you'll always be my friend (you'll always be my friend, Ooh)  
I will never lie again (don't' wanna lie to you, girl)  
Cause a friend like you (a friend like you) will last forever (will last forever) 

I watched Cat's expression she didn't soften her eyes just stared at me okay not working so I had to get her to remember all our awesome times.

Sinjin motioned to me that it was ready so I called for Andre to come up and started our song.

Just as Sinjin's slide show started showing pictures and videos of all of us throughout the last three years. Cat's face and laugh filled the screen as did mine.

_Oooooooh_

_Heres to the Mondays  
Watching all the cars on the freeway  
I ain't got a thing to do  
Can I sit here next to you?  
And oh oh ohhh_

The sideshow showed Cat and I laying on Hollywood Arts roof last year during a light show we were smiling arms wrapped around each other.

Still her expression remained the same. Keep it calm Tori I turned to Georgie our bass player who smiled giving me even more confidence. She was a junior like me and I often used her to jam with she's very talented and a fun easy to talk to girl.

_Yeah, I kinda wish I got paid  
_

_'Cause my card got maxed out yesterday  
Could you give me a shot?  
And I'll work with what I got  
Not a dollar in my pocket but I rock it like I ain't broke.  
You know?_

_Oooooooh  
Heres to us uh-oh  
Heres to us_

Just keep doing your thing Tori you have to even if Cat never forgives you this is for more than just friendship this is for your future the kickback has major record label people here who can discover you. You have to be professional. I was looking tight in my shiny pink/purple jeans my baggy aqua puffy top and rocking that pink cowboy hat my hair was good my makeup tight even the stupid lay looked cool.

_Ooooooooooh  
Heres to us uh-oh  
Heres to never winning first place  
Heres to crying on your birthday_

Images of Cat crying at her 15th birthday showed as I tried to wipe her tears I could see Jade in the back round chocking Rex. I almost lost it and laughed esp when I saw her give Rex a look now as he hid behind Robbie.

_Heres to every single heartbreak _

Cat upset over Evan, Daniel my ex who Cat dated briefly she took every loss hard so why didn't I stop and think before I acted? God I was so stupid.

She was softening though I could see it. More images played of all of us Robbie and Sinjin were enjoying it pointing and laughing. Beck was dancing with four girls who were all over him I mean he looked hot in every picture and video.

_Heres to us  
Heres to us_

Jade even raised her fist as everyone started to sing the chorus with me. It was so awesome to see so much talent in one room all the dancers doing the most amazing moves on the floor as everyone clapped and cheered.

The love was overwhelming.

Cat and Sinjin were dancing not the most amazing moves kind of dorky but hey that's what this is all about expressing individuality.

_Heres to the mistakes  
Somehow they always drop you in the right place  
_

Lane was watching everyone as teachers/Guidance counselors will do at a school function but why was he watching Cat so closely? I mean yea she was a little loopy but she was smart and careful.

Why did she suddenly sit down looking so pale? Was she okay? Jade and Beck and Robbie were close to her. I saw Andre give me a little look of concern. Shrugging I kept dancing.

Freddie was down there trying to get to Cat chiz this can't happen I needed to talk to her before he did if she heard it from him she'd never forgive me. She wouldn't hear my side only his hurry up let's finish this song.

_So, lets go another round  
Till the sky is falling down  
And well laugh at all the shakers and movers  
Now who's the loser?  
What a joke._

_Oooooooooooooh  
Heres to us uh-oh  
Heres to us  
Oooooooooooooh  
Heres to us uh-oh  
Heres to never winning first place(come on)  
Heres to crying on your birthday (on your birthday)  
Heres to every single heartbreak  
Heres to us  
Heres to us_

_Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na_

_I__'__m a player, I__'__m a hater  
But I swear you would never know  
Cause I got a smile on_  
_I__'__m an ex-con  
That just got off parole  
Couldve been a contender, a pretender  
Like Brando Play the role_

Leaning over the balcony arms crossed I saw Lane call for the paramedics my heart was racing so hard why was she so pale? She had her head between her knees and Trina was holding her hair. She looked sweaty her eyes glassy. She hadn't taken anything I hoped. Dear God if my actions caused that sweet girl to use drugs or drink I would never forgive myself. What if someone spiked the punch?

_But I__'__m not so what? And thats just how it goes._

_Yeah!_

Block it out girl and focus on the prize impressing some executives you can deal with whatever it is going on down there later. I looked at Andre and smiled as we danced his guitar playing is always amazing and my voice together we are unstoppable. The whole school was cheering us on a pretty awesome feeling

_Oooooooooooooh  
Heres to us uh-oh  
Heres to us  
Oooooooooooooh  
Heres to us uh-oh  
Heres to never winning first place  
Heres to crying on your birthday (I'm crying)  
Heres to all the bad first dates  
Heres to every single heartbreak  
Heres to raining on your own parade!  
Heres to showing up anyway  
Heres to us  
Heres to us  
Heres to  
Heres to the Mondays_

**Lyrics to Never Lie are owned by ****Writer(s): Claudio Cueni, Christopher Brian Stokes  
Copyright: Universal Music - Z Songs, Universal Music Z Tunes LLC, Hookman Music.**

**Here's to us is owned by Dan Schneider and ****2012 Viacom International Inc. All Rights Reserved. Nick and all related titles, logos and characters are trademarks of Viacom International Inc. **


	42. Chapter 42

**Cat's p o v**

**A/N Explicit scenes of rape not for younger readers] **

Uh my head is pounding so hard damn Sinjin he had to go kick me straight in my face my neck was so sore, how many times had I vomited in the past three hours since returning home? Honestly I couldn't even count that high.

Thank god Jade had stayed over every time I shot up she was right beside me holding a bucket while Sam held back my hair.

The night wasn't a total bust I mean Jade and I got to dance even though we were keeping a low profile at school we would occasionally steal kisses or touches and dancing with your best friend is always socially acceptably.

Still we didn't want to raise suspicion so we were still dating and flirting with other people. Which is the only reason I was dancing with Sinjin to make Robbie jealous and maybe make Freddie see what he was missing.

He was trying so hard to talk to me tonight and frankly it was exhausting me I wanted nothing to do with that imbecile

Laying in Jade's arms my head on her lap as we lay in bed I was trying to calm down vomiting always left me weak my head pounding so hard I could barely squeeze my eyes shut.

Gently stroking my head I felt my body relax from the tension under her touch she was softly singing to me.

_When I see your face (face, face...)  
There's not a thing that I would change  
'Cause you're amazing (amazing)  
Just the way you are (are)  
And when you smile (smile, smile...)  
The whole world stops and stares for a while  
'Cause, girl, you're amazing (amazing)  
Just the way you are (are).  
Yeah  
_

"_If you tell anyone darling no one will ever believe you after all who's stupid enough to go alone with someone they never met before._

_You wanted this that's what they will say and you know it's true why would you come with me?_

_I don't … I just ..where's Freddie?_

_You said he was here ..why are you undressing me?_

_Shh baby I'm just helping you Freddie's getting ready you want to be prepared right?_

I didn't understand why was he taking off my shirt?

I pushed him hard but I stumbled and he grabbed me throwing me on the bed everything was so blurry I felt sick.

His belt came off I felt it smack me across my bare butt he was on top of me. I was screaming kicking but he was so much stronger than me.

His fingers on his left hand were chocking me as he was pushing himself inside of me I couldn't breathe.

Pain tore through me in so many ways I could hear the gross sounds of him smacking against me as he violated me while his right hand squeezed my breasts painfully his mouth over each of my nipples I was crying inside but I could make no noises on the outside. I was getting lightheaded.

Air forcibly made their way back into my lungs as he took his hand off only to use it to grab my hair and force me into a different position. I tried once again to push him off but he hit me and hit me calling me names and threating me.

_If you tell anyone darling no one will ever believe you after all who's stupid enough to go alone with someone they never met before._

_You wanted this that's what they will say and you know it's true why would you come with me?_

_No...No I don't please stop.._

_Please..Please..Don't hurt me stop please..._

_**"Just The Way You Are" is track #2 on the album Doo - Wops & Hooligans. It was written by Walton, Khalil / Lawrence, Philip / Mars, Bruno / Levine, Ari / Cain, Khari. **_


	43. Chapter 43

**Jade's p o v**

Cat's icy cold screams stopped my heart cold as I sat talking to Sam once Cat had fallen asleep I knew it would be short lived she never sleeps for long not since that night.

God I wanted to kill everyone involved who had contributed to my sweet kitten being hurt but I couldn't cause killing is illegal and I would go to jail and than how was I suppose to help her?

Sam and I sprang over to where the little red head was thrashing around in her bed honestly I had no clue what time it was my head hurt my neck was sore from laying in such an awkward position with her all night.

I didn't care about any of my aches or pain though all I cared about was that sweet innocent abused young girl kicking and screaming trying mercilessly to escape her attacker but she couldn't even in her home he was still hurting her.

_No...No I don't please stop.._

_Please..Please..Don't hurt me stop please..._

_Cat it's okay were here he can't hurt yo_

_No No No please get off of me I don't want this please someone help me!_

Her bed sheets were a mess now her duvet flung off her feet a few feet away from the bed her covers twisted and matted.

Cat's screams always freaked me out they weren't the cute girlie high pitched we were all use to even though we secretly hated it no these were blood curling horror movie screams the ones I practiced in my bedroom cause one day I will be an award winning thriller actresses.

My hands connected with her body big mistake she swung wildly at me Sam grabbed her which only lead to her trying to kick us as she screamed at us to get off of her she was crying now her whole body racked in deep sobs.

My own eyes watered she shouldn't have to go through this she was too young.

_Cat your in your own bed your safe it's not real it's a nightmare Cat listen to me it's Sam._

_Jade and I are here will help you protect you_

_No no get away from me stop please stop!_

_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO_

Suddenly she sprang up like a lion after it's prey her eyes ablaze startled Sam and I both fell back hitting the floor hard as I felt the wind knocked out of me pain jolted up my left arm.

Chiz I think I jammed my elbow the pain was overwhelming.

Suck it up West she needs you.

Pushing myself up with my right I felt a wave of dizziness over take me Sam had to help me up. Now Cat was laying in a fetal position crying.

Sitting gently next to her we slowly took her in our laps she trembled as giant gut wrenching sobs racked her delicate body.

I smelled something and felt a rush of color as I realized what it was during her nightmares her whole body had lost control and she had wet the bed.

She would be horrified so in her daze like state Sam and I made quick work getting her off the bed Sam took the bedding off as I got her to the bathroom and ran the shower.

It was a long night but slowly she started to come around curled up on the couch as Sam cleaned the bed and washed the sheets. I turned on the tv and tried to get her to talk but she was too tired and too drained.

Almost dozing off to sleep I cursed hearing the doorbell damn what time was it?

5 am seriously who was here at this hour? On a Sunday?

Getting up I dragged myself to the door.

Vega? Are you for real?

I was so going to kill her!


	44. Chapter 44

**Jade's p o v**

Seconds before she could knock I flung the door open her face looked shocked as she was mid knock. Why the hell was she here? This damn early at that.

_Oh Jade uh hi I didn't_

_Except to see me here this early? And wow it is early _

_Well surprise Vega here I am so now tell me why am I up this early?_

_I really need to talk to Cat_

_Well Cat is sleeping like most normal people at whatever the chiz time it is_

_I'm so sorry but I just I couldn't sleep I really need to talk to Cat _

_Why Tori so you can steal something else?_

_Cat your up_

_Yea Cat your up_

Cat sat up looking over the back of the couch the thin sheet we had for a blanket covering her chest. Her eyes were red and blotchy her face pale tear stained. Her breathing fast and shallow.

_Cat I am so sorry to wake you but I need to talk this has been eating me up for months_

_Am I suppose to feel sorry for you Tori? Cause I don't_

_You betrayed me you stole my boyfriend don't worry though cause as much as I hate you_

_I hate Freddie even more_

_Well you shouldn't Cat he didn't do anything wrong_

_Really so he didn't screw you?_

Tori's face said it all as Cat stood across from her arms crossed eyes narrowed into Tori's own chocolate ones.

_That's what I thought so basically were done here_

_No Cat were not please you have to listen_

_No Tori I don't have to do anything I don't owe you anything but you owe me plenty_

_You can start with getting out_

_Not till after I say what I came to say_

Cat groaned as she tried to turn away but Tori grabbed her arm. Stepping forward I was inches away from slapping her off when Cat sighed and rolled her eyes.

_Fine will you go away if I hear you out?_

_Yes if you listen to me I swear I will stop bothering you if that's what you still want_

_I'm sure it will be_

_Just say it already_

_Cat it's hard I mean I am so sorry_

_Please Tori I am so sick of hearing how sorry you are_

_For all I care you and Freddie can go into a bush and screw each others brains out I am so done with both of you_

_Don't be_

_Don't be Tori are you kidding me? I can't stand the sight or sound of either of you two lying cheating weasels._

_My best friend and boyfriend playing me for a stupid fool you can both go to hell_

_Freddie didn't do anything wrong _

_So his ants accidentally came down he accidentally fell on you oh I'm sorry fell inside of you over and over and oh-ver _

_Cute Cat _

_No Tori it's sicking and you both make me sick_

_He didn't cheat Cat he thought you had cheated on him_

_What why the hell would he think that?_

_Yea Vega why would he think of that Cat loved him with her whole heart_

_She was ready to give her virginity to him why would he think she cheated?_

_Well Vega speak_

_Cause I told him that you never loved him and that you were just using him out of fear cause there was another boy you wanted and that you were too scared to give yourself to him._

_So you left him to be with this kid we started drinking and things went out of control I was already high I was upset over my parents._

_Excuses Vega don't make wrongs right_

_I know that Jade I know that I feel horrible that I gave Cat the wrong address I never thought it through._

_Seriously Vega you never thought what might happen to a beautiful innocent girl like cat alone in a strange area?_

_No_

_Your even stupider than I thought_

_Nothing happened Cat did it? I mean your fine you called Jade right?_

_No Tori she's not fine_

_Jade stop it's my story and only the people I want to know will know_

_Cat did something happen?_

_You know what Tori your not my friend anymore so please leave_

_Cat I know I hurt you I am so sorry but please if it's any help Freddie dumped me as soon as I told him tonight_

_No Tori it doesn't help can you ple..._

_Oh god_

Cat covered her mouth running to the bathroom Tori looked shocked and worried.

_Is she okay?_

_Does she look okay?_

_Jade please talk to me I know something is wrong something more than Freddie she hasn't been herself in awhile._

_Talk to me please I know I haven't given her any reason to trust me but we both love her we both want her to feel better._

_Do you honestly think she'll ever feel better after what happened to her?_

_What happened Jade that's what I don't get_

_You want to know what happened?_

_Yes Jade please_

_Fine I'll tell you what happened_

_Jade no.._

Tori reached for Cat racing to her as she came out the sudden movement scared her as she screamed jumping back.

Tori's eyes went wide.

Cat fell back. Eyes wide as she screamed at Tori.

_No don't hurt me_


	45. Chapter 45

**Cat's p o v**

**A/N Explicit scenes for mature readers only]**

The swish of the hand motion was all it took to make me flash back. I saw him grabbing me as I tried to run pulling me mid air slamming me down on the chair. I was naked and shivering as I screamed but he didn't care he pulled my hair and forced me to sit on the chair pushing my knees over my head as he brutally entered me. I was crying shaking as the force of him slamming inside of me over and over again caused my whole body to scream in pain. I couldn't breathe the force was so strong the walls shock I thought the chair would break.

_Oh god Please no_

_Stop!_

He didn't though no matter how hard I begged him to he kept on hurting me my cries were insufficient.

Dragging me by the hair slamming me onto the floor using his belt against my bare skin yelling insults screaming at me telling me I was a bad girl I wanted this I came looking for this.

Every time I cried he just slapped me harder spitting on me raping me over and over and over in every position.

_Cat I'm sorry Cat_

I heard her voice but I couldn't break free I was trapped I couldn't breathe.

The pain was so intensifying. I was chocking feeling like I would black out.

_Call 911 I don't know what is wrong with her_

_Jade why isn't she responding?_

Who was yelling? Why were they calling 911? Who needed help? Why wasn't someone coming for me? Did I matter that little?

_Cat Cat were right here come back to us_

I was here couldn't they see me? Didn't they hear me? I was screaming for them whoever they were. I needed help why weren't they helping me? Where was their attention at? I needed them.

_Cat your safe your here with us_

_He won't hurt you_

_Cat Cat damn it Cat come back to me_

"_You like it bad kitty don't you?_

_See this is what happens to bad girls who wander away from home looking for trouble_

_You like being a bad bitch don't you?_

Flesh met Flesh as his hands slapped me all over he pulled me up by my ears pain shooting through my whole body I gasped.

_Your going to thank me Cat_

THANK HIM! THANK HIM! Was he serious? I wanted to die I just wanted to die why the hell would I thank him for making me feel so worthless so dirty so ashamed?

My jaw felt like it was being ripped apart he shoved himself inside my mouth slamming me against the cabinet his body pushed against mine I could smell the sweat dripping off his chest.

The smell was making me sick.

His grunts disgusted me his hands were all over me. I couldn't take it why didn't god just strike me down now? Why the hell would he make me live through this humiliation this agonizing pain?

I was screaming thrown on the floor curled up in a ball crying shaking.

Fingers entered me I was laying vertical on the bed his hands his mouth they were all over me why wouldn't he stop? Why wouldn't he leave me alone?

I was screaming he was laughing entering me harder and harder each time.

The door opened help was here thank god! Maybe I wouldn't die! Maybe god heard my cries maybe he was answering me.

_Please help me!_

_Please help me!_

_Save me please_

Laughter why was my savior laughing?

My eyes were blurry my head spinning but I saw him.

He was younger than Bryce about my age but he looked like Bryce in every way both built both around 5'9 130 to 150 lbs.

Both had short brown hair Bryce's was spiked and gelled up with blond highlights this kid's was to his shoulders. They had brown eyes that were sadistic in their twisted games.

He wasn't here to save me..He was naked he was here to help himself just like Bryce my screams died in my throat my tears clogged me.

_Look what I nailed here Xenon _

His grin made me sick my throat was dry from screaming bleeding with a harsh burn.

He crawled on the bed why did he look familiar? His fingers squeezed my breasts he was inside my mouth I didn't fight anymore what was the point?

When would this end? Why didn't they just kill me already?

Bryce pulled me up so I was on my knees he was under me Xenon was inside of me behind me fire tore through me.

Everything was getting blurrier and blurrier every time he slipped he ripped me open further reentering me his laughter rung out as he slapped me.

Their hands were all over me I couldn't take it anymore my lungs burned my throat was bleeding their grunts their groans their laughter they all rose as my pride my shame my dignity and my innocence all died.

Wetness filled me as they high fived.

Was this the end finally? Could I die now?

_Cat..Cat come back to me.._

My eyes started clearing bright lights filled my eyes where was I?

_That's it baby gurl come back to me please baby were right here Cat_

Who's here? Where am I? Slowly I adjusted my head resting on someone's chest my eyes scanned long slender body black hair with purple highlights.

Jade I was in Jade's arms I was safe.

Slowly she pulled me up I heard her groan was I that heavy? My arm laid on her shoulder as my eyes took in the other girl before me.

Tori Vega

Why was she here again? She already stole my boyfriend what was left to steal?

Pride

Dignity

Virginity

Shame

Gone already there was nothing left I had nothing to give.

_Cat please can we talk?_

She reached again instinct took over I jumped back.

Sam's voice rung out I lifted my heavy head up just in time to see Sam's fist connect with Tori's face.

_Can't you hear her? She said leave her alone!_

_What's wrong with you? _

_Never grab a rape Victim it only scares them they relieve it all over again_

Tori's gasp was enough to wake me up her eyes as she processed what Sam had just blurted out she stepped back staring at me there it was again folks Pity god I fucking hate pity.

_Never grab a rape Victim _

Victim I was a victim the word was as dirty as the act.

No No Cat Valentine is no one's victim.

Starting now I was going to fight back I was going to win.

_Tori wait_

The roles were reversed I tried to reach out to her and she jumped back fleeing from the apartment I stepped forward. I had to talk to her.

_Cat! Cat! Cat!_

Blackness called me I answered.


	46. Chapter 46

**Tori's p o v**

_Andre! Andre!_

I couldn't breathe tears were falling down my face as I pounded on Andre's apartment door I know it was late/early but after what I heard. I had to tell someone I had to talk to someone.

_Tori what the heck is wrong?_

Andre flung the door open breathlessly his face sweaty and red. The little strength I had in my legs wore out as I felt them buckle seeing his face. His surprise grunt didn't stop him from catching me as I fell forward.

Dragging me inside he pretty much tossed me on to the couch like a limp rag doll.

Dizziness slowly started to lift as he pressed a cool cloth against my face and gave me a glass of water.

_Alright what's going on?_

Twenty minutes later he sat as shocked and stiff as I was wordlessly he hugged me.

_What are we suppose to do?_

_Is there anything we can do really?_

_I don't know that's why I came to you I am so angry god I did this to her_

_No you didn't Tori _

_Yea Yea I did Andre if I hadn't done what I did she wouldn't of been lost _

_Tru chiz but you didn't make her go with that man Cat was naïve and she trusted the wrong person_

_So it's Cat's fault is what your saying_

_No no it's the man who did this he is the one who's at fault_

_If she hadn't of been lost she would of never of been hurt_

_She was lost because of me Andre I am the reason Cat got hurt_

Everything hit me as I started crying uncontrollably, Andre put his arms around me holding me as I cried and cried.

_No two flames will burn the same  
Together they ignite_

We're not here to play your games  
We're here to make it right

Yeah we understand  
And we're not afraid to fight

Now you know our plan  
We're takin' over tonight!

Cause' we're all in this together  
And we're never backin' down

Now things are gettin' better  
Cause' we're turning this around

Yeah, we're all in this together  
Even if your far from home

Nothing else will even matter  
Cause' you'll never be  
You'll never be alone! 

Andre's voice rung out as I lifted my head up.

_I really don't have the words Tori it's not for me to say I think we just have to stick together _

_I'm calling Beck and Robbie_

_Do you want to go shower while I call?_

_Yea that sounds great _

My body was sheerly exhausted as I leaned against the wall letting the warm water wash over my tired aching bones and muscles.

_ANDRE THERES AN ALIEN IN THE SHOWER!_

_AH!_

His grandmother's screams tore through me as I jumped slipping on the water falling. I heard footsteps running in as his grandmother ran out yelling.

_ANDRE THERE'S AN ALIEN IN THE SHOWER_

_Grandma that's Tori not an alien_

_DON'T SASS ME BOY I KNOW AN ALIEN WHEN I SEE ONE_

_I'LL GET THE ALIEN REPELLENT YOU TACKLE IT!_

_I'm not tackling anything grandma Tori are you okay?_

_No not really_

I picked myself up as Andre carefully peaked in blushing he covered his eyes handing me a towel thankfully I was done showering.

_Sorry I forgot to warn you she's a little crazy today_

_A little she thinks I'm an alien!_

_Well that's not too far off girls are pretty strange species_

_Hey! Not funny!_

_Want some food babe?_

_No my stomach is still turning _

_Tori will figure this out please calm down_

_ANDRE THE ALIENS ARE AT THE DOOR_

_THEIR BANGING! AHHHHHH!_

Sighing Andre hugged me and went to get the door as I got dressed and dried my hair in record time.

Beck and Trina's expression were shocked and they looked like they were going to cry, Robbie did cry openly I went over and wrapped my arms around him as his body was racked in sobs.

_My sweet innocent beautiful sweet Catrina how could someone hurt _

_Someone so precious so so why? Why Cat?_

_Why would god let this happen? He's suppose to protect her_

_I know Robbie we all know were all asking the same question _

_That's why we have to work together and help her get through this_

_I don't know the details but she's traumatized so is Jade she's been dealing with this alone_

_That's too much for one person to handle they both need their friends so we need to keep this between us._

_We just need to be there for them we can't push her we just have to let her know were here_

_Tori's right so what do you say Trina, Robbie, Andre we all stay by them they won't be alone at all_

_One or two of us will be by them constantly_

_Sounds tight Beck_

_Tori why don't we go home dad will be able to give us some advice he's a cop after all_

_Is Cat pressing charges?_

_I have no idea Robbie_

_She needs to_

_That's not up to us she needs to make that call and we can't force our views on her_

_Tori's right Robbie it's her body her volition her choice_

Yawing I let Trina pull me up as she grabbed her purse. Andre, Beck and Robbie and I hugged as Trina put her arms around me laying my head on her shoulder I closed my eyes trusting she'd lead me out.

Inside her car which I always liked she has a little red Beetle and it's adorable Trina broke down once again I wrapped my arms around someone else as they bawled. Guilt washed over me in huge clumps.

We found our dad at his office as usual he was hardly ever home anymore.

The LAPD was swarming with people criminals being lead in and out lawyers, officers, office workers, delivery people, paralegals.

Dad's secretary rushed us inside.

_Well hello girls what can I do for you?_

_What a lovely surprise _

_Thanks dad sorry we couldn't bring you food but were here on personal business_

_What's going on?_

I spilled the details he shock his head shedding a few tears.

_Sweet Cat she is so precious _

_You know I can't reveal personal information_

_Yea we know we just hoped maybe you could check to see if it was reported_

_Even that's confident but I will check it out_

He was gone for a little while when he came back he had a thick file with him.

_What I am going to tell you is to never leave this office_

_Understood girls?_

_Yes dad_

_Cat did go to the hospital right after the assault she was checked out _

_The doctors collected enough evidence to get a match _

_Cat gave as much detail as she could remember but she was pretty fuzzy and drugged_

_We have learned his name his address but she doesn't want to presume the arrest yet _

_Why not he can't get away with this!_

_Tori it's like you told Robbie it's her choice_

_Tori sweetie I know this is hard but you have to respect her rape is very traumatizing _

_She may feel it's too much for her to handle right now_

_Right now the best you can do for her is take care of yourself and just be there for her_

_Think you can do that?_

_I don't know dad so far I'm screwing up left and right_

_Sweetheart your mom and I raised two strong beautiful independent ladies I know you can do this_

_Whatever is happening at home it's not your fault and you can not blame yourself you can't blame mom_

_She is always going to be your only mom and you need her let us work out our problems_

_Let Cat work out what she needs to and when we need your help we will ask_

_So I'm useless_

_No babe your precious to me to your mom your sister and your friends_

_Now go home kiss your mom and get some food and sleep_

_I'll be home later_

_I'll stop by Cat's later and check on her if it makes you feel better_

_Yes thanks Dad_

_Your welcome. _

Trina and I lay in bed that night praying like we haven't done since we were kids.

I can't believe how royally I screwed up Cat wouldn't talk to me Freddie hated me, I saw the look of blame and disgust in Robbie's eyes looking at me, even Beck looked at me with pity.

Would I ever gain my friends trust again earn their respect?

Did I even deserve it? After all the pain I had caused.

**Lyrics by ****Niki Watkins **


	47. Chapter 47

**Jade's p o v**

**Missing**

_In my darkest days you were there for me_

_Who will be there now?_

_My days are getting numbered I feel them in my sleep_

_I dream of it sweet sweet release_

_No one will cry when the queen of ice meets her destiny_

_It's my destiny a long cold sleep_

_Does it make it hurt any less?_

_Please forgive me these thoughts these fantasies twisted as they seem_

_Their my only sanity maybe something is wrong with me _

_Maybe I am not as normal as people would please_

_Does this make me worthless?_

_If I bleed I bleed because I know the truth the truth of what I am_

_I am more than this world can handle_

_Am I missing something Or is society _

_Who are you to tell me what I can or can not be?_

_Who are you to judge me?_

_I will not ask for forgiveness I will not show you any mercy_

_Am I missing humanity? Am I a cold hearted bitch?_

_The truth is never one sided as it seems_

_I am the sacrifice I knew it all along I die by the demands placed on me_

_Will anybody miss me when I am gone?_

_Will I rot in my grave? Will my tears mean anything?_

_Am I that insufficient does It mean nothing at all when I bleed?_

_When I cry myself to sleep just to dream of a world where I can live as who I was born to be_

_Why am I always the sacrifice?_

_Doesn't seem right only 16 how much pain can one soul bare?_

_I tried I really did to fit into the standards you wanted for me_

_I'm sorry I am not sorry I can't live up to you in my bitterness I feel no regret_

_I know it's what you except of me but I can't lie I won't deny anymore who I am_

_Who I was born to be_

_My only friend my peace is missing it's become my sacrifice_

_Ignored pushed aside pain burns me alive darkness consumes me _

_Did I cut too deep? Did I cut off my strength?_

_Hate has filled my soul revenge is all is seek_

_No joy only pain will I get better someday?_

_It gets better they chant it but I don't believe it_

_Darker days is all that I see ahead_

_I watched my joy pass away innocence ripped away_

_Gave up her dignity her virginity stolen sickened by the thoughts_

_Who gave them the right to take what wasn't there's to take?_

_Senseless hate gives me a reason to fill my heart with anger and pain_

_Run to me baby when you feel weak I will be your strength hate me if you need to _

_I can take it take it I will take it I will bare your pain_

_Demanding the end of your pain_

_Even as you shine so radiant in this pain I would give anything to take it away_

_No more than a whisper is what you said to me someday you will shout again_

_Will get through each day _

No that last part was crap I needed to change it but the notes just wouldn't come to me maybe if I tried this arrangement. I played another version but still it was useless.

Useless my mind was so cloudy uh it pisses me off but I had no time to deal with it I had to get to class.

_Out of my way!_

I pushed some loser off the step as I peeled around the corner why was everything so complicated?

_Bitch_

Someone muttered as I shoved past her and her high pitched annoying friends as they practiced some cheer in the hallway. 

_Thanks I take that as a compliment_

I screamed back grinning flicking back my hair as I came down the steps to see Robbie, Beck and Cat my beautiful Cat all standing in the middle of the steps looking at the new pear map.

_Hey is that the new pear map your looking at?_

I came to stand next to Beck who grinned at me wait was I still mad at him? Oh who cares? I was too tired to remember or worry about it so I didn't move away as he slipped his right arm over my waist.

Truth was it felt great to have someone care enough to touch me, my shoulders ached. Cat's high pitched sweet baby voice filled the air damn she's so beautiful.

_Hey the asphalt cafe that's where we eat lunch!_

Her eyes filled with wonder as we all watched while Robbie slide his fingers over his touch screen to reveal images of our school on pear map.

It was kind of neat to be able to look up anywhere anyone in the world with this app.

_Yea the pearmap app must of taken the shot a few months ago from space_

Robbie grinned as he explained all this tech stuff to Cat man he really did love his nerdy side.

Cat looked up at the sky as she waved to the celling yelling in her high pitched voice.

_Hi!_

Uh she annoyed me when she did stupid things like that I have been trying so hard to be extra sweet to her after everything she's been through I know she's just trying to be as normal as she can be around our friends. She was sick of their looks of pity and constant questions did she need help with that? Was she okay? Did she need to cry, yell?

Still sometimes she took this stupidity act too far.

_Cat were inside_

I didn't snap I remained calm. Beck's sudden gasp startled me as I was watching her she seemed less pale today her checks were rosy her hair shiny and clipped with two bunny pins.

She was wearing makeup a good sign lately she'd just been throwing on sweatpants and baggy shirts and rolling into school today she took time to care about her appearance again.

Not that she wasn't always beautiful to me but I was glad she was feeling better or at least acting like she was. I hope it wasn't an act.

_Hey is that us_

Dear god Beck don't scare me like that. I stayed cool as I looked to the screen.

Robbie nodded as he replied.

_Gosh that is us_

Looking closer I grinned as I chipped in.

_Oh yea I'm wearing my red boots_

Damn I really loved those boots they made my pale legs look so lean and creamy.

_Can you zoom in tighter on Jade?_

Why did Beck want him to zoom in? Was he missing me? Was I looking extra tasty today? Doubtful wasn't really caring lately how I looked, as exhausted as I was taking care of Cat doing my homework and working weekends plus traveling between all these things. I was lucky if I remembered to pee or comb my hair in the mornings.

Holy chiz the picture made it look like I was picking my nose there goes my reserve to keep my temper under control I freaked.

Running over to Cat who clutched her water bottle

_No body mention this to anyone_

Cat looked down at her bottle like it would save her.

Glaring at all of them I was steaming.

Beck and Robbie quickly responded promising they wouldn't yea they were about to piss from fear.

Turning to Cat she looked at me smiling ditsy like.

_You mean you picking your nose?_

_CAT!_

_I was not picking my nose I was scratching it_

Angrily I stormed off turning back as they laughed.

Could this day get any worse?

Yea Yea it could all day kids were laughing at me pointing at me. I was called to the nurses office. Racing inside scared I knew it had to be Cat but what was wrong?

Nurse Kotter pulled me aside placing her hand on my arm, damn I was tired,

_Sit down Jade I'm waiting for Lane to come down_

_Why? What's wrong with Cat now? Did she have a flashback? Did someone hurt her?_

_No sweetie she got ill in class and when she went to the bathroom she passed out_

_Wait what does that mean is she okay now?_

_She's awake she's drinking water but she's pale and shaky she's thrown up twice_

_Nurse Kotter_

_Lane come on in sorry to pull you out of your iep meeting_

_No it's fine this is more pressing how is she?_

_Not good I'm afraid cat may be pregnant she needs to be seen by a doctor_

_She's what?_

I felt my whole body start to twist my heart squeezed no this can't be happening no no no after all she's been through Cat could not be pregnant.

My own breathing was labored Lane and Nurse Kotter were by me in an instant taking my vitals Lane held my hand as he looked me in the eyes.

_I know this seems unfair and like it can't be handled but we can do this together_

_We can be strong for Cat and help her through this_

_Take a minute breath deeply exhale and keep doing it slowly you'll calm down_

He sat rubbing my back gently. Tears started falling clogging up he placed his arms around me. I felt my body falling into his lap as he remained silent but strong holding me letting me cry.

_Let it out Jade sweetie let it out_

My body was racked with sobs and wails as he ran his hand over my legs and arms my lower back.

Once I was calmed down he took my hand again and spoke to me softly but firmly.

_The worst of it passed the minutes the days after the rape Cat is surviving she's dealing beautifully it's slow it's painful but she's healing._

_She has a long way to go yes we all do but she will get there and this is just one more bumper for us to bulldozer through._

_Your not alone anymore though Jade were all her for you me, Mr. Sikowitz, Principle Helen, Robbie, Beck, Trina, Tori, Andre._

_I'm going to drive Cat to the hospital I want you to talk to Tori and Trina and I will call you when were ready for you to come over._

_For now please go to class and get your assignments in I have talked to your teachers their as worried about you as I am you need to pay attention or your endanger of failing. You need to start to focus on yourself. Let me take care of Cat._

_Lane I should be there_

_No you need to be in class that's non negotiable I will call._

_Can I at least see her?_

_Yes for a minute_

_Has she been told?_

_Not yet just keep it simple _

I nodded and slowly got up feeling myself shake. Lane squeezing my hand gave the strength to put one foot in front of the other.

She laid on the bed on her right side so pale not moving just clutching the pillow her eyes closed she looked sweaty. I didn't want to disturb her so I sat quietly placing my hand on her side.

_I love you babe I'm so sorry Lane won't let me go with you_

_I promise will all be there for you as soon as he calls_

_Stay strong sweetheart I love you I am so proud of you _

She either stayed asleep or pretended to I wasn't sure which but either way it broke my heart. It took everything in me not to break down.

Racing out I barely made it into the janitors closet before I broke down.


	48. Chapter 48

**Tori's p o v**

With my head laying on my mom's lap I couldn't help but wonder who she was texting and giggling at as she told me to read my book. Was that code for something?

Stop it Tori just stop it learn your damn lesson.

_Where did you get it Trina?_

I shouldn't ask but she was holding up a first place trophy and everyone knows she sucks at everything.

Her answer was no surprise yet I was still blown away by how self centered and delusional she was at times.

Mom and I looked at each other and shock our heads. She was beautiful my mom and I loved having her pet me like I was her cat it made me remember all the times as a kid when I was sick and she would lay with me stroking my head and face.

Ding Dong!

_Someone get that!_

Trina yelled as she went up the steps clutching her fake trophy

Opening the door I smiled seeing Andre who asked to stay over for the night cause his grandma was driving him insane and he couldn't focus on writing his song for Kojeezy one of the hottest record producers who was coming to hear a select group of us preform at school this week.

Mom invited him in and made us some hot coco.

_How's your song coming along Tori?_

_Uh I haven't even started it I am so swamped with this math homework I'm screwed if I don't get a 95 or better I'll fail math._

_Oh Chiz I didn't know you were that deep_

_Yea I didn't either I guess this will teach me to put boys ahead of school_

_Yea it should honey school is the most important focus that you need to be worried about_

_Yes mother!_

The pounding on my door almost scared all of us to death, who the heck could that be? Why so demanding to?

_Would somebody het that please? I'm trying to find a place for my trophy!_

_Trophy? Trina got an award?_

_No Andre don't ask darlin_

_okay maybe I won't Mrs. Vega_

_Honey get that door it's probably for you anyway_

Sighing I got up and went to get it.

_Jade?_

_I'm sorry I know it's late but I..._

Jade was bawling full out tears shaking makeup ruining her pale face Mom and Andre quickly ran over to us as she came in dropping her heavy school bag. Had she even gone home?

Dropping to my knees as she fell on the couch crying clutching her stomach I took her hands which were shaking.

_Jade what's going on? Why are you so upset?_

_Everything is falling apart I can't control anything_

_What are you talking about sweetie?_

My mom was very gentle with her I had never seen her like this in the three years I knew her Jade West never once cried in front of me.

_Everything my whole life!_

_My mom and I the fights are so bad I can't take it anymore I left _

_Left! Like you walked out and your running away?_

_Not running away I'm moving in with Cat but she's threating to report me as a runaway_

_I can't take her anymore she's always in my stuff she reads my private journals she goes on my computer she calls my friends she doesn't respect how I dress. She's constantly putting me down I'll never live up to my brother._

_Every night were fighting cause I'm staying with Cat she doesn't approve of me being gay she told me I'm going to burn in hell she says I'm a disgrace._

_I'm failing all my classes if I don't get straight A's from here on and 95 + on every exam I'll never pass this year and I just can't there's no way I can't keep focused on anything Cat is so hurt she takes all my attention .._

We hugged her as she kept crying.

_I need help I can't do this alone_

_Your not alone Jade Tori and I are here for you_

_Yea Trina and I will tutor you in all the school work_

_Andre can help you with the music Beck can help you with the acting_

_Will make sure you pass_

_It's not going to happen_

_Jade you can't think like that _

_It's going to get worse _

_No Jade that's your own mind_

_No it's the truth were barely doing before_

_Before what Jade?_

_Before today_

_Exactly and now you'll get help _

_It won't be enough it was hard enough with just two of us_

_Now there's going to be three_

_Three No there's six of us me you Andre, Robbie.._

_No Three Me, Cat and Cat's baby_

_Cat's pregnant_


	49. Chapter 49

**Tori's p o v**

_Wake up!_

_Ah!_

Ow...Ow..and Ow how did I end up on the floor in the school's most busiest halls?

_What happened? Was I sleeping?_

Ow my ear was ringing my head hurt and I was disoriented Jade's smile as I looked up at her seemed sadistic why was she twirling a whistle?

_You were_

_Did I hear a loud whistle?_

She slipped something into her purse her voice slipped a little higher.

_No you probably just dreamed it_

_So why were you sleeping on the stairs?_

Getting up slowly proved more difficult than one would imagine.

_Cause Andre stayed over at my house last night and he was laying the piano till four in the morning_

Jade walked away from me going to her locker well that was rude Jade.

_Hey I wasn't done talking_

Her smile let me know she could care less as she opened her locker.

_Yea but I was done listening _

So rude I walked away as I heard some kids going up to her teasing her about that picture good for her. She's so evil sometimes. Ow my back was hurting limping away I headed to my next class.

This is what I get for helping people I let her and Andre sleep over my house just so he can keep the whole family up at night with his constant piano playing, no matter what I did I couldn't get to sleep.

Trying to write was even harder how could Jade sleep through this? Uh how was Andre staying awake? I listened to Jade when she bawled last night and yet she can't even hear me out for one minute?

Typical Jade. Bang...

Why was the celling so far up? Why was the room spinning?

_Watch where your going!_

Who the heck? Why are people so rude?

Sighing once again I helped myself off the floor I was so ready to pound someone.

_Look buddy I'm sorry I crashed into you but_

_Sorry seems to be your favorite word but after so many lies sorry becomes just another empty word_

Freddie was looking down at me I felt all the life leave me his eyes were cold and held such hate for me.

_Seriously Freddie is this how it's going to be every time we run into each other?_

_I prefer it if I would never see you again Tori but since the odds are impossible for that to happen _

_So yes if I see you I would rather you not to talk to me _

_I mean since every word you ever squawk is nothing but a frigging lie formated to fit your twisted version of reality._

Every word he threw at me dug deeper into me. I could feel the tears forming.

_I have never met someone so _

_Hey!_

My embarrassment was nothing compared to the frustration and guilt over whelming me, I couldn't bring myself to look up as I heard Robbie and Beck approach behind me.

_Look we get it Tori messed up But you weren't innocent either_

_Being hurt doesn't give you any right to tear someone else down _

_Tori's is one of the sweetest girls I have ever known _

_Be a man Freddie don't take your frustrations out on a girl_

_Don't tell me how to be a man I know what it takes to be a man_

_Than act like it let's go Tori you don't have to listen to this chiz_

Beck was face to face with Freddie as Robbie took my hand and lead me away tears threating to fall.

_Class Class settle down we will be dismissing in a matter of moments but before we go I have one last assignment for you all._

_Starting next week we will be entering the third semester of this year and all of you returning students know what that means._

Groans filled the air as I rolled my eyes.

The whole class groaned out their answers.

_Final projects are due_

Mrs. Yonders clapped excitedly as she raised her hands crying out in an evil laugh.

_Yes Yes it is what a glorious time! When all the saints queens and Villains come alive!_

Normally I would be giggling she always makes me laugh her enthusiasm makes me feel excited to learn but today all I wanted was to get out of there the day had gone form bad to worse.

_In the true spirit of acting history I want you to get back to the origins of acting_

_First a few questions for all you thespians_

_Who can tell me who is the founder of theater? _

Normally I would be eager to answer anything but with all the drama with Cat and Jade and Andre being up all night, plus trying to write my song for Kojeezy I hadn't had time to study.

She had at least six kids with their hands raised Beck, Cat, Freddie were some of them so who does she call on?

_Tori_

I couldn't stop the groan as I searched for the answer at the tip of my tongue.

_Tori doesn't know the answer Mrs. Yonders she couldn't be bothered to study but I know it_

_Well of course you do Jade well since Tori doesn't take her studies seriously feel free to answer_

_Aristotle, the Greek philosopher _

_Next question what was his definition of the acting?_

_T__he right management of the voice to express various emotions _

_Great Jade_

_Can anybody tell me what he viewed acting as?_

_Anybody beside Jade_

_Beck yes thank you_

_Aristotle declared Acting as natural talent that was innate and could not be taught. _

_Exactly however I do not agree I believe true thespians can always learn about their craft the ones who learn are the ones who prosper when those too ingrate to learn are left flapping like kites without strings. _

_Even the most talented of actors can learn so the partners for this projects will be based on experience levels here at Hollywood Arts now some may have more than two people. _

Great watch me get paired with Jade.

Closing my eyes I tried to keep myself calm my head was pounding.

_Tori since you are one of the most talented students you will be paired with one of our new students_

_Tori Vega and Fredward Benson_

_Robbie And Sinjin _

_Jade and Beck_

_Cat and Andre_

_Yay were partners!_

Oh why me!

_Mrs. Yonders _

_Yes Freddie?_

_I need another partner_

_Why son?_

_Cause the bases of any true relationship is trust and Tori has already proven she's untrustworthy and a lying hoe._

_Language Freddie and request denied whatever personal issues you have with Miss. Vega you will have to put aside because this is your assignment and what are assignments class?_

The whole class called out.

_A students Job _

_And what are jobs?_

_Responsibilities given to us to prepare us for the real world_

_Exactly now I except all of you to take this serious as this will be part of your final grade _

_Your grade is up to you do the work and do it well and you will score well flack off and you'll miss the mark._

_Remember you don't get the grades you don't make it here at Hollywood Arts_

_Good Luck and_

Ding...

_Parting in such sweet sorrow till it be morrow _

Oh dear god I am doomed.


	50. Chapter 50

**Tori p o v**

_That's the deal take it or take it!_

I can't believe I screamed at Andre but everyone has their breaking points. I know I hurt him but I was so tired and so stressed out I just lost it.

Worst yet I couldn't even manage to do my song Kojeezy hated butterflies which killed any chance I had of doing my song.

Than I somehow did Andre's riff which just pissed him off even more.

God I can't stand it everyone is pissed at me.

All night Andre and I worked on creating a song together yet another night of no sleep school was pure hell. I was dragging so bad I could barely keep my eyes open.

_You look awful Tori_

_I know Beck I know I feel it!_

_Well maybe you should try getting some sleep_

_Well that's a brilliant idea I never thought of that one by myself_

Cat's innocence as she batted her eyelashes while she asked this next question drove me to insanity.

_Well why not that seems logical _

_AH!_

I stormed off as cute and pretty as she was she drove me nuts sometimes.

All day I struggled to get through each class.

_I hate that baby!_

_Babies are chizzy Tori _

All my frustrations poured out as I cried into Andre's chest.

AS if that night wasn't bad enough than I had to meet up with Freddie to work on our project which I didn't even know what it was yet since I hadn't had a moment to read the paper she gave us on the way out.

_Thanks for the ride Andre_

_Sure no chiz Tori you think you'll be okay?_

_Yea I'm good I'll catch the bus home no need to hang around_

_If you need anything call me Tori _

_I will thanks Andre_

Getting out of his car I dragged myself inside the pizza parole which was packed good a public place.

I was so nervous he hated me and I was full of shame how can this end in any way but horrible?

Ordering a soda I waited not seeing him yet.

_I love this song_

I turned to see him standing there wearing his tight Grey jeans a faded blue guess jeans tee and a Grey hoodie.

_I never heard it what is it?_

_It's called Amnesia by 5 seconds of summer_

_Sounds cool I didn't know you were into that band Freddie _

_There's plenty you didn't know about me_

_True there's a lot you didn't know about me either_

_Fair enough look we have to work together we both want to pass so let's just call a truce_

He held out his hand swallowing my nerves I took it and shook

We ordered a few slices and a pitcher of soda and went to find a seat.

_So what is this have you looked yet?_

_No I forgot about it till you left that note today _

_Okay so the outline says this_

**_Subtext_**

_Project — Working with either scenes or monologues, ask the students to consider multiple subtextual analyses for their characters. Each student will perform her/his monologue/scene twice, applying two different subtexts to the same character. (For example, Oberon's speech (2.2.33-40) from a Midsummer Night's Dream can be read with different subtexts: one with revenge in mind; the other with the idea that it's going to be a very funny joke.) Assessment — Two performances of a monologue/scene with different subtext. _

_Sounds complicated Tori I'm still so lost in some of this thespian speak can you explain it to me please?_

_This sounds pretty cool so the first thing we need to do is to take a play/ musical or movie and chose a few scenes that we have to re-due in two different styles._

_You know what a monologue is right?_

_Yes_

_Do you know what subtextual means?_

_Yes the underlying or implicit meaning, as of a literary work._

_1._

_an underlying theme in a piece of writing _

_2. _

_a message which is not stated directly but can be inferred _

_Yes so our first thing to do is pick a musical/lay or movie_

_Should it be comedy?_

_No I'm thinking drama it's easier to make drama funny _

_Harder to take something meant to be funny and turn it into something powerful and tear jerking_

_Okay so lets throw in some ideas_

The pizza came and as we both reached for a slice our hands brushed I felt myself blushing I missed his touch. Freddie pulled away and let me get mine first.

After an hour of tossing around ideas and trying to figure out how to work with each of them I was ready to quit my shoulders ached but he was determined to not end this session till we had a piece picked out.

_Sleepless in Seattle_

_Over used man_

_Uh your so frustrating Tori no matter what I say you disagree_

_Not true look I'm sorry but I am tired sore and have a long ride home_

_Plus we need to make this count_

_Every idea I throw out there you say no to_

_Well you said you wanted me to help us get a A+ _

_Yea but when did you start saying no it was never a word you used before_

_You know what Freddie I don't need to be insulted if you can't at least act like you care about our project than I'll go higher than Mrs. Yonders and get reassigned._

I was pissed getting up throwing down money and storming off.


	51. Chapter 51

**Freddie's p o v**

_I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted  
I thought about our last kiss, how it felt the way you tasted  
And even though your friends tell me you're doing fine  
_

Res just kept looking at me as we drove past the old abounded ferris wheel that hasn't been used in years and was just stored in an old unit it's been years since anyone's even looked at any of the junk in this place.

Just right of Santa Monica Blvd millions of people pass it every year but no one ever glances over there.

It was perfect for Tori and I it offered us shelter from the cold harsh weather and gave us privacy. I remember the day we discovered it like it was yesterday.

We had been on the boardwalk she had sneaked us some beer and tequila we had been playing games and man did we suck when we were drunk.

One vendor had gotten so mad he chased us out with a broom screaming at us in Spanish, I remember the feel of her hands inside mine as we ran laughing.

We were laughing so hard as people were yelling at us stumbling being chased by the cops we had jumped off the boardwalk and just kept running on the hot sand.

Tori was laughing so hard she had to stop and pee in the middle of the chase.

Course she was too shy to do it publicly so we found the nearest place an abounded storage shed that the fair uses.

We were so exhausted that after she was done we wandered inside hoping to find a place to chill out and we found a mattress it looked new even though she was a bit grossed out by it we laid down.

We started laughing all over again and she looked so beautiful crying we started kissing, one thing lead to another and we had sex.

Res shock his head as we drove past school the last place I had kissed her under the bleachers while we were skipping class.

Her lips were so sweet. I touched mine wishing I could taste her on them now.

_Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he's right beside you?  
When he says those words that hurt you, do you read the ones I wrote you?_

Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie?  
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?  


I know she hadn't moved on I see her everyday I know she feel like shit but shouldn't she?

It was her fault after all.

Why didn't it make me feel better knowing she was hurting?

Was it all a lie? Did Tori ever care for me? Was I just a pawn? A tool she used to get through her parents fighting? Was I just a good time when she was high or drunk?

Did she mean it when she said she loved me?

_I remember the day you told me you were leaving  
I remember the make-up running down your face  
And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them  
Like every single wish we ever made  
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia  
And forget about the stupid little things  
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you  
And the memories I never can escape_

'Cause I'm not fine at all 

She might as well said she was leaving cause when she told me she lied it was like everything I knew about her just up and left me.

I still she her standing before me begging me to forgive her makeup running down her face snot coming from her nose.

_The pictures that you sent me they're still living in my phone  
I'll admit I like to see them, I'll admit I feel alone  
And all my friends keep asking why I'm not around_

It hurts to know you're happy, yeah, it hurts that you've moved on  
It's hard to hear your name when I haven't seen you in so long

It's like we never happened, was it just a lie?  
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?

'Cause I'm not fine at all 

My smile must have been a mile wide as I looked at all these sexy pictures of her on my phone she loved to pose seductively for me I mean it was never slutty always tasteful but damn she knew how to work that banging body.

I feel alone now Cat hates me I can't blame her I treated her like garbage her friends all sided with her, Res is the only one I can talk to and he's cool and all but I feel him pulling away I don't know why.

Res's coughing fit brought me back to the present he looked pale but he was smiling damn I forget sometimes.

_Freddie dude you are pathetic you love her you miss her talk to her_

_I can't after what she did how could I look at her trust her?_

_She said she was sorry maybe she really is who are you to condemn her judge her ?_

_No one is perfect but we all live we all make mistakes and mistakes help us grow don't you think she's beating herself up enough?_

_Cat was her friend first and she ruined that friendship_

_Let her live her life Freddie you don't like when people judge you by your past mistakes_

_Don't judge her give her a chance you like her I can see it_

_Life's short Freddie none of us know how long we have left don't waste it by living in anger and regret_

_I don't think Cat would like it_

_How do you know? Have you talked to her?_

_No_

_Maybe you should before you rush into excuses_

_Life's short just remember that were lucky if we get more than one chance don't fuck it up_

_If today I woke up with you right beside me  
Like all of this was just some twisted dream  
I'd hold you closer than I ever did before  
And you'd never slip away  
And you'd never hear me say  
_

_'Cause I'm not fine at all  
No, I'm really not fine at all  
Tell me this is just a dream  
'Cause I'm really not fine at all _

**Lyrics ****Writer(s): Louis Biancaniello **


	52. Chapter 52

**Tori's p o v**

_Yea it's going to be the next hottest game show for teens and kids_

_We have to be on it!_

_I don't talk like that Jade!_

_Why are you so hateful and bitter?_

_I had a car battery dropped on my head!_

_Why do you think I am a little bitter_

_Aw Jadey does it hurt?_

_No Cat it feels wonderful_

_Man you are testy I was just going to kiss it and make you feel better_

_Oh sorry that would make me feel better_

_Good now you can imagine what my kisses would feel like trailing down your face and over your boo-boo_

_Cat!_

_What? Next time don't be so quick to jump on everyone_

_See who says Cat is dumb?_

_Yea Robbie who says that? _

_I don't know I mean I never did_

_You better not_

Cat sat with Jade on the floor behind the scenes of this stupid game show I had gotten us all into which has turned out to be a nightmare.

Jade's head was laying in Cat's lap not looking too good blood was coming from her head and she was dizzy and pale.

_Thanks for filling in Freddie _

_Yea no problem Tori thanks for asking me_

Freddie was blushing as I sighed trying to soak up the blood coming from Jade's head.

_This is insane_

_Yea what's more insane the game or us staying in the game?_

_I say we just pack it up and leave while were still lucky enough to have all our body parts_

_They dropped nuts and bolts on me this is barbaric!_

Trina cried out Beck grunted.

_They whacked me in the stomach with a bowling ball_

_Dude I think I still win Battery on my head!_

_Thank you for that by the way Beck_

_I'm sorry I didn't know they were going to _

_Oh so you just thought hey why not suggest dropping a car battery on your ex girlfriends head_

_Yea cause that's normal thinking_

_Guys stop fighting please my tummy doesn't feel so well_

_Cat what's wrong?_

_I don't know but I don't feel so well_

Jade sat up a little too fast almost passing out.

Cat looked pale and tired feeling her forehead I breathed out she didn't have a fever. Pulling her aside so no one else could hear I talked to her softly.

_Your probably stressing yourself out cheering and worrying why don't you lay down_

_But I'm worried these game is brutal Tori_

_I know sweetie that's why I had Freddie fill in for you as soon as we got the first donk your pregnant babe we need to protect this baby._

_Alright but I don't like it Freddie shouldn't be here _

_Well he is and we can be nice to him_

_He wasn't very nice to me Tori _

_I know babe but two wrongs don't make a right._

_Yes Mother_

I helped Cat over to the bleachers wrapping a blanket around her Res and several of our friends took care of her.

_What state is a series of tropical islands and known as the aloha state?_

Last question please Freddie get this the host looked at him and he grinned dang he was cute his floppy hair in his face those dimples, the way his eyes gleamed.

_Well that's easy Hawaii_

My Whole team cheered as we hugged and highfived Jade, Andre, Beck and Sinjin all grunted groaning.

Yes Tori Vega just won $5,000 come over to momma. What was this strange host dude saying?

_Stay right here_

_Okay_

Oh wait why are these guys holding me on the floor? I wiggled and I struggled damn I couldn't breathe.

Cat was screaming why was she screaming? I was the one pinned down on the disgusting sweaty dirty ground.

I felt my breath being sucked out this dude hadn't showered in weeks gross my neck was hurting I just couldn't break free.

Air rushed into my lungs as I heard people gasping and screaming, I was dizzy as I looked up to see Cat standing there holding a metal pole hitting the guy people were panicking, I felt like I was flying what was happening?

Looking up as I felt a pair of arms pull me up and lift me I was shocked to see Freddie carrying me as Beck picked up Cat.

Hours later we were all in the jacuzzi except Cat who was still fully clothed laying on a lawn chair she was so self conscious with her body.

Dad had served us all ice cold waters and we were trying to recoup.

I saw Freddie watching Cat and his eyes said it all.

_Go talk to her dude it can't hurt at least you'll get it off your chest._

_You think so Tori?_

_Yea _

_Thanks_

I was shocked when he hugged me I saw her glance over at us from where she was by herself looking so lonely.

She didn't look pleased to see us hugging great now she'd have something else to hate me for.


	53. Chapter 53

**Cat's p o v**

I knew he had been watching Tori and I for awhile I knew this moment would come when I would have to tell him the truth but I was so scared what if he thought I was too blame?

It was my fault for being so stupid as to go off on my own for not calling someone who I knew for trusting a complete stranger. Even if he seemed so nice and compassionate he was a stranger god I am so dumb.

It's my fault no one else except him still it Didn't mean I deserved it. Why wasn't he saying something?

He swore he was sorry and he cared for me he wanted to make it right.

Was he telling the truth or just trying to get me to forgive him so we would work together on this project.

I know how serious he takes school.

My mind was reeling with questions as I stared into his face trying to read his eyes his expression.

_Do I matter to you? Do I matter enough that when you hear this story you will be furious on my behalf? Do you value me enough that this story will hurt you?_

His eyes were so confused but his silence and his jumping back were telling me all I needed to hear.

_You don't matter enough to make me fight my own paralysis and confusion and fear. You are not worth defending. You are not worth standing up for._

The dawn of it broke me why was I that unimportant to him? I thought we had something special I thought I meant something to him.

Get angry Freddie. Cry Damn it. Tell me how sorry you are, how heartbroken, how devastated. Tell me that I didn't deserve it. Tell me it wasn't my fault. Tell me you love me it doesn't have to be in the bf/gf way just in a I love you as a friend way. Tell me that my pain means something. Tell me how much I matter.

Frigging tell me something don't just stand there like a lost puppy dog that was brutally attacked by a bulldog I need you to be strong for me.

Don't ignore it don't think that I don't think about it every waking moment that I don't feel his hands crawl on me his breath on top of me or his nastiness inside of me.

Ask questions, ask me how I feel what you can do to help me. Maybe I won't want to talk maybe it's too private but maybe I will need to talk to someone. Maybe I just need a hug or a shoulder to cry on.

Don't act like I am hiding a secret that I need to be ashamed of it's not...it happened I have to deal with it I have to live with these consequences.

I'm the one having this rapists baby.

_Cat there you are Jade was worried you didn't come to class_

_Sikowitz sent me to find you both your due in his classroom_

_Freddie what's wrong?_

Lane's voice interrupted us turning to me our eyes locked and he knew without me having to say.

_Freddie say something Cat just told you something that was very personal very painful_

_You can at least be a man and say something back take your time and form your next words carefully_

_Freddie do you understand that Sexual assault infects every aspect of a person's life their sense of safety, their ability to trust, their sexuality, their physical health, their spiritual life everything. _

_If Cat can't name the reason for that total and comprehensive disruption, then what she does is blame herself. __I must be crazy. There's something wrong with me. I'm not like other people. I'm broken._

_There's nothing wrong with her. She was raped. Do her the courtesy of putting a name to what has happened to her. Be brave enough to say it. Be that friend who helps her call it what it is._

_It's not easy supporting a sexual assault survivor. It can be exhausting and it can break your heart. We both Understand that you have feelings too, and your feelings are important. Talk to your other friends about how hard it is. Talk to me or any teacher here your mom talk about it don't stay silent don't let her suffer by herself anymore this is NOT Cat's fault._

_Cat has finally found the courage inside herself to tell someone you are the first person she has ever said those words out loud to anyone._

_How did it feel Cat?_

I was raped.

I said it

I put it out there.

They were words I buried because I didn't understand what had happened to me and felt ashamed because I thought it was my fault.

I'm starting to see maybe I was wrong cause it wasn't my fault

I wasn't going to be a victim anymore.

How did that feel?

Suddenly the vague nightmare of that awful night took shape and the monster that had haunted me for months had a form and a name: **R****ape.**

With this name came the understanding that what had happened to me was not my fault a crime had been committed and I was the victim of that crime.

I was done being a victim now I was going to be a fighter a survivor and soon a mother it wasn't my kid's fault he/she didn't ask to be created from such a hateful selfish act.

She or he deserved to be loved just like every child and in order to do that I had to learn to love myself again and I had to fight for a better life that meant doing well in school socializing with others and never giving up on my dreams.

No matter who stood in my way.

_Are you serious?_

He really asked me that?

Looking him straight in the eyes I shot back at him.

_Are you serious? Asking me that?_

He swallowed as I spun around fine if he couldn't talk to me he didn't need to be in my life.

Lane squeezed my shoulder as I walked past him grabbing my stuff looking at Freddie one last time I rolled my eyes.

_I thought you were different I was wrong_

Brushing past them I ran out smacking into Robbie who saw I was upset and asked to hug me granting him a yes he wrapped his arms around me and I cried again.

_Cat I am sorry he didn't believe you maybe he needs time_

_It's hard for anyone to adjust when they hear that kind of news _

_Why are you defending him?_

_Cause I am him I know how I felt and how shocked and scared and speechless I was _

_Cat_

We both turned as Freddie came running out red faced sweating, our eyes connected. Robbie stepped in front of me adjusting his glasses he addressed Freddie.

_No one ever asks to be raped or assaulted. Raping someone is a conscious decision made by the perpetrator. Even if __Cat__ exercise__d__ bad judgment, she did not deserve to be raped; no one does. _

_Freddie came closer I squeezed tighter next to Robbie I don't know why but his reaction caused me to not to be able to trust him._ _Clearing his throat looking us both in our eyes._ _"I believe you __Cat__"_

_You survived; you did the best you could do under the circumstances."  
_

_It is not your fault. Nothing you did could possibly justify what happened."  
_

_I'm sorry it happened to you."  
_

_This does not change how I feel about you."  
_

_What can I do to help you?"_

_I am just so happy you are here and you survived I would be so devastated if you had died._ _Swallowing I froze he said the words no one not even Jade could say the truth I had always known. I was lucky in a way so many girls are killed by their rapist so many don't make it past the assault._


	54. Chapter 54

**Cat's p o v**

I knew he had been watching Tori and I for awhile I knew this moment would come when I would have to tell him the truth but I was so scared what if he thought I was too blame?

It was my fault for being so stupid as to go off on my own for not calling someone who I knew for trusting a complete stranger. Even if he seemed so nice and compassionate he was a stranger god I am so dumb.

It's my fault no one else except him still it Didn't mean I deserved it. Why wasn't he saying something?

He swore he was sorry and he cared for me he wanted to make it right.

Was he telling the truth or just trying to get me to forgive him so we would work together on this project.

I know how serious he takes school.

My mind was reeling with questions as I stared into his face trying to read his eyes his expression.

_Do I matter to you? Do I matter enough that when you hear this story you will be furious on my behalf? Do you value me enough that this story will hurt you?_

His eyes were so confused but his silence and his jumping back were telling me all I needed to hear.

_You don't matter enough to make me fight my own paralysis and confusion and fear. You are not worth defending. You are not worth standing up for._

The dawn of it broke me why was I that unimportant to him? I thought we had something special I thought I meant something to him.

Get angry Freddie. Cry Damn it. Tell me how sorry you are, how heartbroken, how devastated. Tell me that I didn't deserve it. Tell me it wasn't my fault. Tell me you love me it doesn't have to be in the bf/gf way just in a I love you as a friend way. Tell me that my pain means something. Tell me how much I matter.

Frigging tell me something don't just stand there like a lost puppy dog that was brutally attacked by a bulldog I need you to be strong for me.

Don't ignore it don't think that I don't think about it every waking moment that I don't feel his hands crawl on me his breath on top of me or his nastiness inside of me.

Ask questions, ask me how I feel what you can do to help me. Maybe I won't want to talk maybe it's too private but maybe I will need to talk to someone. Maybe I just need a hug or a shoulder to cry on.

Don't act like I am hiding a secret that I need to be ashamed of it's not...it happened I have to deal with it I have to live with these consequences.

I'm the one having this rapists baby.

_Cat there you are Jade was worried you didn't come to class_

_Sikowitz sent me to find you both your due in his classroom_

_Freddie what's wrong?_

Lane's voice interrupted us turning to me our eyes locked and he knew without me having to say.

_Freddie say something Cat just told you something that was very personal very painful_

_You can at least be a man and say something back take your time and form your next words carefully_

_Freddie do you understand that Sexual assault infects every aspect of a person's life their sense of safety, their ability to trust, their sexuality, their physical health, their spiritual life everything. _

_If Cat can't name the reason for that total and comprehensive disruption, then what she does is blame herself. __I must be crazy. There's something wrong with me. I'm not like other people. I'm broken._

_There's nothing wrong with her. She was raped. Do her the courtesy of putting a name to what has happened to her. Be brave enough to say it. Be that friend who helps her call it what it is._

_It's not easy supporting a sexual assault survivor. It can be exhausting and it can break your heart. We both Understand that you have feelings too, and your feelings are important. Talk to your other friends about how hard it is. Talk to me or any teacher here your mom talk about it don't stay silent don't let her suffer by herself anymore this is NOT Cat's fault._

_Cat has finally found the courage inside herself to tell someone you are the first person she has ever said those words out loud to anyone._

_How did it feel Cat?_

I was raped.

I said it

I put it out there.

They were words I buried because I didn't understand what had happened to me and felt ashamed because I thought it was my fault.

I'm starting to see maybe I was wrong cause it wasn't my fault

I wasn't going to be a victim anymore.

How did that feel?

Suddenly the vague nightmare of that awful night took shape and the monster that had haunted me for months had a form and a name: **R****ape.**

With this name came the understanding that what had happened to me was not my fault a crime had been committed and I was the victim of that crime.

I was done being a victim now I was going to be a fighter a survivor and soon a mother it wasn't my kid's fault he/she didn't ask to be created from such a hateful selfish act.

She or he deserved to be loved just like every child and in order to do that I had to learn to love myself again and I had to fight for a better life that meant doing well in school socializing with others and never giving up on my dreams.

No matter who stood in my way.

_Are you serious?_

He really asked me that?

Looking him straight in the eyes I shot back at him.

_Are you serious? Asking me that?_

He swallowed as I spun around fine if he couldn't talk to me he didn't need to be in my life.

Lane squeezed my shoulder as I walked past him grabbing my stuff looking at Freddie one last time I rolled my eyes.

_I thought you were different I was wrong_

Brushing past them I ran out smacking into Robbie who saw I was upset and asked to hug me granting him a yes he wrapped his arms around me and I cried again.

_Cat I am sorry he didn't believe you maybe he needs time_

_It's hard for anyone to adjust when they hear that kind of news _

_Why are you defending him?_

_Cause I am him I know how I felt and how shocked and scared and speechless I was _

_Cat_

We both turned as Freddie came running out red faced sweating, our eyes connected. Robbie stepped in front of me adjusting his glasses he addressed Freddie.

_No one ever asks to be raped or assaulted. Raping someone is a conscious decision made by the perpetrator. Even if __Cat__ exercise__d__ bad judgment, she did not deserve to be raped; no one does. _

_Freddie came closer I squeezed tighter next to Robbie I don't know why but his reaction caused me to not to be able to trust him._ _Clearing his throat looking us both in our eyes._ _"I believe you __Cat__"_

_You survived; you did the best you could do under the circumstances."  
_

_It is not your fault. Nothing you did could possibly justify what happened."  
_

_I'm sorry it happened to you."  
_

_This does not change how I feel about you."  
_

_What can I do to help you?"_

_I am just so happy you are here and you survived I would be so devastated if you had died._ _Swallowing I froze he said the words no one not even Jade could say the truth I had always known. I was lucky in a way so many girls are killed by their rapist so many don't make it past the assault._


	55. Chapter 55

**Cat's p o v**

_Cat there you are!_

Tori ran up to me as I came into Sikowitz room still reeling from the whole Freddie ordeal all I wanted was to lay down and sleep.

Maybe Nurse Kotter would let me she has been so kind in letting me crash there whenever I was feeling overwhelmed.

No I can't I need to keep going on, sighing I headed over to help Robbie with his makeup when I was done I went over to the stage to sit down we were suppose to be filming our movie.

Everyone seemed restless Jade came over and sat with me her worried look in her eyes made me sit up straighter I hated when she worried. I feel so guilty she's spending so much time taking care of me that she's failing her subjects.

Jade never fails she takes school so seriously. She's fighting with her mom and she left home all because I needed her.

She didn't need any extra worry between me and school plus her job she's spreading herself to thin.

Wait how did Trina have 977 followers?

What the heck?

Laying my head on Jade's shoulder I smiled at her she didn't believe I was fine but I had to convince her time to be amazing.

Tori was being so down on herself because Trina had more followers than her she seemed so sad I hate when people are sad.

I should hug her but I stopped myself did that mean I forgave her?

Sure I could work with her for projects we had to I needed to pass I need to get my career started I need amazing grades that means sucking things up and doing what needs to be done.

That doesn't mean I forgive and forget.

Would a hug really say all that?

Grabbing my right arm I stopped shyly by her blushing looking down She smiled a tense twitch of her lips oh no what was Jade about to say?

Was she going to make Tori cry again? Would I like that?

_Look at it this way most people think Trina is an awful gross person right?_

Tori was nervous as she looked back at Jade and nodded slightly nervous.

I was I know how cruel Jade can be and she hasn't forgiven Tori she won't until I do and maybe not even than.

She wasn't Tori's biggest fan before this.

Tori's response was a weak squeaky yeah.

_Way more people follow her on the slap than you_

_Yea_

Tori hung her head sadly Jade stood in front of her with her arms crossed god she was so beautiful with her long black/purple waves falling in front of her pale face her perfect body covered in black. Damn that skirt made her butt look juicy.

Stop it cat pull yourself together.

_Wow that says a lot_

Well that was tame I was excepting worse but still tori looked sad suck it up Cat it was only a hug, going forward holding my arm swallowing against the nervous I approached her.

_Don't be sad_

Tori spun too fast overwhelming me I saw him again grabbing me quickly I stopped breathe deep Cat your safe your with friends.

_Why not?_

Her eyes were like puppy dogs looking at me I froze I could barely swallow my own spit my breathing was still too fast. Jade was by me in seconds how did she always know?

Tori wanted an answer how was I suppose to tell her? What was I suppose to say?

I still couldn't forgive her.

_I don't have a good answer_

Beck spoke up as Jade and I went to sit down my head laying on her shoulder.

_I don't think anybody should care how many followers anyone has on a social network_

Tori wouldn't back down.

_Trina has over a 1,000_

Suddenly everyone started caring.

Jade was the first one out screaming than Beck Robbie, I followed maybe if I was more sociable I could start to trust people and heal.

Throughout the whole day I thought about how to get more followers. Even as Jade and I sat in the doctors office for a checkup doing our homework.

I smiled as my doctor came in she's young 32 petite like me with curly blond hair and green eyes she's friendly and non-judgmental and loves animals like I do. She's always gentle with me.

_Hello Cat _

_Hi Dr. Schneider how are you today?_

_Great Cat how about you?_

I shrugged.

_Tired and peeing all the time_

_Well that's perfectly normal Cat have you tried taking Cat naps through out the day?_

She giggled she always thinks her jokes are super funny I usually just giggle I mean she is holding needles when she's poking me.

_How are you really feeling?_

_Tired stressed out _

_Are you getting enough sleep?_

_No I can't sleep still having nightmares and cramps_

_Your cramping?_

_Yea_

_How often?_

_I don't know mainly at night _

_What do you eat before bed?_

_Whatever I can find_

_Cat do you have the list of foods that I recommended for you at your last visit?_

_No I lost it besides I am so busy I barely have time to stop at McDonald I can't make dinner_

_Well you better find time sweetie it's very important Jade can I give it to you and rest assured she will follow it?_

_Yes Dr. Schneider_

_Thank you darling _

_Lets get your weight sweetheart than will do the urine test _

Slowly I got off the stretcher it was so hard to move when I was tired like this Jade was by me helping me.

Dr. Schneider was patient as I made my way over to the machine.

She was quite as she studied the results than handed me a cup so I could pee in it the embarrassment.

_Cat your only weighing at 120 that's dangerously underweight for the second trimester you need to eat more and rest._

_Your BMI is only 15.9 you need to be gaining around 28-40 pounds_

She examined me and did some more tests before she sat down with me. 

_Your progressing nicely Cat keep taking care of yourself and you will be having a beautiful healthy baby._

_I want you to read this and ask me of you have any questions as what to except._

**Body aches, such as back, abdomen, groin, or thigh pain.**

**Stretch marks on your abdomen, breasts, thighs, or buttocks.**

**Darkening of the skin around your nipples. A line on the skin running from belly button to pubic hairline. Patches of darker skin, usually over the cheeks, forehead, nose, or upper lip. Patches often match on both sides of the face. This is sometimes called the mask of pregnancy. Numb or tingling hands, called carpal tunnel syndrome. Itching on the abdomen, palms, and soles of the feet. (Call your doctor if you have nausea, loss of appetite, vomiting, jaundice or fatigue combined with itching. These can be signs of a serious liver problem.)Swelling of the ankles, fingers, and face. (If you notice any sudden or extreme swelling or if you gain a lot of weight really quickly, call your doctor right away. This could be a sign of preeclampsia.)**

_There was so much to take in Doctor_

_I know it's overwhelming but Jade will be here for you and so am I call me any time day or night _

_You should start to feel less tired and sick soon._

_Well everything seems to be going fine have you talked or thought about what you plan to do?_

_No but I know I am not having an abortion_

_Well it won't be easy raising a kid while your still a kid yourself_

_No it won't and I don't have a lot of friends to help me but I will be fine_

_I am leaning towards adoption but I haven't made a final choice _

_Well you have time sweetie and I am here whenever you need to talk _

_Thanks Dr. Schneider _

_Not a problem if you don't have any more questions you are free to go young lady_

Laying in bed that night after my bath waiting for Jade to get out of her shower I logged onto the to see what everyone was up to.

Robbie was making short little cute videos contests to gain followers by giving away free stuff.

Beck and Freddie were posting hot pics, Jade was threating everyone and Tori was over it.

What could I do?

_Cat have you seen my red sock the one with the picture of the lobster on it?_

_No Sam_

_Cat _

_Yes?_

_Can you help out with this babysitting?_

_In a minute Sam just tweeting_

_Ah you tweet like a thousand times a day_

_I do not!_

_Do to_

_Not _

_tweet this_

_That's not very nice Sam I can't tweet that _

After the kids were down for the night and the parents had claimed them I laid on my bed with jade and dawned on me.

I could write a video blog.

What should be the first phrase

I like unicorns? Nah too last year closing my eyes I felt the tiredness take over.

First words..I typed.

I'm Catrina Valentine and I was raped


	56. Chapter 56

**Tori's p o v**

**Tori's**

**Newest Update: **

**1-14-14**

**Uh-ha Andre I got ya slap handed!**

**So sick of this slap slap down follow war**

SlapHappy

Damn I am so sick of this war that Trina created okay so maybe I had a little help in getting my friends so obsessed with it.

_Cat _

She squeaked as I called her name as she came in clutching her phone.

_Cat _

_Why are you hanging onto that phone for dear life?_

_I am not Tori_

_Yes you are_

_I am not!_

_What are you doing?_

_Tweeting _

_Why?_

_Cause the more you tweet the more followers you get_

_How much can you tweet in one day?_

_Plenty I'm doing the 1,000 tweets a day_

_Cat Hey_

Cat turned away from me going back to her phone as she tweeted.

_Tori just said hey to me_

_Cat were suppose to meet in Sikowitz's classroom to make our movie_

_Tori just reminded me were suppose to shoot today #IdontCare_

_Cat_

_Got to go Tori_

I groaned as she ran off seriously why was everyone this crazy over stupid followers?

_Hey Tori did you decided what song your going to do at open mic?_

I turned to see Brianna Sage who's a senior come up to me she always dresses in the latest fashions and always looks amazing.

She plays a killer bass. Open mic night oh my god I totally forgot that's tonight.

Groaning I never answered I just hurried down the hall as Jade came tearing through with a bullhorn screaming into it.

_Follow me or die!_

_Follow me_

_Hey you what's your name?_

Some girl froze as Jade screamed at her.

_Pepper_

_Do you follow me?_

_No_

_Why not_

_I'm new here _

_Whip out your phone and follow me!_

_Now!_

_Jade your scaring people into following you?_

_I'm gently suggesting they follow me_

_Yes got a problem with it?_

_Yea we have to go make our short flim_

_No I have to get more followers_

_Why?_

_Cause beck was up all night tweeting hot pics of himself shirtless_

_So he's got 200 more followers than me_

_There's no way I am going to let him have more followers than me_

_Why not?_

I swear she almost had a seizor she started screaming.

_Cause I'm prettier than him_

Oh I just had to mess with her grinning I stared her dead in the face and deadpanned.

_Are you?_

_Are you really?_

_Hey you! Follow me!_

She chased him up the steps.

She's insane seriously the girl has mental issues I worry about her she was practically running as she shouted.

_Follow me or I will stab your eyes out when your sleeping and leave the balls in tiny pieces under your mother's pillow!_

Bam!

I smacked right into Freddie who was running from a group of freshman screaming girls. Looking scared for his life his shirt was ripped his pants were dirty and wrinkled.

_Hide me! Please help me!_

_What's going on?_

_No time to talk help me!_

Whipping my head around I quickly found the janitors closet grabbing him I pulled him inside. Locking the door we were both breathless as we fell on the floor the girls pounding on the door.

Looking to my left I grinned damn he looked cute as hell.

_What happened?_

_Freddie your bleeding!_

I reached inside my bag and pulled out a first aid kit his left nipple was bleeding and cut open.

_Beck gave me an idea last night when he was tweeting all those pics I thought why not I can do this_

_So I uploaded a live stream of me surfing but when I went to jump the wave my pants came down_

_What?_

I started laughing he glared at me but chuckled.

_Sinjun uploaded it to the slap I didn't know it but all the girls are going crazy_

_Well I can't blame them you are pretty impressive_

I have never seen a boy blush as deep as Freddie did in that moment. He rubbed his hair as he looked down.

_Tori can I ask you something?_

_Yea anything_

_Do you ever miss us?_

_Yea all the time_

_I get it Tori you were upset and desperate we've all been there_

_I'm not saying it's cool but I can forgive you I know you didn't mean for anything to happen to Cat_

_I would never hurt Cat in that way it was pretty awful to steal her boyfriend but I never _

_Wait you know?_

_Yea she told me I can't believe it_

_She's so sweet she's so innocent it really made me open my eyes_

_Instead of hating each other we should value what we have and support each other_

_I would like to give us a try again if it's cool with you and with Cat_

_I don't know Freddie do you think she would have a problem with it?_

_I think she would be okay _

_I miss you Tori I really like you_

_Aw I really like you to Freddie but we need to take it slow_

_Agreed and we need to talk to Cat first_

_True but do you think it would be okay to kiss?_

_I think so what she doesn't know won't hurt us. _

Freddie leaned into me his lips engulfed me caught off guard I stumbled a bit he reached out to grab me just as I reached out to grab him and our hands ended up in a pushing war, making me almost break the kiss with a laugh.

His lips were soft and his mouth warm and wet it was exhilarating, my heart was beating so fast as his lips worked with mine twisting and opening our tongues playing with each other's mouths.

Little moans escaped me as I moved closer to him this just felt so right so amazing so perfect.

Leaning back against the wall my heart seemed to slow down as his kisses intensified moving his tongue behind my teeth.

Pulling apart slowly our eyes locked I knew I was a hot mess but he didn't care he just took my hands in his kissing them his breathing was heavy but slow like he was too bust being caught up in my beauty or in the moment to remember how to breathe.

His lips pulled back slow so his top lips were still lingering against mine, I can't even describe how I was feeling.

This felt right but was it?


	57. Chapter 57

**Freddie's p o v**

**This chapter contains sexual innuendo that may not be suitable for younger viewers.**

_Oh my god look at the boobs on this chick!_

Res called out as we were laying in my room after school all I could think about was Tori and how amazing her kiss was.

Her eyes the way they gleamed when she wanted something but was doubting if she deserved it.

That pout she got when she didn't get her way or the way she twirled her hair. Her slender tight body damn I miss her.

_How can you watch that chiz?_

Res looked like I just slapped him as he sat there watching some stupid porn video's on my phone again as if this didn't get me busted by my mom last time.

_It's not stupid dude this chi is amazing_!

_It's stupid man sex ain't about all that _

_How would you know dude you been with one girl_

_That's one more girl than you_

_Shut the eff up dude let me have my visions and you can have yours_

_Woah look at her butt damn I would tap that_

_Sick freak_

_Shut it Love Sick freak_

I grunted heading to the bathroom all that thinking about Tori and all the moans coming from those videos had done something to me which needed fixing.

_Bout time you came back what took so long?_

_Shut up dude_

_I know what took so long_

_Deny it all you want Benson this chiz gets you off to_

_No man it really doesn't_

_What gets me off is kissing one of the hottest girls in school knowing I may have a chance to make her mine again._

_Whatever dude say what you want but I know what It does to you_

Insert eye roll here yea Res could say what he wanted and maybe at one point it was true I still say it was part of what got me in trouble with Tori that night if Res hadn't had me up watching porn the night before and after school that day I wouldn't of been so horny and so desperate to have sex.

I mean I loved Cat and everything and when she didn't show it killed my heart but not my hard on Tori was there and I don't know I stopped thinking I just wanted to feel good.

Except it lead to so much pain on everyone's part I should regret it and I do regret hurting Cat but I really like Tori she's a good person at heart and she's talented sweet and she's amazing in bed.

Ever since that night though I gave up porn.

Leaving Res alone to his own pleasures I sat at my computer and typed up a paper for Health.

_Porn and The Teenage boy_

_By Fredward Benson_

_Mrs. Richter Pr._

_Puberty it does things to a young boy at a time when were suppose to be playing with cars and baseballs our bodies are starting to change our voices are getting deeper._

_Our brains are still young and developing our hormones are raging and our questions are engaging except most adults do not even want to hear the word sex leave their mouths._

_With no one to talk to where do most kids end up?_

_Talking to their friends and surfing the INTERNET cause everything can be found on the Internet, kids believe everything they see cause we don't know any better were young were not dumb but were not educated on certain things and if no one wants to teach us we will find our own way._

_Puberty it can be a time of great curiosity and great confusion because our budding sexuality opens us up to many questions fantasies, and urges that have not existed before. Adolescent boys have historically sought out information about sex through friends, family members, and Pornography hoping that this knowledge will fulfill our newfound curiosity and urges. But in today's digital world, most adolescents turn to porn for answers-and pleasure and when porn becomes an adolescent boy's primary mode of sexual education, it can be harmful to our brain's sexual development. _

_Between the ages of 12-20 our brains are going through __neuroplasticity the brain is in a fragile stage at development this is when new synaptic connections are made._

_Leading us to be vulnerable to our surroundings we become what we see is an easy way to phrase it._

_When an adolescent boy compulsively views pornography, his brain chemistry can become shaped around the attitudes and situations that he is watching. Sadly, pornography paints an unrealistic picture of sexuality and relationships that can create an expectation for real-life experiences that will never be fulfilled._

_Pornography can be exciting for an adolescent boy to watch, but it can also be intimidating._

_Pornography shows us a world where relationships mean nothing and immediate sexual gratification means everything. Therefore, the adolescent viewer's brain is being wired to expect that sex and relationships are separate from one another._

_We except sex to be as magical and hardcore as we see it on our screen what we forget that sex isn't about just being pleased it's about being with someone who means something to you._

_Sex should never replace love but the more porn a teen watches the less they learn how to experience love, __Love is hard who at 14,15 or 17 can say they truly know what being in love with someone is about?_

_You can't buy it it doesn't just jump off your screen and give you an instant B.J nope but porn it's free and easy to access making it perfect for a teen just starting to become intimate with his own sexuality to replace love._

_On average most teens look at porn while their doing their homework in their rooms locked away from their parents watchful views, while watching they fantasize about being with the hottest chick sometimes it's someone at school or down the street working their favorite restaurant or an actress. _

_Most teens eventually start to masturbate while viewing porn their brain is now shaped into this idea this fantasy that sex is what they see on their screen it never dawns on them that it's not reality it's porn-eality it's fake just like the idea of these scenarios ever really happening._

_This can lead to greater problems in a young boy's life sexual intimacy and sexual compulsion._

_He may become braver and go our seeking risks just to fulfill his need for the porn-elity to become reality which puts him at risks for STD's, prostitution lure which can lead to arrests._

_This is a scary vision for generations to come where men's brains have been "porno-sized" in adolescence to lead to a lifetime of sexual pathology. _

_If you're raising an adolescent boy, take it from me now is the time to talk to him in explicit detail about what interests him sexually. Is he more attracted to females or males? If so, does he have a crush on anyone? Is he willing to introduce you that person? Take time to let him know that his sexuality is nothing to be ashamed of and that you're going to put a filter on his computer to protect him from images that may be too much for his developing brain to handle. Where social networking is concerned, ask him if you can have access to his site so that you're part of his community of friends. Since sex education is sorely lacking in our public schools, you should involve yourself in guiding and educating your son about sex so that he can grow into a healthy sexual adult. _

_More information is available on sex addiction Los Angeles._

Reading and rereading my essay I sighed feeling ashamed that I had fallen into that trap my mom had always raised me to be respectful of woman but she never took the time to talk to me about my body how I would feel as it changed or what I would feel like when I first kissed a girl or touched a girl.

She never prepared me for sex or what I would feel after.

I thought I had learned after Sam but I guess I didn't cause I repeated the pattern all over again.

Sex became my love this time it wasn't going to be about sex it would be about love.

I was going to show Tori she was worthy of being devoted to and loved for who she is inside not just her banging body.

Damn thinking of Tori made me hard again this may be harder than I think.


	58. Chapter 58

**Freddie's p o v**

**Jade's update**

**Before paper and scissors were invented, ancient Mayans used to play: Rock-Leaf-Punch in the Gut. **

**Mood**

**Wazzed **

Now why was she wazzed off? I scrolled through her profile to see a picture of Robbie's newest update.

**Robbie's update**

**New video challenges every hour Thanks to all my amazing new 600 friends don't forget to tell everyone to follow the great Rob-Denie.**

**Mood**

**Chillin' **

Wait Robbie had how many followers? I clicked to scroll up 856 following Robbie what the heck? That was way more than I had and I was so much cooler than him!

I had to do something that was chiz man think Freddie what can you do to impress people?

_We should do a video Freddie we haven't done one in so long_

_True Chiz Res_

Just as he was coming over my cell buzzed grabbing it off my nightstand I looked at it seeing Sinjin's face pop up.

_Ello'_

_Hey you home Freddie?_

_Yea why was up?_

_Get ready were going to open Mic night Tori invited us she wants us to record her and everyone else as they preform._

_Sounds great will be ready in minutes_

_Will meet you there Sinjin what's the club?_

I wrote down the address and name Res knew where it was and we grabbed our audio/tech stuff some of this chiz is heavy as hell.

LA traffic is always brutal but we still managed to make it on time.

Huffing and puffing by the time we walked from the parking garage to the club I was sweating carrying all the tech stuff.

_You made it yay!_

Tori hugged us both Cat gave her a strange look as she did Jade's makeup.

The club was packed full of kids all trying for that moment when they would be discovered we knew a lot of them to from school.

_So why are the nerds here again Vega?_

_Jade you really need to work on your people skills_

_And you really need to work on minding your own business Beck _

_The nerds I mean Freddie and Sinjin are here because I thought if we recorded ourselves and re watched it we can find areas we needed to improve on and help each other._

_Sounds solid Tori_

_Why thank you Andre_

I felt Tori stiffen as Jade mocked her again why did she always need to mock her?

_Why thank you Andre_

tori of course got defensive she was horrible at just ignoring Jade which just makes Jade go at her harder.

_I do not talk like that _

_Oh yea you most certainly do_

Before a fight could break out Beck stepped in between them.

_So who's singing with whom?_

_I call Jade_

_You can have Jade Cat no one wants her_

_That was mean Freddie_

_Yea but true_

_Shut-up Rex_

_Make me lil red_

_I call Tori_

_Of course you do Andre_

_I want to go solo_

_Well your in luck Robbie cause I have no intentions of getting up on that stage and singing_

_Good thing your good looking Beck cause your singing could use some improvement_

_So could your attitude Jade _

_Oh_

Sinjin and I started setting up as we watched other kids preform there were some really talented ones including a group of five guys who had all the girls standing.

They were dancing and stripping their shirts off they really had the attention but truthfully their dance moves were lame and their vocals were all over the place.

Amazing how sex sells something.

Heading back from washing up I was shocked to see Tori grab me and push me against the wall.

Her lips attacked mine as I sunk into her embrace and her sweetness. Looking around she saw no one was around and buried her head in my chest.

_I miss this Freddie_

_I know baby I do to soon we can be together we just have to tell Cat I don't want her to find out like this._

_Neither do I I plan to talk to her later tonight were grabbing a bite after this I just have to find a ride._

_I can drive you_

_Seriously?_

_Yea why not_

_Thanks Freddie_

_Your welcome_

Sinjin and I filmed everyone as they went Tori and Andre killed it getting a round of applause Robbie got booed but he kept going.

Jade and Cat killed it I can't believe how Jade's whole personality changes as she preforms.

It was a very long night my shoulders ached form holding the camera up but I was pleased with the video I got.

_Sinjin film my boy and I were about to go up and do our thing_

Huh? Res grabbed me and shoved me to the stage I tried to fight him I was a behind the scenes kind of dude I didn't do to well in front of the audience.

Thankfully he handed me the keyboard which I had been learning thanks to Andre and Res laid down the track.

Once we were done I breathed a sigh of relief Tori was on her cell updating her status Cat was tweeting and Beck was taking pics of himself with random chicks, seriously what the hell was with people?

Sneaking past Beck and his loads of Girls I grabbed Tori's waist and lead her to the back she grinned as she slipped into my arms and let me kiss her deeply passionately.

Someday we would be able to go public together someday but tonight would not be that night.


	59. Chapter 59

**Cat's p o v**

**Cat Valentine RedVelvet 2minutes ago**

**1 out of every 6** women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime.

**Cat Valentine RedVelvet **

**7.7 million **women have been victims of attempted or completed rape.

**Cat Valentine RedVelvet **

15% of sexual assault and rape victims are** under age 12**.

**Cat Valentine RedVelvet **

Every **two minutes** someone in the U.S. is sexually assaulted.

**Cat Valentine RedVelvet **

Approximately **2/3** of rapes were completed by someone known to the victim.

******Cat Valentine RedVelvet **

**60%** of rapes/sexual assaults are not reported to the police

**Cat Valentine RedVelvet **

In the 39% of attacks that are reported, there is only a **16.3% **chance the rapist will end up in jail.

**Cat Valentine RedVelvet **

Factor in the unreported rapes and that means 6% of rapists will ever spend a day in jail - **15 out of 16** walk free.

**Cat Valentine RedVelvet **

*All statistics taken from RAINN

**Cat Valentine RedVelvet **

I wanted to start using my twitter to spread the word that Rape is real it's not just something you see in movies or in tv shows it doesn't just happen in dark alleys.

**Cat Valentine RedVelvet **

Please Follow my blog .com

I will be sharing my story.

_Cat phone please_

_What no way_

_Yes way this is school if you want to tweet go home_

_Put it away or I will take it_

Grumbling I slipped it into my pocket looking over at Jade who was rolling her eyes.

I grumbled all the way to lunch feeling tired having to pee beyond the realm of possibility to hold it.

_Jade hurry please _

_I'm coming Cat just give me your stuff and run I'll meet you there_

Thank god she is so sweet I dumped my pile of heavy books and my book bag on her feeling bad she was weighed down with her stuff and mine.

There's something energizing in being able to relieve yourself by the time Jade managed to get to the bathroom I was done.

Looking around the hall was deserted everyone was in class or lunch so I slipped a kiss on her lips as she wrapped her now free arms around my waist holding me close.

Laying my head on her chest I closed my eyes and just rested for a minute.

This sucks why do woman do this?

Body aches, back, abdomen, groin, or thigh pain, Stretch marks on your abdomen, breasts, thighs, or buttocks. Darkening of the skin around your nipples. A line on the skin running from belly button to pubic hairline. Patches of darker skin, usually over the cheeks, forehead, nose, or upper lip. Patches often match on both sides of the face. Numb or tingling hands, called carpal tunnel syndrome. Itching on the abdomen, palms, and soles of the feet. Swelling of the ankles, fingers, and face.

Jade rubbed my back as we went to the cafe.

When would Jade and Tori ever stop fighting?

Sinjin looked up and shock his head I looked at him as I heard him say.

_You guys make me sick your all great looking and talented_

_Popular I mean you guys star in every play here at this school you sing all the songs_

_You do all the talking in class you guys have it all and your really worried about which one of you have the most followers?_

_Yea feel ashamed cause you should feel ashamed_

I replied everyone nodded and muttered.

_I feel the shame_

Tori's speech touched me next about having the best five friends she could ever have here how she didn't need fake people on the Internet who didn't know her being her friend.

We hugged as the bell rung another long day was almost over I just wanted to go home and take a nap I was so tired but I had hours left to go.


	60. Chapter 60

**Cat's p o v**

_Uh Tori is so annoying how does she always get all these teachers to buy that act?_

_Maybe it's not an act _

_So what are you saying Cat?_

_I'm just saying not everyone has one side Jade_

_Tori isn't all good but she has a pure heart she makes mistakes_

_We all do but at the end of the say she knows what is right and what's wrong_

_Since when did you become Tori's biggest fan?_

_I'm not Jade I still think what she did to me is low but she apologized_

_So saying I'm sorry takes away the pain?_

_No I'll always live with what happened I don't think it will ever stop hurting_

Jade's eyes softened I hate when people feel sorry for me stiffen up I stared her deep into her eyes she shifted and opened her locker.

_But projecting my hurt onto Tori when she already feels awful enough isn't going to help me heal_

I slipped my hand over my stomach which was tossing and flipping sighing I closed my eyes leaning against the lockers.

_Cat I'm sorry I'm just having a crappy morning I shouldn't take it out on you_

_Are you okay? _

_Yea Jade I'm fine it's okay I get it I know you really wanted the role in the musical_

_I know you get upset when Tori gets the leads over you_

_It doesn't make you any less talented babe_

_Thanks Cat maybe one day I'll believe that_

One day? Why couldn't she believe it now? She is so beautiful so talented. I threw my arms around her and kissed her check.

_So what are you going to do?_

Just thinking about this causes me such pain in my head sighing I leaned back against the locker as she finishes getting her books,

Closing her locker she heaves her bag over her shoulder crossing her arms leaning her right side against the locker crossing her arms to stare at me.

The halls were a flurry of activity drummers drumming singers warming up a few dancers spinning and twirling.

Kids talking in groups all of it causing a buzz as it all blends together.

I have no idea what I am going to do I mean I know I can never have an abortion I could never kill an innocent baby even one made from such a horrible act.

It wasn't the baby's fault no more than it was mine she or he deserved to live but I had no idea how I was suppose to raise a baby. I'm just a kid I'm only 16 I could put the baby up for adoption I'm sure there are plenty of amazing woman and men out there who want a child desperately and can't convince.

Could I really do it though? Carry this amazing creature inside of me for nine months talk to it care for it learn to love it and let her/him go?

Would it be selfish to keep it? What did I really have to provide for it? I was still in high school I had a part time job which I made practically nothing at. I struggled to get auditions I had no real support no parents I barely had enough to pay rent.

I didn't know the first thing about being a parent.

_Cat?_

I moaned as all of my concerns came rushing up in a burning vile through my throat pushing past her to run up the steps racing to the nearest bathroom.

I heard the whispers of kids as I flew past them.

_Slut_

_Whore_

_Dumb ass_

_Slut's pregnant good for her_

_I heard she's having Ryder's kid_

I didn't have time to give any of them any concern most were just petty kids talking. My head swam as I leaned over the toilet and emptied my stomach for the fifth time today.

My chest was burning my head pounding as I leaned back against the wall sweating all my fears my shame questions and confusion swimming in the water as I heaved over and over.

Jade was by me rubbing my back and holding my hair back I hate when she sees me puking or smells it.

No more cereal in the morning uh great now what was I suppose to eat? Sam was too lazy to cook and I had no time.

Shaking as I stand she helps hold me up my fears come bursting out in big waves pulling me to her chest she rubs my back softly talking to me.

My face is all red and blotchy great no wonder people looked at me whispering this sucks I always was emotional but this brought it to a whole new level.

_I don't know Jade I don't understand how this happens_

_Well cat pregnancy happens when a guy _

_Shut-up I know that I'm not stupid_

_I'm sorry Cat I don't mean to make light of it I just I want to help you and I don't know how _

I roll my eyes I know how it happened I don't understand why? Why was I raped? Slowly taking a deep breath I know she was only trying to help I shouldn't of snapped she's been nothing but supportive.

Her hands rub my neck loosening the tightness up holding the sink I try to get my balance and steady myself.

She helps me clean up and takes my arm into hers leaning my head on her shoulder we head out to the busy hallway. Kids stare and whisper but no one will say anything to me as long as she's by my side. I feel protected and loved.

We barely get to the class before I lean over and hurl into the garbage can. I thought this chiz was suppose to stop by the second trimester?

She rubs my back again holding back my hair.

I can hear kids talking all around me. There's excitement in the air why is everyone excited?

Something about an audition someone got a role in a new movie or a Tv series.

I should be in on that gossip but instead here I am hurling into a garbage can. It hurts so bad I should be in that conversation. I should be the one their talking about.

I use to know what I wanted that's the scariest part to me I always dreamed I would be an award winning actress I loved drama's I loved making people laugh.

I have trained my whole life for this now because of someone else selfish needs all those dreams were in jeopardy.

Tears welled up as I heaved again I felt Jade's hand on my back I had to be strong I had to hold it back but I couldn't.

Someone starts talking about me.

I don't know who cause my eyes are closed I feel Jade wipe my mouth as I lay my head down in her lap.

The school is huge and filled with so many kids from all over most people think that when they hear preforming arts school it's all rich kids kids who's parents or grandparents are loaded. They bought their way into school they never have to struggle just look at the cars they drive or the clothes they wear.

Truth is only about 10% of the kids here come from money Andre's one of them but he's a total chill guy who doesn't flash his money or family power.

Tori she has enough to live comfortably her and Trina never want for anything material but as she's shown it's not always material things that matter she lacks support and love at home.

Most of the kids here come from hard working low class families who have to work two to three jobs to have enough to eat who wear the handy downs from older sisters/ brothers.

I know how those kids feel my parents weren't always that well off my mom had my brother when she was young only 17 my dad was older 19 but was struggling at his job her parents helped her out but that made my dad resentful he felt it was his job to be the man.

They didn't have an easy life raising a baby while she stayed in school and he balanced college and a job. They had a tiny apartment Jamie and I shared a room a bed a bathroom we got so close because of it we giggled late at night we made up songs and stories.

He held me when we heard them fight late at night he taught me how to dream. Even though he is ten years older than I am we have always been super close he was my brother my protector my dad when ours was too busy being a hot shot executive to come home and be a real dad.

It took eight years for her to be able to graduate with raising a baby and taking care of a house dad was away a lot working so she was essentially a single parent. Once she graduated she got a lucky break an old friend from college who she kept in contact with called her up she had just opened up her own agency she was one of the fast rising scouts on the west coast having just signed Jessica Albee who was staring in a trilogy of sci-fi fics aimed at teens.

She asked my mom to become her partner which she quickly agreed to she loved her job and took pride in it she was able to get access to a lot of really cool things like movie premiers behind the scenes adventures. Jamie loved it and found his nitch. She got him enrolled in acting classes vocal lessons dance lessons. Dad hated seeing his son in these things he said it would make him gay. Mom however supported him and loved him.

Two years into her new job both her and her her boss Sarah found out they were pregnant at the same time even though they had drifted apart after college in the two years they were working together they had gotten close again.

Both had husbands that traveled and worked leaving them alone I was born in June and Sarah's daughter Jade was born in July which makes me a whole month older than Lil Miss Jadelyn August West.

Mom worked her butt off to be successful and she was singing over 30 new talents within the first two years alone.

The money started coming in and after three years we were able to buy a house next to door to Sarah and her husband Bill and Jade.

Life seemed to be improved to the outside world but the reality was our parents drifted apart Jamie found what made him happy but his choices made my parents angry his coming out as gay killed their dreams their exceptions.

I was eleven when he came out and it was a hushed secret I was told he was sick in the head he was special and he needed special doctors to fix him.

I don't believe that now but my parents hate him they moved away to escape any traces of him. To be honest my dad was the one who hated him but my mom was so desperate to hold on to him she never made any effort to stand up for Jamie

When I was a kid I use to think my parents held the moon and the stars I mean life wasn't easy but they always made sure we had whatever we needed hugs, kisses, laughs, cuddles clothes, food education.

Every night mom read to us she made up stories in her head she was so creative she taught us to dream to believe and to imagine.

I remember running down the hall in my little princess shoes with my tutu on as I heard my dad's shoes squeaking through the front door laughing as I flew through the air he would spin me around and tickle me he called me his little unicorn.

I remember Jamie in his princess dress wearing the makeup on that I had painted on his face he was such an amazing brother most would squeal and hit their little sisters who tried to make them over not Jamie he was always excited and wanted me to make him prettier.

I would see the look in my dad's eyes when he saw Jamie I didn't understand it than but I always saw Jamie's face fall and wondered why? Were we bad were we in trouble?

Now I understand it dad was ashamed of him he hated what Jamie was who he was becoming.

Wouldn't my dad love me now? Not only was I gay, but I was pregnant and not even seventeen years old.

He would be so ashamed.

Sometimes I wish I could go back to being a little kid not understanding what was too big for my little mind to grasp.


	61. Chapter 61

**Cat's p o v**

I giggled watching Jade and Andre on stage squatting and trying to say their lines. Jade looked so miserable maybe she would let me massage her later I felt dirty even thinking it but damn she was so cute her butt so firm as she hopped around up there.

Calm down Cat calm down.

I needed this though a little laughter.

Jade whining was too precious.

Perilous pear less haha oh Mr. Sinkowitz too funny and Tori's look on her face was priceless why did she want to know what perilous means anyway wait what does it mean?

Who cares.

_Can I squat?_

_When it's your turn Cat_

Phooey it's never my turn sighing I leaned back which was getting harder these days as I was starting to show and my back was always hurting so was my bottom.

Damn Jade looked sexy up there I just wanted to lick her all over her amazing body uh what was wrong with me? Why was I thinking so dirty?

Gulping some water I tried to control myself as Sikowitz went on about theater.

_What does it mean when something is spangled?_

Tori again damn she was annoying I wanted to get back to how cute Jade looked up there even though she looked so uncomfortable.

_Dang it Tori I only want to answer squat related questions_

_Is it my turn to squat?_

_NOOOO_

I crossed my arms letting out an angry sigh.

Thank you Andre a true gentleman he let me have his place next to my queen of darkness she shot me a look as I yayed about us being squat buddies.

She had no idea the things I wanted to do to her right now.

I didn't hear Tori's latest question but Sikowitz snapped at her she sunk down into her seat.

I had to wonder she got to sing at the north ridge college basket ball game the star spangled banner and I got what crushed dreams and a boat load of fear.

Yay me now I understand why Jade always has a problem with her she seems to get everything she wants without even really trying and here we are struggling to get our dreams and what do we get?

Jade gets kicked out I get a baby I didn't want and my virginity stolen.

Jade was giving her a hard time yay Jade .

She looked so uncomfortable and nervous.

So I can't feel my legs now awesome add it to another awesome symptom. Jade came over after class and rubbed my arms and my neck which were stiff and hurting.

Th whole day all we heard about was how awesome it was that Tori got such an awesome opportunity I swear I vomited even more than usual.

_Cat can we talk after class?_

asked me as I got ready to leave great what now? Was I failing? I was trying as hard as I could to keep up with everything but my mind was so preoccupied with everything else going on.

Jade grabbed my hands hers was so soft I felt instantly better she seemed to know exactly how I was feeling.

_Jade I know your protective of Cat and it's sweet but I need to talk to Cat alone_

_No don't go Jade please_

she saw the fear in my eyes I mean I know I Mr. Sikowitz is cool and everything but the truth was I didn't feel comfortable being alone with any guy yet,

It was hard enough to be alone with Lane it took all my strength to get through those sessions.

I don't know what he said to her in private but I saw how hard she fought to stay with me but somehow he convinced her to leave.

Tears filled my eyes as he approached me calm down Cat he won't hurt you he's nice he's your teacher but the closer he got the more I got afraid.

He seemed to sense what this was doing to me cause he offered me some coconut juice but I shock my head and went to sit down on the stage he kept his distance.

Softening his voice he cleared his throat.

_Cat I understand your scared and after everything that happened I get it babe it burns me up that someone can do this to such a sweet innocent girl like you._

_I just want you to know that I think you are so brave for pushing on and I know I am silly and I pick on you kids I push you I laugh at you kids when your hurting but it's not cause I am heartless it's cause I know how strong and stubborn you are._

_I believe in all of you and I know you can do this._

He moved closer I felt my breath suck in I felt him on me touching me tears welled up Sikowitz seemed to sense how much it was effecting me he backed up and kept his hands in the air.

_I know everyone thinks Tori gets all the leads and she has all the best parts but it's not cause she's favored simply I see the talent she has and she's developed all of this in such a short time it's inspiring I think you can really learn from her she was thrown into this world mid year while you were all already years ahead._

_Cat look at me please I know you had your heart broken and so many other things but do you know the one thing I always admired about you and your brother._

Jamie my heart skipped a beat as I looked up at him.

_That no matter what you faced you always had an incredible thirst an unbreakable spirit _

_I see great things ahead of you I get it your facing a very difficult road but you will get through this._

_If you need anything I am always here for you in fact I want you to know how much I believe in you_

_I have a friend from college who has his own production agency he's casting for a new movie that will be shot over the summer and he's looking for teenage girls to audition for several parts._

_Of course I showed him all of your pictures and he loves you he wants you to audition Cat it's a huge role one that will really make a mark for whoever gets casted._

_I don't know if I'm ready Mr. Sikowitz I mean would anybody really cast me now?_

_Why not darling? Your beautiful your talented and.._

_I'm pregnant_

_So what you have the baby in June Production begins late July you'll have to lose the baby fat but hey this is Hollywood we have ways to do that fast._

_But I'm having a baby _

_Yea yea that's the general idea kitten but will help you out will babysit the liter for you_

I giggled liter Cat...cute

Why was he being so indiffernt about this?

_Cat having a baby yea it's going to be hard your life won't be the same but It doesn't mean your life has to stop you can get through this you can live your dreams and have a beautiful life it's all about to you._

_I will go with you to the audition and I promise you if your nervous about being alone with a guy I will not leave you no matter what._

_You trust me Cat?_

Trust that was such a simple word but it was so fragile did I really trust anyone anymore? I trusted Tori she broke that trust I trusted that guy it was stupid and naive of me but I did trust him he gave me no reason not to and than he did and it was too late.

Sikowitz has always been kind to me supportive fatherly in a way to all of us but did I trust being alone with two guys?

_Would it help if a female friend came along?_

I nodded unable to trust my own voice see how easily that word is thrown around yet once it's broken it's not so easy to get back.

_Will ask jade to come along but you two have to keep quiet about this word gets out I'll have every student at my door understand?_

I nodded he smiled at me and dismissed me looking at me sadly as I grabbed my stuff and left arms over my chest.

I was barely out of the door when I felt someone shove me hard against the wall I squeaked as I felt Ryder Daniels on top of me holding me down. Laughing as he faked dry humping me tears sprang to life as he held me by my throat his friends calling out all kinds of insults at me.

_Slut_

_You like this don't you_

_Give it up to me cat it wasn't rape your just a horny little bitch_

_All you bitches are such fakes you lead us on get what you want than cry rape so you don't have to bear the shame._

_Oh yea this feels great babe imagine if we were naked _

_Get off of her!_

I heard her before I saw her Tori was on them in an instant but it felt like forever before I felt the air rush up and Sikowitz grabbing me pulling me to his arms tears engulfing me as my whole body shock.

Everything was a blur I felt Trina taking me from his arms leading me to Lane's office I saw Jade with Principle Helen she better not be in trouble for helping me.

_Breathe deep Cat count to three inhale count to three exhale_

_Your safe repeat after me I am safe I am loved I am safe_

I felt myself coming down from whatever cloud I was on I heard Lane's voice repeating to me slowly I felt the pressure off of my chest.

Tori was laying beside me holding me as I opened my eyes my head hurt my stomach was turning and before I could even say anything I felt myself heaving again.

I don't know how Trina knew it was about to happen but she did kneeling beside me with a garbage can pushing my hair back.

After what seemed to be forever I laid my head back on tori's chest as she stroked my hair.

We didn't talk for awhile but when I finally felt a little better I swallowed my pride.

_Thanks Tori for helping me out today_

_Your welcome Cat I'm sorry those dicks got anywhere near you_

_It happens it's nothing new I was just taken by shock today usually I can prepare myself better_

_You shouldn't have to prepare yourself Cat you did nothing wrong _

_Yea well as far as their concerned I'm a cheater a whore and I got what I deserved_

_That's not fair everyone knows I set you up they shouldn't be saying those things_

_Well they are and it won't change Tori no matter what anybody says to them _

_Thanks for trying but their minds were made up long before this happened they always saw me as an easy target I'm naive I'm small and I have tits that's all guys need to see and brand a slut._

_Guys are dogs_

_Yea smelly ones at that uh how can girls find that attractive_

_I mean Ryder smelled like dog poop _

We giggled Tori held me closer as I felt my eye lids get heavy.

_It's his after shave he calls it Ray Bum I called it Butt Scum_

My giggles turned into full fledged laughter I forgot how funny Tori always was. It didn't take long though till she had me rolling so hard I thought I would piss the bed.

Once I had showered and changed we started talking more seriously.

She was so nervous about forgetting the words to the star spangled banner thanks to Jade my Jadey can really scare someone silly.

I assured her she would be fine I mean she is an amazing performer.

_Can I stay here tonight?_

_Yea why sure Cat if your comfortable with it_

_Yea I miss this Tori _

_We can have a mini celebration after you kill it on national Tv _

_Oh national TV don't remind me _

_okay I won't but it's true North ridge is number one at college basketball their games are broadcast .._

_Cat stop!_

_Geese ya don't have to get testy_

_Sorry just nerves_

By the time Trina woke me up that night it was late and dark groggily I got up and rubbed my eyes yawing following her downstairs where the gang all was to watch Tori on tv jade was looking stiff and in pain going over I rubbed her thighs and legs she sighed leaning her head on my lap.

_So Cat have you made a decision yet on what to do with you know the little bean growing inside of you?_

_Gross Robbie it's not bean it's a human being a baby and no stop bugging me_

_I'm only asking cause you know things have to be done you need to get a crib clothes start saving money._

_Yea she gets it Robbie she doesn't need you breathing down her neck_

I curled u inside Jade's legs arms under my left check as I closed my eyes but Robbie didn't want to let up.

_My cousin Jane had a baby when she was 17 she always complains about how hard it is she has so many bills so much stress not enough time in the day to do all of it._

_Dude chill out you think Cat isn't already stressing_

_She doesn't look like it she looks pretty darn relaxed_

_Well I'm not Robbie I'm sick I'm tired I'm in pain I'm humiliated and I have no fucking clue what I am going to do but it' my life Robbie and I will deiced what to do so back the hell off!_

_Whoa Cat where did that come from?_

Jade laughed everyone else was in shock as Andre gave a little chuckle announcing the fact that Tori was being announced.

Why did Robbie care so much?

What was up with him?

We all cheered as Tori came on screen she did look beautiful well Jade kind of scowled but she gave a half clap.

Trina grumbled as Tori took the Mic and the guy warned her not to forget the words she swallowed nervously.

_I still don't know why they didn't ask me to sing the national anthem_

Seriously Trina? I mean your sweet and funny and beautiful but you have no talent!

She almost died when we all agreed we understood.

_Oh Shut-up!_

She called out sitting next to me and Andre Jade had now moved over to sit by Beck and Robbie probably so she could hit Robbie if he pissed me off again.

Sighing I leaned back against the couch as annoying as Trina was I got it she just wanted her chance to shine Tori always seemed to get it.

When would it be our turn?


	62. Chapter 62

**Tori's p o v**

_At the twilight's last gleaming? _

I played around with my vocals as I rehearsed in the stands with my mom and Freddie by my side.

Freddie was doing his best to relax me rubbing my shoulders and neck which were tense from the anxiety.

My mom on the other hand was working my last nerve.

_I thought it was twilight's last beaming_

Wait was she right? I looked at the words again.

_No it's gleaming_

Freddie was now trailing kisses down my neck his hands on my thighs oh my god he was doing more than loosening me he was making me so turned on right now focus Tori.

_I think it's beaming_

_Well it's not!_

I snapped at my mom who arched an eyebrow damn I was such a bitch she didn't deserve that.

_Oh_

Uh why did she have to oh me like that Jade does that I hate when they do that!

_Mom please don't confuse me I am already terrified_

_Of what?_

_Forgetting the lyrics _

Looking around I felt my heart beating fast I was sweating.

Deep breath focus Tori focus

_There's TV cameras here a million cell phones I don't want to mess up and be humiliated_

_Well than_

Yes mom please give me some advice share with me your wisdom years of experience teach me something calm me down tell me I am amazing and I can do this tell me anything.

_Well than you better not forget the lyrics_

Uh anything but that!

I felt Freddie pull me around I was ready to just pack it up and quit but he pulled me up Pushing my shoulders back.

_Tori babe you got this you are beautiful you are so amazingly talented and so genuine you are determined strong brave and I know you will blow this whole arena away with your killer vocals so go out there believe in yourself the way I believe in you and you will give this song a new tradition._

Freddie's lips lingered on mine as I went out there with a new confidence. Just focus on your dreams Tori don't let any other worries cloud you you are this close to having everything you want.

The lyrics flew out of me as I started to shake out my nerves there's nothing like being on stage singing your heart out.

I love this country we live in and was so proud to sing this song closing my eyes I let the music flow through me as I slightly swayed my hips.

Freddie would love it. I gave him a slightly naughty look but kept it as pg s possible as I swung my arms out.

This was a song that got people's emotions chocked up I thought about all the men, woman who fought for our country for our freedom so I can have that chance to live my dream even though for some it was the last fight they ever fought. For them I sang this song.

_Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.  
_

Why was that stupid dog barking? Why was I flying? Where was Freddie my mom? Why was the air rushing all around me? I didn't know all I heard was Sikowitz's voice.

_Never stop preforming never stop singing! The show must go on!_

He was right a true performer never stops when controversy comes her way. On with the show!

_Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave  
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave? _

Shaking covered in dust dog slobber and god knows what I was beyond mortified. Mom was freaking out yelling at the coach as thousands of camera's flashed. I could already see tomorrow's headlines.

Tears rushed to my eyes as I bawled into Freddie's shirt he held me rubbing my back soothing me with soft words.

All I wanted was to go home and die.

Why were all my friends here? Trina laughed saying mom invited them. Why mom why?

50 people posted it online why?

Cat why do you ask dumb questions?

I snapped throwing myself over the couch as Trina watched the performance all over again and Rex chocked laughing.

Cat rubbed my back oh I am a horrible friend snapping at her like that she smiled not even caring that I had snapped all she cared about was that I was hurt and humiliated she really is unique and genuine.

_I'll stay with you Tori if you still want me to_

I was speechless but nodded as Jade arched an eyebrow.

_Good thing I'm too drunk to drive right now Cat or this could be a problem_

_It's no problem Jade Tori's my friend and if I want to stay it's my choice not yours_

_I know that but remember I live with you if you stay I have to stay I have no keys and Sam is too lazy to let me in._

_Oh yea oops I forgot_

_Why are you drunk Jade?_

_Why did you get dragged across the floor like a dog chew toy Tori?_

_Shut-up I am going to bed_

I turned to see my mom and Freddie standing there Cat's look mad me squirm I saw him flinch we couldn't kiss but I couldn't just ignore him.

So instead I went over kissed my and hugged my mom and as I pulled away he stepped in for a hug. It was short and friendly nothing to raise suspicion.

Laying in bed that night after Cat had emptied herself four times we rubbed each other's backs mom made Jade sleep downstairs.

_So why was Freddie there huh Tori?_

_Cat stop poking me_

_Not till you tell me the truth_

_Cat you won't like it_

_Like what that you and Freddie still like each other?_

_What? Cat that's_

_The truth Tori and I've known it for months it's okay if you want to date him your cute together_

_Wait so your saying it's okay I date your ex boyfriend?_

_If he makes you happy than yes_

_But_

_Tori it was never about you and Freddie don't you get it it was the fact that you lied to me and tricked me to get him._

_It's the fact you didn't trust me enough to just come to me talk to me we went through this before I thought we trusted each other enough to know better_

_Tori I love you and I wish it didn't happen this way but it did and I think we need to work it out_

_I want you as a friend simple truth is I need all the friends I can get right now and I can tell your sorry for what happened._

_I miss us I love jade but sometimes I can't tell her things she gets so mad at the idea of me being hurt I get scared she'll go off and get herself in trouble._

_Not to mention she focuses all her energy on me and neglects herself _

_Just promise me from now on you'll be truthful with me and will be fine_

_I promise Cat from now on will be nothing but truthful._

I kissed her forehead and watched while she cuddled up against me she was so innocent so sweet. I was lucky to get another chance with her.

Freddie and I took things slow the next few days holding hands kissing he wrote me love poems which cheered me up since everyone was laughing at me.

Getting to preform on the Tony show was an amazing highlight and a major boast of confidence for me even with Buck there.

Between takes Freddie and I stole kisses I was nervous but he helped support me.


	63. Chapter 63

**Tori's p o v**

The next few months were full of auditions and tests homework and projects every night we were staying late to work on something for school most nights we crashed at my house.

Cat was getting so big now she could barely move she was still having major headaches and nausea backaches her ankles and feet were swollen.

Every day she seemed to get more depressed and withdrawn it killed me to see her this way.

I know Jade was feeling as angsts ridden as I was she was trying so hard to get auditions and gigs but no one wanted to hire a pregnant teen.

Just say yes

Great Sikowitz thanks now I'm stick with Jade all because she doesn't want to go to the drag race with Beck.

Sitting there with the queen of darkness after she popped Trina's pimple was hysterical she was screaming and crying all at the same time.

After she washed her eyes out and we ate cold pizza we watched a movie and for the first time in a long time we talked.

_I really think Cat needs to see a doctor Lane thinks she's suffering form maniac depression he's really concerned for her as well but I don't know how to help her or get her to admit that she needs help._

_Well maybe if we talk to her together _

_Do you think it will work?_

_I don't know Tori I mean she's so private these days _

Jade got excited when she came across Trina's new show she was bragging about of course we had to go check it out she was making it out to seem like she had this amazing role and she was playing a giant piece of cheese.

Busting on her gave us both a chance to laugh even when we had to say yes to being on the show.

Seeing Jade chase the mouse with a giant fork was the best. It gave us an escape.

Trina was pissed and didn't let us forget it as we went to the parking lot.

_**Raise your glass **_

_Your phone Jade_

_uh who's calling me now? It better not be Beck or that geek Sinjin_

She talked on her pone as Trina kept yelling at me hitting me with her purse.

_Oh my god where are you_

Jade's voice stopped us cold her body became tense as we snapped our heads her way.

Shutting her phone she turned to us.

_I have to go_

_What's wrong?_

_It's cat her and Robbie got robbed _

_What?_

Trina and I both yelled as we followed her to her car. She drove like a speed demon to a very dark street where we jumped out seeing Cat and Robbie both naked except for their undergarments Robbie had a plastic garbage lid over them. Cat was shaking curled up in a ball crying.

Jade quickly raced over to her as Trina and I helped Robbie up she scooped Cat up in her arms and ran to the car.

_We had to say yes Sikowitz's stupid challenge they wanted our Pajelehoochos _

_Cat freaked out when the guys tried to touch her_

_I wouldn't let them but she had a flashback and I couldn't calm her down she had a panic attack I thought she was going into labor._

_Calm down Robbie will get Cat to the hospital she'll be fine_

Hours passed Jade was a wreck pacing in her boats no word from the doctors yet.

Sleep wasn't even on my mind for myself but I knew Jade and Trina both had a major dance audition tomorrow and they really needed their sleep. No matter what I did though neither would go to sleep.

Freddie was by our side getting coffee and tea for us Jade wouldn't look at either one us. I knew it burned her up that we were together but I didn't let it bother me as long as Cat was cool with it than it wasn't her concern.

_Robbie is so pale do you think he'll be okay?_

I looked at Freddie as he voiced his concern laying back in his arms as I glanced towards Robbie who was sitting by Beck who was trying to talk to him.

He was pale and shaky but he was just robbed so it wasn't unusual.

_Tori why don't you go talk to Jade try to calm her down_

_Andre are you …_

Uh I see what he was doing uh dang it I can't say no..sighing I turned around Freddie grinned and shrugged. Giving him a kiss I got up and went over let it go Tori and remain calm.

Approaching her was as nerve wrecking as offering a tiger a little rat. Jade was leaning against the wall eyes closed breathing heavy she had just snapped down a poor Orderly trying to sweep up making him drop the mop and run away crying.

Is she going to kill me?

Deep breath Tori stay calm she looked so pale her ivy skin was so damn beautiful she's so tall her legs looked amazing no wonder Cat loved being touched by her.

_Jade_

No answer

Deep breath Tori just calm yourself easier to say than done. Walking closer to her I shakily placed my hand on her shoulder.

No sudden movement on her part instead her body was shaking..wait was Jade West crying?

Yes she was sighing I had no clue what to do she opened her eyes great she would freak when she saw it was me.

_Tori_

_Yes _

I swallowed this was it I would die now.

_Hold me I'm scared so scared_

Holy damn Jade west just admitted she was scared and asked me to hold her deep breath Tori stepping forward I wrapped my arms around her as she fell into them crying. In an instant everyone was up wrapping her in a hug.

As morning broke and Lane came hearing the news from Beck who had gone to school to do a big math test that he had missed when he had the flu two weeks ago,

Sikowitz looked pale and shaken as he hugged us extra tight.

_Aw I feel like crap this is all my fault I should of never issued that challenge_

_No Sikowitz it's not your fault you had no idea this would happen_

_Thanks Lane but I should of thought about this more throughly and gave more rules_

_This shouldn't of extended out of school_

Jade was still an emotional wreck by than so Lane took her outside to talk to her privately.

By the time she got back the doctor was there he took Lane and Mr. Sikowitz outside leaving us there to wonder and Jade grew madder by every second.

When they came back we pounced Lane smiled nodding at us. Relief flooded through me.

_Cat's alright she's awake her and the baby are unharmed she just had a panic attack from flashbacks her blood pressure sky rocked causing her to faint._

_She needs to avoid stress from now until she has the baby so Lane is making the choice to pull her from the rest of the year._

_Guys I'm sure you all know she's been suffering from depression fro awhile I think she needs to focus less on school right now and on making sure she's happy and healthy._

_She's going to need your help_

_Will do whatever we have to Lane_

_Thanks Trina that starts with making sure your grades are on top your auditions on point cause your happiness will be a huge part in hers._

_If she sees you happy and supporting her she'll find the strength we all knows she has inside to pull through._

_She'll be in here for a few days as we check her out and adjust her meds._

_Jade Dr. Jessee is going to recommend a physiologist for Cat to see I except you'll make sure she gets to her appoitments._

_Yes of course Lane_

_Thank you Jade and if for some reason you can't call me I will make sure she gets there_

_Right now she needs rest so I want you to go home or go to school and come back later this evening_

Sikowitz gave us a look daring us to say no sighing we got up and headed to the parking lot.

Freddie and I didn't want to go back to school yet so we took a walk through the park he stopped to pick some sunflowers for me. I smiled as I leaned over and kissed his check.

He was so cute.

After school Jade was so exhausted that Trina made her leave her car and drove her to the audition I have no clue how she would pull through this.

The college where the audition was being held was packed with dancers stretching out a music played inside.

Over a 1,000 girls were auditioning and only five would make it.

Jade was so nervous she peed six times sighing each time she had to go since I was yessed into helping her by Trina I raced with her helping her out of her dance leotard which criss crossed over her left side she looked smoking in it but it was a pain to get off in a hurry.

I watched in the auditorium as Trina and Jade danced in their lines they were flawless spot on the counts high energy technique amazing.

Jade and Trina were both auditioning for solo spots Jade's body was fit and she nailed the routine her body twisted as she turned jumped Freddie and I clapped and cheered as she leaped up legs split mid air.

As amazing as Jade was there were so many out here that wanted it as bad and worked as hard as she did but Jade knew this and she gave 120 % kicking up and throwing her arms in all kinds of positions.

By the time she was done she was breathing hard Freddie and I ran over to her as she came over throwing her arms around me she collapsed in them.

The next few weeks we spent helping Cat get adjusted to bed rest and auditioning like crazy, plus working on our projects.

Cat refused to quit school no mater what Lane said she made us bring us her homework and we set up a laptop so she could see classes through a live stream and answer questions.

Her courage inspired us.

Freddie bought me flowers everyday and left me chocolate. We dated every Friday night going to the movies and having dinners.

We kept it simple and sweet we left sex out of the relationship watching Cat struggle with an unwanted pregnancy gave me zero sex drive.

Freddie was so sweet helping Jade bring home Cat's work plus tutoring Jade in math and tech stuff.

When Jade asked us over for a double date one Friday I almost pissed myself.

After school we went to her place to help her work on an audition she had to record herself singing a song and acting out a scene.

Cat was laying on the couch studying when we got home she was smiling ear to ear as we came in exhausted.

Jade went over and laid a fast but deep kiss on her lips as we flopped into the recliner me sitting on Freddie's lap.

His hands resting gently on my thighs as Jade sat by Cat who slowly pushed herself up Jade helped her kissing her gently her giggle was so amazing to hear.

_So baby what's got you so happy?_

_I love it by the way_

_I love you Jadey_

_Aw Cat _

She hugged her as she kissed her check stretchering out.

_I got some amazing news_

_Share kitty share_

_I got into college!_

_What oh my god!_

_Cat that's awesome_

_What school?_

_Where?_

_Which major?_

_Calm down guys _

She giggled as we all embraced her.

_How did you find out?_

_Were only juniors_

_I know Tori it's called early acceptance I got into UCLA_

_For vocal and acting _

_Lane helped push me into auditioning early he thinks it will help me getting back into the swing of things after I give birth knowing I have something to look forward to._

_That's great Cat _

_Thanks guys it really did help Jade can you help me to the bathroom please?_

_I have to pee again_

_Sure babe _

_Thanks oh you got a letter in the mail _

_Okay I'll open it after we get you to the bathroom_

She groaned as she got off the couch Jade supported her fully she was so cute even as she was peeing I could hear her giggling god knows what Jade was saying to her in there but Freddie and I tuned them out as we snuggled and kissed.

Cat fell asleep after she got back Jade tucked her in and kissed her cute button nose as she got up and got us drinks sitting down by Cat she opened her letter.

I watched as she read whatever the letter said her face tensed up as she crumbled it up.

_Jade what's wrong?_

_Nothing_

_Don't lie something was in it that upset you_

_Was it your mom or dad?_

_No they haven't bothered with me in months_

_Did you fail something you were doing so well_

_No_

_Jade just tell us were your friends_

_I didn't get in_

_What to college? _

_No I only applied to that recently_

_Than I'm confused_

_The audition I didn't get it _

_Oh Jade were so sorry I know how hard you worked for it _

_Yea we all do but there will be others_

_Yea it doesn't help we need the money now maybe I will have to quit and get a real job_

_No Jade you can't give up on your dreams_

_Someone has to Cat needs money this baby has needs unless she plans to give it up will need things it's time to quit dreaming and be realistic._

_Jade listen to me_

I got on my knees in front of her taking her hands.

_This isn't a dream I am telling you we will all be here for you to help you_

_There will be no quitting anything we will get through this as a family_

_Cause that's what we are._

_Will see guys will see_

_Yes we will and will start by making this video_

_Freddie turn that camera on we have an audition of the century to make!_


	64. Chapter 64

**Tori's p o v**

_I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing_

_Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in  
'Cause I got time while she got freedom  
'Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even_

Her best days were some of my worst  
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first  
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping  
'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even... even... no

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?  
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK?  
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,  
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason  
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding  
'Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving  
And when a heart breaks no it don't break even, even... no

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you?  
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK?  
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,  
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,  
I'm falling to pieces  
(One still in love while the other one's leaving)  
I'm falling to pieces  
('Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even)

Oh, you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain  
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.  
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains, ooh  
'Cause you left me with no love and honor to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing  
Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in  
'Cause I got time while she got freedom  
'Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break...  
No, it don't break  
No, it don't break even, no

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you?  
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK?  
(Oh glad you're okay now)  
I'm falling to pieces, yeah  
I'm falling to pieces, yeah  
(Oh I'm falling, falling)  
I'm falling to pieces,  
(One still in love while the other one's leaving)  
I'm falling to pieces  
('Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even)

Oh, it don't break even no  
Oh, it don't break even no  
Oh, it don't break even no 

Jade moved slowly to the beat as she rocked it out on the Mic Cat slept peacefully as I played the piano and Freddie recorded her.

Her voice was strong and soared above the clouds of emotions her face remained calm but twisted in pain.

We applauded her when she was done and Freddie set to work on editing the video while I helped her work on her acting scene.

When we were done we were tired but she was smiling as she ordered take out.

Cat woke up at the smell of food as we sat on the floor on a blanket Jade turned down the lights she feed Cat as I lay in Freddie's arms sharing our lo mien noodles.

Hours passed as we lay there holding our lovers giggling as we talked about the future and just relaxed enjoying the moment.

I never saw Jade so calm and so sweet she feed Cat wiped her mouth helped her sit up rubbed her neck shoulders and tummy.

She sang to the baby and read nursery stories Cat giggled more each time rewarding her with kisses and nibbles.

Laying in Freddie's arms I just took it all in and sighed this was so perfect.

_Shay I said no _

_Don't you dare boy are mommas gonna whoop your little_

The door burst open as Sam came inside with Shay Freddie's eyes popped out of his sockets as Sam stopped dead in her tracks.

_Puckett!_

_Nub!_

**Breakeven Writer(s): Daniel O'donoghue, Daniel John O'donoghue, Mark Anthony Sheehan, Andrew Frampton, Stephen Kipner, Mark Sheehan **


	65. Chapter 65

**Sam's p o v**

My whole body froze as I stood there in shock how the hell was Benson sitting in the middle of my living room?

_Puckett!_

His voice was just as shocked as I was shaking I pulled Shay closer to me. Our eyes meet as he jumped up.

_Mommy who's this dude?_

Shay twisted his little arms up asking me to hold them I pulled him to me which he didn't like so he fussed and pouted.

_Momma?_

Freddie repeated Shay looked at him angry thinking he was mocking him.

_Your a mom?_

_Your still a moron I see_

_Sam that's not nice_

_Shut it Vega no one asked you_

_Wait your the Sam he left behind_

_So he told you what a wazz bag he is how he left me and Carly there _

_I have to wazz Jade_

_Sure Cat sounds great lets go now_

Wasn't as easy as it sounded she grunted as she got up Jade supporting her backside which was getting as big as her stomach.

_He's not a wazz bag he was standing by his mother_

_Sorry he's a wuss_

_Sam watch your mouth in front of the kid_

_My kid Benson my kid not yours cause you didn't bother to sick around_

_I don't care who's kid it is he doesn't need to hear that foulness _

_Than again I'm sure he's use to it hearing your gutter mouth talk_

_At least I have the balls to say what I feel I'm more of a man than you'll ever be Benson_

_Stop fighting guys!_

Cat was getting upset now her face red but they didn't hear her or if they did they ignored her.

_You had no problem with my balls when I was screwing you did you in fact you said they were so big they barely fit._

_Dream on Benson I never said that_

_Liar_

_Wuss_

_Guys stop! Please!_

_Stay out of this Cat!_

Freddie screamed at her she started crying big giant sobs as Jade and Tori ran over to her trying to calm her down.

_Jerk don't yell at her your scaring her!_

_I'm not the one screaming Demon _

_Don't call my mom a demon! _

Shay kicked him I grinned high fiving him.

_Yea way to go Puckett teach your brat that violence solves everything so he can grow up to be a diligent like you._

_At least he'll have more balls than his dad ever did_

_So what loser got you knocked out allow me to send him a sympathy card_

Was he really that dense? I stared him down.

_You are Dingus your his father_

_OW!_

Cat's screams tore through the air as she collapsed on the ground. My heart jumped as I ran over to where she was crumbled on the ground Jade holding her head as Tori called 911.

_Mommy Mommy what's wrong with Cat?_

_Mommy is she gonna be alright?_

_Go to your room Shay_

_Mommy _

_I said go to your room!_

Shay busted into giant sobs as he ran great now I made my own kid cry I was batting a thousand tonight.

Cat never stopped screaming as Jade jumped up.

_I think she peed_

_That's not pee Jade _

_Than what the hell is it?_

_Her water broke she's in labor_

_But she's too early_

_Doesn't matter Tori she's in it now we have to deliver this baby or hope the paramedics get here with enough time to stop it._

_Oh I feel sick_

_Wuss go calm Shay down_

_Shut up don't tell me what to do Puckett_

_Than man up Benson and help me_

_Jade we need to get her pants off _

Tori helped hold Cat up as Jade and I took off her pants and underwear, Sticky fluid rushed out as I spread her legs wide open checking her to see how far dilated she was. My breath caught in my throat we had little time left.

Deep breath Puckett you can do this.

Cat's screams killed me she was so little and this baby was huge.

_Cat I need you to calm down_

_I can't it hurts_

_I know sweetie I know but we need you to remain calm or your baby will be in danger_

_Sam no I can't please I can't it's too soon_

_Cat I know I understand but I can't stop it you have to calm down_

_Where does it hurt?_

_My stomach my pelvis_

_Sharp? _

_Yes_

_How far apart?_

_Three minutes _

_Cat remember how to breathe_

_No I …_

_OW!_

_Like this baby_

Jade showed her Tori helped her get comfortable placing pillows behind her getting blankets.

She was pale and sweaty as she screamed and pushed.

Please god let help get here in time.

Cat ran her hands over her stomach I know how scared she was, when I looked over I saw Shay and Freddie sitting clam in the hall as Freddie was recording this gross only he would do that.

Tori placed a cool cloth over Cat's face as Jade kept her calm and breathing properly.

There was no sign of help coming as Cat screamed again blood poured out.

_Count Cat one two three push one two three push_

_Ow I can't it hurts I need drugs_

_Cat I don't have any _

_Jade hold her hands Cat squeeze them when it hurts and push when I tell you to_

_Ow _

_Push hard Cat_

_No!_

_Cat yes trust me _

_No you don't know what your saying_

_Yes I do Cat I went through this I know what your feeling_

_Tori get her some ice cubes _

_Cat suck on them it'll help your throat_

_Breathe deep push cat one two three_

_Pull your butt up knees up_

She needed oxygen but we had none

_Jade hold my hand tighter_

_I will baby I promise your being so brave I am so proud of you_

_Tori hold her legs up _

_One two three one two three push_

_One more Cat one more big one_

_OWWWW!_

_So close Cat so close stay calm _

_I can feel it Sam it hurts it hurts so bad oh my god please make it stop OW_

Liquid shot out blood splattered as she turned her head away.

_You got this baby it's coming good girl deep breath push_

Jade kissed her lips and her face tears poured down Cat's sweet face.

_I can see the head push baby girl you can do this_

Cat's whole face twisted in pain as she screamed but pushed hard.

_Easy Cat tiny now here it comes_

_One more Cat breath deep and push_

I gasped as she did it pushing out the sweetest little reward.

The baby's cries as it came out filed me so much relief I have no idea how I would handle it if he or she wasn't breathing.

Freddie got all of this on video from all angles.

Cutting the cord Jade took the little bundle from me as I grabbed a towel and cleaned the baby gently.

Cat lay back exhausted as Tori held her.

_Cat say hello to your precious baby.._


End file.
